Monday, March 26
Despite sub-zero temperatures, the Katzen fountain flowed uninterrupted all night long. Public Safety are investigating the incident, testing the "water" for rogue antifreeze elements.
Tuesday, March 27
A squirrel dressed in ninja gear disrupted a class being held in the amphitheatre. Two students and the professor were bit and are being tested for rabies. The squirrel was not caught, although Public Safety is searching for it.
A cherry blossom tree was located on campus and students began to congregate around it as it bloomed. Public safety responded to control the crowd and it was dispersed.
Wednesday, March 28
An Easter Island-esque statue located near McDowell Hall sprouted human legs and began walking down Massachusetts Avenue toward Nebraska Avenue. The Metropolitan Police Department responded, shot and killed the suspect.
The Eagle's Nest was left silent all afternoon after an FM signal jammer prevented the store from tuning in to hot local hip-hop radio stations. The awkward silences during Subway transactions were deafening.
Thursday, March 29
A car driven by student Kendra Garstka in the Centennial Parking Garage hit fellow student Dave Stone. Stone was transported to Sibley and Garstka lost her driver's license and her permit to park on campus.
Saturday, March 31
After the Hoyas won in Atlanta, AU students attempted to break into Bender Arena and demand the basketball team be as good as Georgetown. Students left after being told the basketball team had been cut.
Sunday, April 1
A large flameless candlelight vigil took place outside Kay Spiritual Life Center. The gathering turned into to a riot when the demonstrators could not agree on what to protest and three cars were set on fire. The fire department responded, as did the MPD. Ten students were arrested and 12 others reported that their feelings were hurt.
