Songs for the perfect Valentine's Day mix

The 'I Want to Ravish You All Weekend' mix

This Valentine's Day weekend promises to be a time of love, romance and, for dorm dwellers, sex-iling. To set the mood while saving the neighbors from the sound of squeaking bedsprings, try playing a few of these sexy tunes.

1. "Crash into Me," Dave Matthews Band This mellow, sensitive song isn't as innocent as it first seems. Go back and listen to the lyrics.

2. "Down Low," R. Kelly This slow jam is a modern anthem for forbidden romance, hidden passion and star-crossed lovers. But to avoid arrest, please do as R. Kelly says and not as he does.

3. "Let's Get It On," Marvin Gaye Nothing sets the mood like this bump and grind classic. It's a tried and true musical aphrodisiac.

4. "No. 1 Crush," Garbage This song is just downright erotic. The lyrics speak of undying love, but Shirley Manson's moaning vocals arouse a whole new meaning.

5. "Baby Got Back," Sir Mix A Lot Keep a sense of humor in the bedroom with this ode to ample behinds.

6. "Your Eyes," Peter Gabriel After seeing the car scene in "Say Anything," who could resist this earnest ballad that harks of innocent love?

7. "Red Light Special," TLC With this sensual slow jam, TLC does mean "tender loving care."

8. "Closer," Nine Inch Nails This lustful song is all about wanton desire and animal urges. Warning: For use only by the kinky and daring.

9. "Doin' It," LL Cool J Get right down to business with this bluntly worded rap song. The title says it all.

10. "I'll Make Love to You," Boyz II Men A sweet, loving song that's perfect for sparking romance or slow-dancing in eighth grade.


The 'Classics for the Helpless Romantic' mix

1. "You Make Me Feel So Young," Frank Sinatra Sinatra had so many amazing love songs and "You Make Me Feel So Young" is one of the most timeless.

2. "The Power of Love," Huey Lewis and the News Anyone who ever saw "Back To The Future" can attest to "The Power of Love." Though Huey Lewis was ridiculed by Brett Easton Ellis, this song is so pure '80s that it can't be shot down.

3. "I Want You," Bob Dylan One of Dylan's biggest hits, "I Want You" is a lustful love song that has the protagonist constantly defending his love.

4. "Sweet Child O' Mine," Guns 'N Roses Who knew a guy whose pen name was a reference to oral sex could be so charming?

5. "I Want to Hold Your Hand," The Beatles Classic! Innocent romance for days before Madonna, Britney or Christina Aguilera and their sexualized dross.

6. "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend," The Ramones Joey Ramone was arguably the ugliest man to ever front a successful rock band, yet this didn't stop him from penning the song that brought punk's purveyors closest to The Beatles.

7. "She's Always a Woman," Billy Joel Joel is a master songsmith. The lyrics evoke a powerful, independent woman who captures his love and brings him through all of the emotions imaginable.

8. "Brown-Eyed Girl," Van Morrison Forget blue eyes. Forget green eyes. One of Van Morrison's greatest songs, "Brown-Eyed Girl" captures romance in its purity.

9. "You're So Beautiful to Me," Kenny Rogers Who can forget those lyrics "You`re everything I hope for/ You're everything I need/ You are so beautiful to me." Simple and perfect.

10. "Everything Little Thing She Does is Magic," The Police A love song to the tee. No nonsense, just pure romance and love.


The 'I Love You, I Love You Not' mix

Pro-Love 1. "Say Yes," Elliot Smith The most uplifting song on Smiths perpetually-depressing 1997 LP "Either/ Or." On the lead verse, he sings, "I'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl/ Who's still around the morning after."

2. "Maps," Yeah Yeah Yeahs "They don't love you like I love you" sings front-woman Karen O of her art-punk beau, Angus Andrew of the Liars.

3. "Feelin On Your Booty," R. Kelly Legal troubles aside, R. Kelly has the commanding grasp on pop R&B.

