When we think about violence against women, our thoughts go to rape, intimate partner abuse, excision, forced marriages, honor killings - all things that happen to "other people," in some "other place." We close our eyes to what is probably the single most prevalent form of violence against women in the United States. In fact, I don't know any American females over the age of 12 who haven't been affected. Moreover, we all act as perpetrators, consciously or not. I'm talking about the tremendous societal pressure for girls and women to be thin, which invariably leads to feelings of inadequacy and all too often to eating disorders.
Consider a few numbers compiled by the Eating Disorder Info web site (www.eatingdisorderinfo.org):
-90 percent of those who have eating disorders are women ages 12-25.
-91 percent of women surveyed on a college campus had attempted to control their weight through dieting, and 22 percent dieted "often" or "always."
-15 percent of young women have substantially disordered eating attitudes and behaviors.
-Up to 19 percent of college-aged women in America are bulimic.
-More than 50 percent of women ages 18-25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat, and 2/3 surveyed would rather be mean or stupid.
-Anorexia is the No. 1 cause of death among young women.
As with many health statistics, remember that these numbers only represent diagnosed or reported eating disorders. Anecdotal evidence points to a much higher incidence, especially if you include women with dysmorphia - dissatisfaction with one's physical appearance combined with unhealthy habits geared to correcting the perceived flaws. They may not be clinically anorexic or bulimic, but the dysfunction is still clear. In a way, it is these women who suffer the most, because they usually don't receive any professional help, and many will live with their "toned-down" eating disorder forever. I can guarantee you that every single person at this University has a friend, girlfriend, roommate or relative who falls in this category. You may even have worried about her before, but didn't dare say anything. This is a big mistake. It's far, far better to overreact than to let a friend destroy her health - and who knows, you may have nipped an eating disorder in the bud.
So how does this constitute violence against women, you ask. It's easy to chalk up our society's idealized gauntness to social norms and values, and leave it at that. However, that same argument is used to justify excision in Africa. There is, of course, a difference: In the United States, we do not hold girls down and go at them with a knife. We've found a much more civilized way to tie women down: by getting the idea in their heads that thin is the ultimate goal and letting them destroy themselves.
And I do say that we, not "they," have found this solution. It's women, not men, who enforce the big lie. Any introductory psychology textbook will tell you that women are convinced that men are attracted to women who are not only much thinner than the average woman, but also thinner than the body type that men themselves say they prefer. We all know that we dress up to impress other women - most guys couldn't tell you if your outfit matched or not. If you gain a couple pounds, chances are your boyfriend won't notice at all. But your girlfriends probably will, and I can guarantee that your mother will have something to say about it.
Surely you've heard by now that if Barbie were real, she wouldn't be able to stand up, that supermodels are statistical outliers, that Marilyn Monroe wore a 12, and that magazine covers are airbrushed until the models can barely recognize themselves. We know this, but we ignore the everyday details that do the real harm. Have you ever listened to your mother and her friends discuss the respective weight gain of every woman they went to school with, implying that the successful ones were those who still wore their college jeans? Have you ever watched a movie and instantly known that a character was "bad" or a "loser" because she was pudgier than the protagonist? Have you ever made snap judgments about people because they were out of shape or their clothes didn't fit well? Is a bad day a "fat day?" Be honest. If you recognize yourself in those statements, then you're a perp - just like Vogue, just like the designers and just like me.
None of us can change the message that every magazine, movie and TV show beams at us every day: that for women, success comes from beauty, and that beauty means being thin. What we can do is change the way we internalize this message and pass it along. Next time you call someone a fat bitch, think about what you're really saying. I won't argue with the fact that some people are in fact bitches, and that some of them are also overweight. But what purpose does it serve to reiterate that? Is it an additional insult? Is "fat" the absolute worse thing you could call someone? Or are you just bullying her to hide your own insecurity? Like Lindsay Lohan realizes at the end of "Mean Girls," calling someone fat won't make you thinner.
Obviously, this column can't do justice to the complexity of mental illness. I've watched enough of my friends live through hell and taken enough trips there myself to know what I'm talking about. So next time you use "fat" as an insult, or call yourself fat just to fish for compliments, realize the power of your words and the example you are setting. I hope you can do what I too often cannot and be the better person.
