After 53 hours of debate last week, the Student Government decided to dissolve itself, saving the AUCC thousands of dollars for next year and many students from pompous leaders and pointless elections.
The debate began when a report by a anonymous senator realized Mickey Mouse and Artemis Ward each received more than 5 percent of the vote for each SG position.
“We realized that we aren’t as big as we thought we were, and there was simply no reason for us to exist anymore,” said Ryan Kolish, Class of 2012 Senator and a prospective student in the School of Public Affairs.
Kolish went on to say that this was the first time in SG history that they acted in the best interest of the university as a whole.
After a tumultuous year, the SG saw their approval ratings on campus drop to new lows and was frequently ridiculed by students across campus.
A Facebook poll showed that -1.2 percent of students approved of the SG in the fall semester.
For example, in response to being ranked the most politically active school in the nation, the SG voted to revoke the club statuses of both College Democrats and College Republicans.
They also passed a resolution to remove research books from the library to make it more convenient for students to find the remaining ones.
Drew Eagleson, a sophomore in SOC, was elated by the decision.
“The students on campus don’t support the decisions they make,” he said. “Not even the administration supports them.”
Even Interim President Niles Merwin was pleased with the decision, saying that none of the decisions made by the SG were actually adhered to by the administration.
“We never cared what they had to say anyway,” Merwin said of the SG. “They were never supported by the student body, and we never supported them either. We just let them do whatever they needed to feel important.”
Not everyone was pleased with the decision. Beth Putter, Class of 2010 senator, left the room in tears as the results of the vote were read aloud to the SG.
“I can’t believe we got rid of the best organization not only on campus, but in the world,” Putter said.
“We did more for humanity than all the Nobel Peace Prize winners combined, and our demise will definitely lead to a third World War.”
Fellow Class of 2010 Senator Halley Silverstein said she was devastated that her dreams of being president of the United States were crushed by the dissolution of the SG.
“I was going to use my term here as a springboard into the White House. But now that SG has dissolved itself, I’ll end up on the streets,” Silverstein said.