What would you do if you ran into an ex of yours in the middle of the street? Would you walk up to him and give a cordial kiss or hug, ask how he are doing and then walk away? Or would you sit with him and stay up for all hours of the night, reminiscing and talking of times lost?
The decision isn't an easy one to make. Breaking up is difficult and some say maintaining friendships afterward is even harder.
I met Ernie for the first time when I was in the eighth grade. We joined the track team together and decided that mouthing the phrase "olive juice" was better than saying the actual words.
I dated Ernie for two years in high school. Although it's been seven years since we split, I still consider him a good friend and an equal. It's difficult at times, but it's good to know that he's there for me and that I'm there for him. There's nothing stronger than the bond formed after a relationship ends. It's quite comforting to have that person by your side. Sometimes breaking up is the first step towards a more powerful, meaningful relationship.
By contrast, I met Jack while sitting on a stone wall at my old university, smoking a cigarette. It was freshman orientation. When he approached, I was smitten and remained so for three years. Jack was a burly tough guy from Vermont. He wasn't the nicest of guys but he had a way with the ladies. He knew just what to say, when to say it and he did this exceptionally well with me. When I met him, I fell immediately in love. We broke up four years ago. It's been two years since we last spoke. Although I have great memories with Jack, I chose not to maintain a friendship with him because neither he nor I benefited from it.
If I were to run into Jack, I'm not sure what I would do. I would be at a loss for words. All of my emotions would rush into my head and I'm not sure I would be able to speak. When you break up with somebody, who decides whether you remain friends or not? Is it a personal decision or does it involve more? It's a mix of fate, senses and time.
With Ernie, our relationship was stable and constant. I always knew, and still know, that he will be there for me regardless of what happens in my life. I know that he cares, and I care for him too.
My relationship with Jack was wild and passionate, which was fine at the time. We would fight and then make up exquisitely. Our relationship was charged with emotion. Jack put so much focus on being together that we became one rather than being two. Our lives were entwined, which wasn't healthy then, and isn't healthy now.
Having exes is part of growing up. It's just as important to learn to love and nurture another as it is to love yourself. That's why dating is so great. But it's equally important to realize that some relationships aren't worth the time and effort.
It's hard to put on a fa?ade only to keep someone in your life. Sure, I believe that no one can have too many friends, but can two people who have shared intimacy ever go back to a platonic relationship? That is the roadblock, especially in tumultuous relationships like the one between Jack and me.
It seemed at times as though he cared more about being in a relationship than actually having one. He put so much focus on being together that we lost who we were as individuals. If we were to talk now, the conversation would focus on the past. And I don't know about him, but I certainly am not the same person that I was back then.
If a true friendship can come out of a broken relationship, why is it so hard to move on and arrive at the place where two people can resolve old feelings? Can we ever be comfortable enough to truly move on, are we always going to be walking on eggshells?
