Even though the term "sexile" may not be a common expression in everyday conversation, students living in residence halls are familiar with the expression.
"I first learned the term 'sexile' when my cousin was a freshman and got thrown out of her room for the night," freshman Nicole Hunter said. "I heard about it again at orientation this summer and thought the term was pretty gross."
Still, Hunter did not take the concept of sexiling seriously. "I always thought that it was more of a joke than anything," she said. "When I got to campus, though, I learned very quickly that sexiling does occur and needs to be discussed between roommates before a situation arises." Other students thought the term was humorous. Some knew that their need for privacy in their room would eventually lead to a sexiling situation.
"At orientation I heard the term 'sexile' and it made me want to go out and try it," freshman Mike Moore said. "It's OK because my roommate and I talked about it. We know that a guy needs his time and privacy. We have a complete understanding."
To avoid problems, some students discussed privacy issues with their roommates at the beginning of the year. Some even signed a roommate agreement form distributed by Resident Assistants to deal with such issues.
"My roommate and I have great communication between us," Hunter said. "We have talked about the situation and we have agreed not to force each other out of our room, but rather to have respect when the other person wants to be alone with someone."
Freshman John McDonald and his roommate have created signals with each other. This allows them to notify one another when a guest is present in their room.
"We put a blank Post-It note on the door as a symbol to each other that we have someone with us in the room. It seemed pretty inconspicuous and we both thought it would work well," McDonald said.
Moore also uses this system. He and his roommate agreed that when one roommate puts a mark on the door, the other must respect him and give him the room for a set period of time.
"The big 'X' on the dry erase board means not to come in," Moore said. "My roommate knows to give me a good 45 minutes if it is there." While sexiling is not always an ideal situation, it is sometimes better than being present.
"My roommate has not had sex while I was in the room. I'd prefer to be notified so that I could leave," he said. Of course, sexiling only works if the ousted roommate can find another place to stay. Residents who want private time with a partner might have to give up a night of passion so their roommates can have a place to sleep.
"I would sexile my roommate, but I would only do it if she agreed to it," Hunter said. "I wouldn't force her out of our room because, after all, she does live there. If she didn't want to leave then I would just have to respect that and change my plans."
Opinions of sexiling vary among students. Some think it is unacceptable, and others believe it is inevitable. They feel that sexiling is permissible as long as it does not happen too often.
"We think it's fine to sexile each other as long as it's not an everyday type of deal," McDonald said. "It would be out of hand if it happened daily for more than an hour or so, but as long as it doesn't happen all of the time, I'm fine with it." Sophomore Jeremy Taylor, however, finds the concept of sexiling rather unsavory.
"Sexiling is wrong because roommates share a room," Taylor said. "Only when there is a mutual agreement is it then OK for the other person to proceed with their dirty tricks."
Junior Amy Greene agreed, noting a chronic sexiler shows disrespect for his or her roommate.
"It is definitely wrong on a continuing basis because it is just as much one roommate's room as it is the others. Why should you be the one to leave?" Greene said.
Problems can also arise when residents do not respect the living space of their neighbors. "So far my neighbors have been really respectful and I have not heard any form of sexual noises coming from their room. I've been lucky. I've heard some pretty bad stories from friends about loud noises coming from their neighbors' rooms. They have all said that it really is terrible, but there's nothing they can do about it," Hunter said. Greene, however, was not as lucky. She had a few things to say about her neighbors.
"Last year I used to get woken up to [my neighbor having sex] at four in the morning. I would put on some music or bang on the wall so that they would acknowledge that their encounter was not so private. I can usually only hear the squeaky bed springs, though. I know lots of people who have invested in earplugs," Greene said.
Other students do not mind such disturbances. They feel that it is inevitable in a college setting.
"When I hear people getting it on, I usually put on my headphones and wait it out. It doesn't really bother me. It's college, what are you going to do?" McDonald said.
Some students think sexiling is more common between male roommates.
"Guys sexile each other more often than girls because guys seem to be more cool with getting kicked out of their room. Guys supposedly think about sex roughly 275 times a day so I think they understand," Moore said.
Hunter agreed.
"I think that guys sexile each other more often than girls because guys are more easygoing with sleeping in another room. Their roommate can bring a girl in the room and he won't even care," Hunter said.
If a resident has a problem with his or her roommate or their neighbors, he or she is encouraged to discuss the problem with them or even meet with their resident advisor (R.A.). The R.A. can help the situation by helping the roommates agree on a way to live together, while respecting each other's living space.
"If I had a problem with this issue I would go to my R.A. because I know he could help me and my roommate work out the problem," Gelfand said. "I think everyone should discuss this issue with his or her roommate so that they can get along with each other"
