He said/she said: '13 Going On 30'

So, that gets me to "13 Going On 30." It's Jennifer Garner - you know, the girl from "Alias" and Elektra Nachos-or-whatever from "Daredevil." So this is her first movie where she's, like, the star. I guess she's hoping "13" will do for her what "Legally Blonde" did for Reese Witherspoon.

Personally, I have never gotten the deal with Garner, whom I will always know as being one of the twins from "Dude, Where's My Car?" And I don't care what anybody says: That movie was genius.

So "13 Going On 30" takes a 13-year-old girl, Jenna Rink (not unlike Lizzie McGuire), and transports her a la "Big" into her already established 30-year-old life. It's what she's always wanted, although she begins to learn that her priorities are all out of whack.

Here's where our man comes in. Her best friend Matt, played by the totally awesome Mark Ruffalo (I don't even care that he's wearing a totally lame Hot Topic CBGB's shirt because he is still mad harsh), is a super-dork when she's 13, but a totally hot stud 17 years later. If every sweatpants-clad junior-high nerd could convince his crush that he'll look like Mark Ruffalo down the road, the world would be a better place.

Garner is all right as the "Oh my God I'm like totally 13!" Jenna, but it gets pretty old. The whole movie is kind of like the same joke over and over, and it goes on pretty long. The plot has some holes, like she nonchalantly tells Matt that she remembers nothing between 13 and 30, and he decides to not ask any follow-up questions, or call the authorities. How long could she last before some white-suited guys with big nets come to take her to the nut house?

What saves the day, however, is Gollum. That's right, the fish-eating creature from "The Lord of the Rings." Andy Serkis, who provided the voice and movements for the CG character in the "Rings" films shows up as Jennifer's totally gay boss and is awesome. He totally dances to "Thriller" and I was like, "You go Gollum! You're my precious!"

Bottom line, "13 Going On 30" isn't particularly interesting; however, with both Mark Ruffalo and Andy Serkis, my inner nerd was satisfied.

While Ruffalo's face (among other body parts) is my favorite part of "13 Going On 30," I will admit that Garner's performance as a 13-year-old girl trapped in a 30-year-old's body is Oscar-worthy. If only the Academy gave out Oscars to comedic actresses in fluffy movies meant for audiences that are, well, younger than most of the members of the Academy.

Garner plays Jenna Rink, a 13-year-old girl from the 1980s who wishes she was 30, and gets her wish in the style of Tom Hanks' "Big." Garner embodies everything about a slightly confused, yet still optimistic 13-year-old. She walks and talks like she's 13, and she has mastered that wide-eyed look of shock that is bound to occur when an early-teenage girl first sees a penis.

"13 Going On 30" is a simple movie. The actors and filmmakers clearly realize that the plot and the message need to remain straightforward for it to work. Jenna, who desperately wants to be one of the cool girls and win over the cute, popular boy, learns the hard way that being yourself can be a much more worthwhile endeavor than trying to be someone else. Ruffalo plays Jenna's best friend Matt. Thirteen-year-old Matt does not look so hot, but luckily he grows up to be pretty damn good-looking. Jenna realizes that while Matt may not be the most attractive (or the skinniest kid) in school, he is the nicest and obviously the one who cares most about her. This lesson is not really too difficult to understand, and it is certainly one we all already know.

"13 Going On 30" successfully delivers its message loud and clear, but if you missed it because you were too busy watching Gollum do the moonwalk, here it is: Don't blow off the fat, ugly kids - they could grow up to look like Mark Ruffalo.