Hey, kids! How's it hangin'? As usual, I have to start this column with a follow-up on past columns and to answer people who may be angry with me for whatever reason.
For the first time, I actually received a house call from an angry Eagle reader. Apparently, a Chi Omega sister who graduated last year got hold of my phone number to tell me that I was immature. Fair enough.
But, isn't it kind of immature for a college graduate to call all the different dorms looking for an "L. Allen" just to tell me that I am "absolutely wrong" and that my column was "not needed" and "out of line?" So, I guess that's kind of a wash in the maturity department. And besides, that was my fault for bad-mouthing Chi O's. I meant to write that ALPHA Chi Omega was the worst sorority. My bad.
Anyway, Halloween is fast approaching. I usually love the eve to All Saint's Day. Unfortunately, college has completely ruined this for me. Halloween has devolved from a holiday dedicated to candy and mischief into the one thing college students everywhere love: an opportunity for girls to dress like total whores.
There are two types of bad Halloween costumes, and females are responsible for both of them. First are the slutty costumes. I know Halloween is a time for pretend and imagination and fun stuff like that, but I am not impressed. I mentioned this earlier in my anti-Carrie column, but this sort of behavior just shows that girls really like to pretend to be total skanks. Furthermore, the boys are not impressed by your antics. They are using you, not vice versa.
Of course, a slutty costume is OK, but only if it's original. If showing some cleavage or some thighs is all part of a much bigger idea, then God speed to you. The problem is, the girls around here have not grasped the idea of original costume choices. My fave are the girls who wear their sluttiest ensemble with a devil horns headband. That is not a costume; it is just lame. It shows no sign of dedication or thought. Anyone who dresses up like a devil, an angel, a cat or Britney Spears in a schoolgirl outfit should be immediately placed on Halloween probation. If people dress like this and think they are being clever, then someone has to point out that they are dead wrong.
They look like everyone else.
I urge the large female population at AU to avoid the trap of the boring Halloween costumes. This year, be different! The best female costume I have ever seen was a girl who dressed like Britney Spears after being attacked by a pack of wild dogs. It showed skin, it was violent, and it was original. Is there anything hotter than fake blood all over a schoolgirl outfit? Well, maybe real blood, but that's for another column.