4. "You're So Great," Blur In an uncharacteristic move, Damon Albarn allowed Graham Coxon write a song. The result, "You're So Great," is a lo-fi work ironically juxtaposing the miserable conditions of alcoholism and oversleeping with lovelorn subject matter.

5. "Kiss at the End of the Rainbow," Mitch and Mickey The legendary ballad from the fictitious folk duo (played by Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara) from "A Mighty Wind."

Anti-Love 1. "Aint Talkin' 'Bout Love," Van Halen The love of a beautiful woman couldn't keep the reckless and rowdy David Lee Roth from slowing down during the height of Van Halen's popularity. Now his bachelorhood ironically haunts him as he's been plagued by male-pattern baldness, a frustrating solo career and a life of solitude.

2. "One More Hour," Sleater-Kinney This is the most personal song in the Sleater-Kinney discography and it chronicles the end of the romantic relationship between two founding members, Carrie Brownstein and Corin Tucker.

3. "Come Pick Me Up," Ryan Adams Ryan Adams sings of a hypothetical ex-girlfriend stealing all his records and sleeping with his friends on his masterwork "Heartbreaker."

4. "Bigmouth Strikes Again," The Smiths Morrissey is the antithesis of anti-love. On "Bigmouth" he sings of smashing every tooth in his ex's head.

5. "Bone Machine," The Pixies On the now-reformed Pixies first full-length, Black Francis had already perfected his utterly possessed scream as he reflects, "You're so pretty when you're unfaithful to me."


The 'All By Myself' Mix

We can't all be crazy in love like Beyonc and Jay-Z, so when Valentine's Day rolls around, those without that special someone will be looking for sexual fulfillment in other places. Whether it's flogging the dolphin, beating the meat or swirling the coke, masturbation is a reality many must face on Valentine's Day. Many musicians have embraced either the age-old palm-to-penis connection or the feminine urge to travel down to the dirty south. Following is the perfect assemblage of solo Valentine's Day songs.

1. "Orgasm Addict," The Buzzcocks Punkers The Buzzcocks discuss incriminating stains on pants resulting from an addiction to masturbation.

2. "Holy Muscle of Love," Alice Cooper Best lyric: "Lock the door in the bathroom now/ I just can't get caught in here."

3. "Touch of My Hand," Britney Spears Britney lets her imagination take over on this track off her latest album "In the Zone," with sultry vocals detailing her Magellan-like exploration of her crotch.

4. "Fight For Your Right to Masturbate," Nerf Herder If any one band has the most blatant references to masturbation, it would be Nerf Herder. The ultimate loser band offers up the premiere anthem to whacking off on its recent re-release of "My EP."

5. "Jerkit Circus," Digital Underground Best lyric: "They got tigers lions and monkeys/ But I give my most attention to my donkey."

6. "Masturbation Party," Armrest Testimonial Best lyric: "I'm gonna switch it up/Use the left hand and then the right/ I'm gonna work the straw/ Don't wanna squeeze on my dick too tight."

7. "Pictures of Lily," The Who Awesome rock song about a dad who gives his son free jerk material in the form of posters of a model named Lily. Let's hope for Pete Townshend's sake that Lily is not a 10-year-old boy.

8. "On the DL," The Pharcyde Best lyric: "Went to the bathroom with cocoa butter in my hand/ Closed the door behind me locked it very tight/Thinkin' of all the naughty things we did last night/ Slipped out my underoos sat on the toilet bowl/ And let the hand I hold the mic with take control."

9. "Vibe On," Danni Minogue Best lyric: "Jump on top it/ Sit right on it/ Plug it in and get my vibe on."

10. "Auto-Manipulator," Crispin Glover Wait, "Willard" had a song ... about masturbation? That's right. Hello, McFly! Cult actor Crispin Glover (most known for his role as Marty McFly's dadin "Back to the Future") cut a rather odd song extolling the virtues of jerking off.


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