Loyal readers: Do you remember PRO from my column, “Patience yields sexual pleasure?” She complained about an inexperienced boyfriend whom she could not get to come. “Whenever we start to mess around and I begin to jerk him off, we go for a while before he just tells me to stop before I finish,” PRO wrote. Now, PRO is back with a new question.
I’m still with the same inexperienced guy, and things are going better in that department, though he still won’t let me finish him, but now he’s hinting that the reason that he’s not coming is because I’m only using my hand. I don’t like giving blowjobs because it’s gross; I put food into my mouth, and I don’t want his penis in there, too. I’ve given BJs before, and I just find it distasteful. Is there a toy or something else I can use to give him the pleasure he desires?
-Potentially Rockin’ Organ
Welcome back to “Doin’ It.” I have some contradictory advice for you. First, I acknowledge and respect your decision to not slobber on knobs because that’s your right. But here’s the other thing: I know that, as a straight male, I have little room to say this, but is a blowjob always that big of a deal? You didn’t really say specifically what you don’t like about them, but there are a lot of ways guys and girls reduce the grossness. You can drink water before and after, have the guy cum into a tissue or insist that he shower beforehand.
I know the common knowledge is “never do anything you’re uncomfortable doing,” but if you are willing to do a little more than you want every once in a while, you have a right to expect that from him as well. On the other hand, if you are categorically opposed to sucking dick (and you should then feel obligated to tell him so), don’t expect to have anything fancy done to your vagina.
There are toys you could get, like a cock ring, but the most logical non-BJ thing to do is to simulate a blowjob with lots of lube. However, it sounds like all of your sexual activity is dominated by the need to get him to ejaculate. I would make sure you think about yourself a little, too, or you’ll find the sex quickly spiraling into banality.
I know that most girls shave their crotch, but what is the acceptable length for guys down there? Should I shave, too, or let it grow out or just trim it? And what about other parts too, like your stomach or armpits?
-Pragmatically Understanding Balls’ Enviable Stature
Your question is very subjective. I’m not even sure I would say most girls shave. Not only is there no reliable polling data on the matter - it’s not like writing with your left or right hand - but people change. I think it would be more accurate to say that if someone has a partner who requests that they control the length of their pubic hair, it would not be unusual for that person to trim or shave said hair.
The opposite is also true: I know a lot of guys who will let their pubic hair grow out while they are single. However, there are certainly exceptions, and not every partner requires the person they have sex with to be like Mr. Clean down-under.
In terms of your personal hygiene, PUBES, I would just do whatever you want to. If you are a particularly hairy guy, you might find that a trim every other month or so gets rid of odors, dry skin or the need to scratch yourself in public. Be warned though: Shaving can be uncomfortable, too, and the hair that you will have removed serves a valuable purpose in sweat management, so be ready for that. As for your stomach and armpits? No clue - ask a doctor or a fashionista.