Although school officials still plan to construct academic buildings on the Nebraska Parking Lot, the proposed dormitory buildings will be relocated to campus, where Housing & Dining has devised an ingenious plan to house the overflow of AU students.
After months of brainstorming where to place students without upsetting the neighbors, Housing & Dining has conceptualized an obvious solution to the problem. This summer, roughly 200 tree houses will be built in the plentiful vegetation on AU’s campus, according to a revised camus plan.
“AU is a national arboretum,” the Director of Housing & Dining said. “I don’t know why we didn’t consider tree dorms sooner.”
Each tree dorm will house one to two students in a cozy, yet drafty room. Tree dorm residents will enjoy scenic views of campus and daily meditational music provided by campus critters, such as the Crickets’ String Symphony and aviary acapella group, “Why the Un-Caged Birds Sing.”
Each tree dorm will be equipped with wireless internet, a bucket for accepting food deliveries and mail, a ladder for entering the residence and a fireman’s pole for exiting. Some suites may be built in larger, sturdier trees, which will house three or four students and may include real beds and a sweet, twisted slide for exiting the room.
Students in the standard tree dorms will sleep on yoga mats, or hung upside down like bats. Tree branches will include ankle restraints for students who prefer the latter method.
Due to limitations of space and the unique nature of this housing arrangement, each tree will not host a Resident Assistant as in most dorm floors on campus. Instead, a squirrel will supervise each tree. Housing & Dining is still reviewing applicants for Resident Director, but school officials report that the job will likely go to campus mascot Clawed Z. Eagle.
“We have a lot of experience with Clawed, and have observed how deeply he cares for AU and its students,” said one official, who prefers to remain anonymous. “He would flip over backwards for these kids, and not just at basketball games.”
“Clawed possesses the unique ability to oversee all student activity in the tree dorms with a bird’s eye view,” the official said. “He’s going to watch those students like a hawk, except better, because eagles have superior eyesight.”
