Along Came Polly 1.5 / 4 stars PG-13, 90 m Starring: Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Alec Baldwin Directed by John Hamburg Release date: Friday, Jan. 16
One of the world's greatest mysteries is how Ben Stiller gets women to enter relationships with him. Not only is Stiller severely unattractive and devoid of a sexual nerve, but he plays the same character in every film. And he's not funny.
Stiller's latest "comedic" endeavor, "Along Came Polly," enjoys mildly amusing moments only because some of its minor characters, including Philip Seymour Hoffman's former child star Sandy Lyle, are actually pretty funny. Not a single laugh, however, is drawn out by anything that Stiller does.
Stiller plays Reuben Feffer, a risk assessment analyst who is terrified of everything and has his entire life planned out. The film opens on Reuben's seemingly safe and idyllic life as he marries Lisa (Debra Messing), planning to settle down in the suburbs and live the rest of his life out in the most cautious manner possible.
Unfortunately for Reuben, Lisa sleeps with a French scuba instructor (Hank Azaria) on the first day of their honeymoon.
Of course, Reuben returns home to New York City severely depressed and shaken because - gasp - his life didn't work out exactly as he planned.
Then, along comes Polly.
Polly (Jennifer Aniston) is everything Reuben is not; she's fun, carefree, unpredictable and she likes spicy food. Reuben, hoping to make a fresh start after his marriage debacle, asks Polly out.
Their first date is at a Moroccan restaurant, and since no Ben Stiller comedy is complete without a strong dose of bathroom humor, Reuben has a mild case of irritable bowel syndrome that is triggered by spicy food.
So after an unfortunate, and rather unnecessary, incident involving Stiller, the toilet and a ferret, Polly and Reuben engage in what is sure to be one of the least likely relationships ever.
Stiller's character spends the majority of the film trying to convince Polly that he's not as lame and uptight as he seems. And while the message that tries to poke its head through the filth of this film seems to be that people can change, human nature would argue that two incompatible people are probably just that. Certainly, compromises are made in relationships, but for Reuben to endure a complete personality shift and become a completely different person is highly unlikely.
By the end of the film, when Stiller's character has reached a very high level of idiocy, one hopes that Polly will reject Reuben for the scuba instructor like Lisa did.
"Along Came Polly" is no brilliant work of art, but some redeeming qualities come in the guise of Philip Seymour Hoffman and Alec Baldwin.
Baldwin, who seems to have found his calling playing somewhat ridiculous side characters, plays Reuben's ass-slapping boss who knows no personal boundaries alongside Reuben in the bathroom. Hoffman, whose character's basketball-playing skills are funny enough on their own, plays Reuben's dopey best friend, who elicits the most laughs in the film.
This marks writer-director John Hamburg's second attempt at directing (his first film was "Safe Men" in 1998) but not his first time working with Ben Stiller. Hamburg is responsible for writing Stiller-vehicles "Meet the Parents" and "Zoolander," and the insipid, body-humor-inspired style of writing that defined those films shines through here.
"Along Came Polly," while there are clever moments, leaves much to be desired.
