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Friday, April 26, 2024
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Vampires that suck

'Underworld' sinks below viewer expectations

A feud between two houses stretching back for 1,000 years, two families are torn apart by a love too powerful to die. Len Wiseman's "Underworld" is a fast-paced amalgam of Shakespearean love affairs, the choreography of "The Matrix" and the cinematography and story of "Blade."

Michael Corvin (Scott Speedman from television's "Felicity"), Wiseman's version of "Blade's" 'day walker,' finds himself in the midst of a battle between a tribe of vampires and a band of werewolves known as Lycans. The story unfolds quickly, but the addition of frequent plot twists lends the 121-minute length a bit of validity and also points to the only original thought and creativity that enters the film.

Written with a race-relations debate hidden beneath the skin of what is otherwise a supernatural action film, "Underworld" tells of a single man who bore the characteristics of both Lycans and vampires. From his spawn the tribes grew to forget their pedigree and fuel a fiery war to prevent the mixing of the two tribes. How eerily David Duke this all sounds.

The Death Dealers is a tribe of vampires helmed by Selene (Kate Beckinsale) who has raged for centuries to cleanse the streets of gothic London with a variety of high-powered and high-tech gadgetry from more standard fare like knives to the bastardized tool of horror comics - silver nitrate filled bullets. With these tools in hand, Selene and her crew leap upon any Lycan that comes into sight. That is the covenant determined after the legendary slaying of the Lycans' leader Lucian (Michael Sheen), but then again, was he really ever slain? Was the war really what Selene believes it was about?

After a momentary meeting with Corvin during the intense opening battle, Selene becomes both intrigued and infatuated, opening the door to the secrets of the past, controlled at present by current vampire kingpin Kraven (Shane Brolly).

Though the background story is original and interesting, and Wiseman's music video style of filming allows time to slip by, the movie is simply not as cool as it could have been.

Vampires, it is commonly recognized, have no reflection and sunlight will burn their skin (thus the night-only routine). Yet Selene frequents the bathroom mirror to make sure her make-up is on right. Though the average film viewer will disregard this terrible truth, it is a notable mistake, especially when dealing with material that has a lineage as deep as vampires.

Why did none of the vampires levitate, disappear in clouds of smoke, feed on humans or have super strength? Instead of these traits, Wiseman sheds blood without purpose or style, making for all too standard wire-harness battle scenes.

The most depressing fact of this movie is that Corvin's character has a peculiarity in his DNA that enables his body to handle both Lycan and vampire blood strains.

On the whole, "Underworld" is not a movie for supernatural or horror buffs, unless they can thoroughly tear apart the plot holes and character flaws at a good, nearby coffee shop. However, those interested in forgetting the real world for a while should see "Underworld," provided they couldn't care less about over analyzing this genre of film.


Section 202 host Gabrielle and friends go over some sports that aren’t in the sports media spotlight often, and review some sports based on their difficulty to play. 



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