Q: “I had a question for the sex column ... I have this crush on another guy. My problem is that I’m pro-life and he’s pro-choice. While he and I can’t have children, it’s more the idea that if we had children he would be OK with killing them. Is this enough to kill a relationship?”
-Anonymous for Life
A: Before I, Buster, turn this over to my two other capable columnists, let me just say that it is a relief to find another pro-life gay on this campus. I am in a relationship with this guy who is pro-choice, and as much as we go at in the bedroom, we go at it even more on politics. He and I have even more fundamental differences than abortion, but we find common ground sometimes or just agree to let it go. I don’t think I will ever change his mind and he won’t change mine. In the end, it’s the feeling I have for him and not his political stance that attracts me to him. So a short answer to your question is no. Go out to dinner with the dude and discover more about him.
Here’s the group consensus: you need to reassess your priorities if you are so fixated on this one political issue that it would stop you from even going on a date with this guy. It is important to be able to talk through ideological differences. It is unlikely that you will find someone who thinks exactly the same way as you do on all issues. Even if you did, the relationship would probably be boring. I mean, it would be like missionary every night — BORING. Even outside of romantic relationships, it is important to be able to accept and learn from those who think differently from you.
That said, with the issue of abortion there are both political and moral issues. Political issues are generally more superficial. Sometimes political opinions are more indicative of moral attitudes. While a person should be open to constantly shaping the sense of morality, these attitudes can be much more deeply ingrained and harder to shake. When considering a long-term relationship with someone, it is important that you think similarly enough that you will be able to make important life decisions together in the future.
In your case, however, you are getting way ahead of yourself by fixating on this issue before you have even gone out with the guy. It would be impossible for you to assess the potential of a relationship before you have started going on dates with him. It’s like trying to figure out what his penis looks like without seeing it. This is a perfect example of AU’s mentality: find one political issue, and all of a sudden there is a problem.
Let’s focus on getting with the guy and understanding who he actually is. People are not defined by one issue; they have multiple opinions and it will be your job to discover each of them.
Deal-breakers should be only things that you’re definitely not willing to settle on. While many people have different deal-breakers, we all get behind a few. How he treats you and how you treat him should be with the utmost respect and admiration. The reason for getting into a relationship matters, too. Dating someone who likes you for your money would be a deal breaker. Trying to date someone who is not attracted to someone of your sex is also not a good idea. In the end, though, it’s all about your judgment — life can’t be too easy, after all.
... It’s Buster once again. Sorry for the dry commentary from my colleagues. The major issue here is whether this guy could make you happy (or whether you could feel happy with him). And that is something that will take time to discover. Before you flip the fellow around and go to town, find out more about him and what you find attractive. If this issue is so dear to your heart, then the answer is no. But if you can move past this one issue, then give him time. Since you can’t have kids, the personal attachment to abortion is about as thin as hair, and you can’t abort “gaybies,” anyway.