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| Band: | Ashlee Simpson | Ryan Cabrera |
| Album: | "Autobiography" | "Take It All Away" |
| Record Label: | Geffen | Atlantic |
| Grade: | A- | D |
| Sounds like: | She only got famous because her older sister is Jessica Simpson. | He only got famous because his ex-girlfriend is Ashlee Simpson. |
| Hit Single: | "Pieces of Me" | "On the Way Down" |
| Best Song: | "LaLa" | "40 Kinds of Sadness" |
| Worst Song: | "Shadow" | "Let's Take Our Time" |
| Who They Are: | Jessica Simpson's little sister who recently starred in her own reality show on MTV, "The Ashlee Simpson Show." | Simpson's ex-boyfriend who recently appeared in Ashlee's reality show, "The Ashlee Simpson Show." |
| Why They Rock: | She may be tone deaf, but her songs rock. Anyone with lyrics like "You can throw me like a boomerang/ I'll come back and beat you up" is a genius. | Johnny Rzeznik of the Goo Goo Dolls produced it. That has to mean something, right? Right? |
| Why They Suck: | As anyone who watched her show knows, Ashlee can't sing worth a damn. Plus, her music is so over-produced you can practically hear the Pro Tools clicking together. | As anyone who has seen his picture knows, Ryan looks as contrived as his music sounds. Plus, it sounds like he borrowed Ashlee's Pro Tools to record the album. |
| The Verdict: | Ashlee may not be a good musician, and her music may be contrived and radio-ready, but it's catchy and it's way better than anything Jessica ever made. | Ryan may have the face of a teen idol, but his music sucks ... even worse than anything Jessica ever made. |
WINNER: There's really no contest here: Ashlee takes the gold with her snappy pop songs and playful sexual innuendos. But don't worry Ryan, I hear Avril is single.
