Rip. Slip. Fuck. Ahhhh!
Those are the sounds of a true player.
Whether it's your first or fourth year at AU, you may have realized that on such a small campus with a seemingly limited selection of available (and desirable) hookups, a handful of people always have that smile saying, "Ohh yeah. Last night was...amazing."
Who are these sexaholics? They are the inhibition-free players that dominate AU's night life, and early morning life for that matter.
With a few simple mind-set switches and some hot lingerie, you too can become part of this satisfied elite.
The first step to becoming a manizer (I'll use that term, but adapt it to mean womanizer, player...whatever your dirty heart desires) is developing an aversion to emotional attachment. It's sex. There's nothing more to it. Physical attraction does not always lead to a relationship, and in some cases it definitely shouldn't. If all you have in common is a desire to get laid on Friday night, leave it at that!
You'll enjoy sex more. You'll enjoy all of the sensations, lose your inhibitions, and soak up every bit of pleasure you can-especially if you're not expecting anything beyond the night. Manizing will increase your sexual pleasure!
Now that you can justify your manizing, here's a list of essentials. Never leave home without: * your cell phone: always let someone know who you're doing (and where you are) * those cool little finger toothbrushes from Oral-B: after the "Fuck. Ahh!" you may feel compelled to "Rip. Slip. Brush. Ahh!" Besides, morning breath always sucks. And who wants to hinder a repeat a.m. performance? * condoms. Lots of them.
The key to successful manizing, however, lies in being straight-forward with your intended hookup (or hookups...go ahead, go for more than one a night or even more than one at a time!). If all you want is a night of hot, passionate, headboard symphony sex and your hookup doesn't know that you're a love 'em and leave 'em type, I'll swear on my Durex Pleasure Pack that drama will ensue.
Trust me on this one. Most people will be relieved that they don't need to worry about making small talk afterwards while skirting around the issue of how to kick you out of their incredibly tiny twin bed. Keep it casual, say thanks for a good time, and roll out. Make sure all clothes are on.
After manizing for a while though, you may still find yourself in some compromising situations. A true pro will be ready to turn any walk of shame into a walk of fame!
When you wake up next so someone not quite knowing where you (and most of your clothes) are, it's essential to think fast. That sheet? Unbelievably stylish toga. Long shirt? Mini dresses are so hung-over vogue. As long as you had fun, who cares what people think as you make your way back? They're just jealous.
This is not to say manizing comes without drawbacks. Everyone knows about the player/slut double standard. (More on that in my Sept. 30 column) Developing a thick skin and the ability to brush off rude comments is crucial. As my very wise boss said, "For as much as men wish Samantha was real, we're not all ready to handle it."
Don't think you're off the hook, fellas. Girls gossip too. There's a fine line between being focused on your own pleasure and completely ignoring your chick-du-jour's needs. A few gratuitous licks will get you farther than you can dream.
Successful manizing all comes down to attitude. Confidence is the finishing touch to make your adventures go smoothly. If you can get your target into bed (or a classroom, stairwell, car, exhibitionist venue of choice), work it and imagine all of the legs that will be spread for you as all of your hook-up's friends hear about your sexual prowess at Sunday brunch in TDR.
Just enjoy manizing for what it is. Be smart, use protection, and go get yourself a fine piece of ass. It's sex. Enjoy it! Lots of it...
