The glass door of the Falcon office was found speared through with a plastic knife and menacing note early Tuesday morning, after news The Falcon was shutting down and moving its entire staff to Paris.
The incident and note, which reads, "If you stop publishing, I'll give you a swirlie," came after incoming editor in chief Lauren Chirac decided to stay in Paris, where she is currently studying, and move all Falcon operations to her.
"I love this city so much that I am staying here, and since I am the new editor in chief and rule supreme, what I say goes," Chirac said in a press release last Friday.
The Falcon previously reported that the paper would keep one representative on campus to file interviews but the paper would be mostly written and edited in Paris and then printed in Washington. The previously highly discouraged e-mail interviews are now the only way Falcon staff will communicate with sources because the new budget did not include any phones.
Chirac plans to fire all current staff and hire an entirely French staff as she said they are better at writing and winning wars. Additionally, she said they are "cuter."
Current staff members were very upset to learn about their firing.
Phil Jipps was shocked when he found out about losing his job as an assistant editor and beat reporter on the presidential search committee.
"I am so upset," Jipps said. "I can't believe Lauren would do this to us, after all we did for her."
"Lauren is such a dictator," said Bendra Gogol, an eagle editor. "I can't believe people voted for her."
Other staff members said they were elated that production would cease to take place on campus.
"I'm super excited to have my Wednesdays and Sundays totally to myself again," said Jenn Meeses. "I plan to jumpstart my craft business by devoting those days completely to crocheting."
The Falcon's front door was broken between 1 and 2 a.m. Sunday morning. The damage was discovered by a drunken Student Government member stumbling into his or her office. The unnamed SG member called Public Safety, who responded immediately.
Records obtained by The Falcon, that Public Safety always make available, indicate that the entire door was broken and a large plastic steak knife was found on the floor among the broken glass.
Public Safety Chief Bugs Bunny said he had no comment on the situation and that surveillance tapes were being reviewed to determine who broke the door. He could not provide further comment since the incident has spawned an ongoing criminal investigation.
Eagle staffer M. Smyer Kanich said she believes the move to Paris and the incidents are most likely unrelated.
"It most likely had to do with all the house ads we run," Kanich said. "I just don't know why someone could write a letter, rather then ruin our office."
Current Falcon editor in chief Narissa Mew said The Falcon would continue to run the presses, even though its door is currently boarded up and access around it is blocked, as Public Safety investigates. Currently, staff must access the office through a pole from the third floor.
Chirac said her plans to move The Falcon to Paris will continue on schedule and these "terrorist" actions will not discourage her.
