Smithsonian Institution spokespersons announced this week the commissioning of a National Kite Graveyard, projected to open on a site near the Washington Monument sometime in 2008.
The graveyard, which will address the long-standing need to "find a place to put all these damn wind-ravaged kites," has already caused controversy because of its priority over the opening of the National African American History Museum, the site for which was announced in January.
"Sure, history is a big deal, but I don't think people consider the shameful disrespect paid to thousands of kites that are purchased by tourists during the spring and then promptly discarded when it becomes clear they are nearly impossible to fly on the Mall without dive-bombing and seriously injuring innocent visitors to our great facilities," said Smithsonian Special Projects Director Michael Owensburger. "It's time we faced reality and gave these man-made beauties of the sky the resting place they fully deserve." The Smithsonian Board of Directors began considering the project, which aims to sustain kite deaths for at least the next 60-70 years, when they heard people were referring to the National Mall as a kite graveyard, anyway.
"Come springtime, I almost always have to shield my eyes when walking from Smithsonian Castle to the Washington Monument," said David Kittler, a board member. "The trashcans are inevitable brimming with torn neon nylon, broken plastic supports and tangled twine. It's a black mark on our nation to treat our most valuable playthings this way, and I am in full support of punching out anyone who doesn't want to do something about it."
Shirley McDanielson, a retired mother of five from Derbyville, Calif., said she enjoyed flying a kite on the National Mall during her recent visit to the nation's capital.
"They sell those adorable ones that look like the Red Baron airplane at the Air and Space Museum, and I simply could not resist," McDanielson said, admitting that she naively thought kite flying might distract her and her husband, Red, from how much fun they weren't having on a trip without the kids to blame for tension and shouting matches.
"Honestly, once we got in the air, it was too windy, and it kept getting dashed back down onto the gravel. I lost interest really quickly and didn't want to risk tripping over the 200 feet of string it came with, so I disposed of it in a nearby trashcan," McDanielson said.
Her husband said he is favor of a National Kite Graveyard, if only to justify the wasted expense of the kite he and his wife purchased, but claims the trip would have been tension-free had his wife not insisted on wearing matching outfits - jeans and red "I'm With Grumpy" T-shirts - while seeing the sights.
Kittler hopes the Kite Graveyard project will teach younger generations of Americans to respect the merits of responsible mass consumerism while giving more families a reason to come to D.C. "Paying respects to a fallen kite will be a great way to get families back here year after year to patronize our proposed National Refreshment Stand and learn about responsible Metro ridership at our soon-to-be-unveiled National How To Buy A Metro Farecard center, and I can't think of anything bad about that"
