I went to Georgetown the other day and was baffled at one woman's beauty. A natural blonde, her long hair swung slowly to her shoulders and her outfit exemplified the organic nature of her spirit. She stood at the corner of the road, and although I never spoke to her, I could feel her essence as she stood still, waiting for the light to change.
She caused me to stop in my tracks. Rather than progressing up the road to the next store, I stood still on the corner and waited until she was out of sight. Call it what you will: Envy, jealously or hatred. I call it a girl crush.
It's an undeniable fact that women check out other women. When passing through the Quad on any afternoon, you will catch glances of women eyeing each other's outfit, style and attitudes. Ask any women and I'm sure she can tell you her favorite actress, based solely on attractiveness and essence. I believe Meg Ryan and Angelina Jolie are two of the most beautiful women on earth. Other girls might disagree, but they would have their own favorites, too.
The only problem with girl crushes is they make me feel inadequate. Looking at this woman in Georgetown caused me to think about all the things I wished I had. If only my hair were curly, maybe longer, and I could wear outfits in size two and wear platform heels, and still be able to walk straight, just like she could. My feelings caught up with me, and as I lost sight of her, I proceeded to walk with my head down into the closest store.
This woman had crushed my own ego without even trying. That's the problem with girl crushes. They make us realize we aren't always perfect. There are flaws within each and every one of us.
When I was little I used to play dress up with my friends using clothes bought from the local Salvation Army. The clothes provided a way for my friends and me to break out of our current personalities and strive to be Cleopatra or a princess for the night. We could transcend our own beliefs and ideas, and hide behind the clothes that were around us.
I have one picture of a friend donned in a pink mini skirt, tube top, and about five pounds of shawls and boas. Needless to say, she doesn't want anybody to see it now. Although I've kept it, it's tucked away with secret belongings in my bedroom.
Looking back at such pictures, I think, What were we doing? From a very young age, we had already begun to change ourselves to accommodate other people. We were accommodating to our feelings of inadequacy. There are pictures in the media today offering insights into losing weight, getting the man, or improving yourself by all kinds of technology or surgery. Yet barely any focus on being proud of who you are.
I would like to think that I've come a long way from the days of playing dress-up and make believe. But there is still a part of me that feels gawky when I think of my younger days in my dream worlds. Make believe made me take on character traits that I thought would make me cute and charming. If I only had cuter outfits, and wore prettier things, I would be famous and make my millions. But now I look back at pictures of myself, and I can't help but feel a little sorry that I thought I had to become someone else to be happy.
Every women struggles with feelings of inadequacy. We struggle to see our own beauty. My girlfriends all have traits that I love. They are beautiful both inside and out, and most are the objects of many crushes. Yet it is ironic that almost all of them don't realize the beauty they possess. Most of us women spend our time eying each other's beauty, rather than noticing our own.
We all have our crushes, be it men or women, and although we might not act on our insights, we are able to crush within the confines of our own minds. Our thoughts transcend not into who we are, but maybe who we may become. We unconsciously take these beautiful women and find ourselves questioning why we don't look that way, or why our lives aren't so perfect. Yet as I've come to find out, things may not be necessarily so.
My guess is that the woman in Georgetown is struggling with her own feelings of inadequacy and has her own demons and insecurities, just like everyone else. We all are seeking own beauty within. Maybe looking at others further exemplifies the path we seek.
I've decided the next time I find myself eying another woman out of jealousy, I'm going to take a step back from the situation. I'm going to look at her from another angle and think not about what I could become, but rather who she is struggling to become.
