It took about 10 minutes and a few deep breaths to recover from this woman's aggressive emotional instability. But once the initial shock wore off, I thought to myself, "Wow, this close encounter with the socially graceless kind will make for an excellent column!"
Because I had proven capable of dressing myself each morning without offending my internship adviser's eyesight or sense of style, I was instantly pigeonholed as the intern with a flair for visual art and creative design. This was a very good thing, because I was able to putz around with photo recaps on PowerPoint rather than be resigned to six hours of mindless data entry. All the other interns are jealous of me, but it's not my fault that they didn't pay attention during the Microsoft Office lecture in computer science class in 10th grade. Yeah, I'm that good.
So my assignment that day was to print up a bunch of digital photos from a recent promotional event and staple them to a bulletin board in the hallway. I love this type of task - the standard set by previous interns is historically low, so it's easy to impress my adviser. Crop the pictures a little, adjust the contrast so the colors pop, add a pretty border, print out some clip art for good measure, and - booyah - I'm the Bobby Trendy of interior office design.
Once everything is printed and trimmed, I stand in front of the blank bulletin board, absently considering the layout of my soon-to-be masterpiece. As I do this, some random secretary walks by and mumbles something under her breath. Whatever - I'm in my creative zone so I pay her no mind. That is, until I notice she has been standing in place for at least 30 seconds, staring at me. I look up and she repeats with unnecessary enunciation, "HOW. ARE. YOU." Well, after such a warm inquiry, I'm doing just fine!
I cough up a smile and reply, "Oh, why, hello, I'm doing well. Didn't quite hear you the first time."
A normal person would have continued on with her journey to the employee restroom or the water cooler or the cubicle of some other corporate slave, but instead she says, "Who did you think I was talking to?" Somewhat stunned, I say dumbly, "I don't know." To which she barks:
"I WAS BEING POLITE. WHAT A CONCEPT."
Well, then.
As an intern, you are expected to take this abusive treatment sitting down in your ergonomic chair. This is why it helps to develop a strong emblematic backbone - or, at the very least, a sweeping indifference to all things internship related. The moment you start taking your internship too seriously is the moment a disgruntled typist with a secretarial services degree from the Chubb Institute will send you to the employee restroom in tears. Not that I know this from experience or anything.
To be clear, I am not advising you to treat your internship with the same disregard as one would the attendance policy of a Gen. Ed. professor. Just remember that you're in the office for only a few hours each week, so you need to focus on what's important and ignore things that aren't.
Important: Your adviser's impression of you. The easiest way to make an impression is to dress smartly and flaunt your sense of humor. The hardest way is to show up on time and be productive. Trust me, lose the "eager beaver" shtick. It is better to be known around the office as a sociable "good fit" than as a lifeless "hard worker."
Unimportant: Everyone else's impression of you. Granted, it is undesirable to have the entire office despise you, but buddying up to anyone without the word "senior" or "executive" in her title should not be a top priority. Your mission is to gain future employment or a letter of recommendation, not the friendship of Cecile, the overweight but cheerful cat-lover from human resources.
Important: The end-of-semester intern assessment. Offer to write the assessment yourself ("Michael is a joy to have around the office! He is a hard worker and always on time!") and just have your boss sign the dotted line. He's been through the motions before. You aren't the first intern he's had, and you won't be the last.
Unimportant: Your internship journal. Like most things (including my column), this can certainly wait until the last minute.
