With a vigor some students ordinarily reserve for promoting tolerance, saving the environment or hating plus-sized models, AU students must unite for a tanning salon in Jacobs Fitness Center. There is nothing to lose but the potential friendships of uglier, intimidated prospective students.
Diversity
Riddle me this, fellow students: What's black, and white, and red all over? A diverse campus! With an admissions brochure festooned with minorities, the student body is alarmingly white. But the innocently open-minded prospective students need not know. An easily accessible tanning salon promotes a rather "brown" student body, and to the white suburbanites from New England, an environment dominated by those with tanner skin equates to a cultural experience that no anthropological museum could provide.
Fashionable sexiness
From those silly parachute pants to the inherent glamour of heroin addiction, the elusive "fashion czars" can manipulate the populace into adhering to any trend, be it foolish or simply sexy. Today, tan skin is certainly "in," and racial ambiguity has not been sexier. While students might not be able to alter their genetic makeup in the interest of darker complexion, a tanning salon on campus would certainly advocate this sexy accessory.
World Peace
Racism and sexism have haunted the Western world for centuries, like a pesky poltergeist in an abandoned mansion, leading to cruel oppression and war.
While a solution to resolving tensions between the genders relies on altering socially-imposed epistemology, racism can be more simply quelled if the differences between the races are indistinguishable - that is, if all belong to one race, a "pana-race," that a humble tanning bed would certainly endorse.
AU, for the sake of humanity, provide Jacobs Fitness Center with a handy tanning salon!
