Interim President Neil Kerwin and AU alum and TV personality Judith "Judge Judy" Scheindlin are set to battle to the death in an iron cage tonight to determine who will be AU's next president, in what has been dubbed "Presidential Deathmatch 2007."
The cage-fighting contest began three weeks ago after Board of Trustees Chairman Barry Jakobson told a gathering of local media that the board was hopelessly deadlocked over who to select as the university's next president.
After determining that none of the four finalists chosen by the Presidential Search Committee would be able to get the support of a majority of the board's 25 voting members, Jakobson said he and some other trustees decided to explore alternative selection methods.
"Initially, we thought about locking the four of them in the Terrace Dining Room and giving the job to whoever was able to saw open the metal gate first, but we didn't want to be accused of not making the process transparent," he said. "And then it occurred to me - why not make it something the whole AU community can enjoy? Maybe students on campus would finally get some school spirit if they were able to watch their next president do some cage fighting."
The first round became a media circus after all four candidates committed violations of cage-fighting rules.
Referees had to preemptively end the first match between Kerwin and former D.C. Mayor Anthony Williams after Williams head-butted Kerwin, who responded by attempting to grab Williams' non-existent hair.
Officials also had to void the first round between Scheindlin and Kiki Ladner, the wife of former President Ben Ladner, after Ladner spit in Scheindlin's face. Scheindlin responded by striking the back of Ladner's head while screaming, "Don't spit in my face and tell me it's raining!"
A second round of semifinals proved more successful.
In his second round, Kerwin's chances initially looked grim after Williams began showing off his best kickboxing moves. But then Kerwin suddenly saw an opening and body-slammed Williams to the cold cage floor.
"It's been nearly a year since I smacked down that punk Smiley Face," Kerwin said after the match. "Williams should've seen a world of hurt coming his way."
Scheindlin quickly won her rematch. Ladner started out by throwing one of her stilettos at Scheindlin's head -- and missing by a mile. Scheindlin responded by grabbing Ladner by the foot, twirling her around in the air and tossing her into the crowded stands inside Bender Arena.
"That's Judge Judy justice for you," she shouted over the crowd's cheers.
Unofficial estimates reveal that attendance at both nights of the "Presidential Deathmatch" semifinals was somewhere between 50 - 100,000, leading some to speculate that other schools may decide to forego formal presidential searches in favor of the AU model.
"I've been told MIT and Northwestern are currently in a bidding war over who will get Ryan Seacrest to emcee their respective 'Presidential Idol' competitions," Jakobson said.
