Advice columnists answer readers’ questions on anal sex, roommate troubles
Question: I am scared about trying anal with my boyfriend. What should I say?
Answer: Well, you have to consider a few things first. How long have you two been together? If this is a new boyfriend, and he’s ready for this so fast, you may need to ask him to slow it down. If you’ve been with him for a significant amount of time (significant is subjective), you should have an open conversation with him, letting him know what makes you nervous and why it makes you nervous. Hopefully, you can come to some agreement about what’s about to go down. But throughout the entire process, you have to be introspective; anal isn’t for everyone, and you might just not want to do it, which is completely fine. Just tell him, and if he really likes you, he should be able to respect your decision. If he can’t get over that, it’s time to move on.
You could also try experimenting with other new ways of having sex to keep things interesting and so that both you and your boyfriend are satisfied. Initiate something fun (handcuffs? new positions?) so that you’ll feel more comfortable with things you may have been reluctant to try before. If you do end up going with anal sex, just make sure to use lots of lube.
Q: My roommate and I haven’t really been getting along and she is impossible to talk to. What should I do?
A: Before you end up doing anything drastic, like screaming at your roommate because she used your hairspray, don’t let anything bottle up. If your roommate does something repetitively that bothers you, let her know exactly what it is and how it affects you, without making it seem like you’re blaming her for anything. Starting out a confrontation by blaming someone is the old-as-time recipe for a cake of exploding emotions.
The only way to fix this is through communication. Sit her down and let her know that there are problems that can’t be brushed under the rug. There is no reason for anybody to act like a child. We’re in college, so let’s try to be a little mature. If she still won’t have a conversation, you can always just take the high road and do you, or speak with your RA, depending on how serious the problems are.
If you two really just don’t get along, try avoiding your room for a little while. People-watch in MGC or “study” (Facebook, Twitter, etc.) in SIS with a pal. Your college experience is what you make it, so don’t weigh yourself down with roommate issues. Also make sure that you aren’t the one that’s impossible to talk to. Remember that you, too, can cause problems and to be honest, if you think she’s hard to talk to, she’s probably thinking the same thing about you.
“Getting it Together” is a weekly advice column published every Friday in which columnists Jalen and Grace help readers with various dilemmas. To submit a question for next week’s column, fill out the form below.
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