I recently purchased a grilled cheese sandwich. All I wanted was some bread and cheese. Simple enough. After being handed the sandwich, I was on it like bats on a beehive hairdo.
I wasn’t expecting anything too fancy. No reason to call in Pasquale. However, they really went all out. First, I had to gnaw my way through a soggy piece of tomato. Then I realized that the cheese was not the generic old piece of American I’ve grown to love. Instead, it was a strange brew of curds. It was outlandish.
I was not happy about this. In fact, I became downright surly. When I order a grilled cheese, that’s what I want. It’s like going to McDonald’s and ordering a batch of McNuggets. If they handed over some clumps of chicken, there would be a riot. People expect the little grease balls we call McNuggets.
This mutated grilled cheese was the result of someone wanting to better their product. That’s great. They can change whatever they want. Go nuts. Just let me know before I gag and spit it all over the table. If the Raisin Bran people can warn you about the dangerous addition of another scoop, a warped grilled cheese warning shouldn’t be too hard.
The same principle holds true for other sandwiches. I’m usually in the mood for a good Scooby-snack. However, sometimes I’m not that hungry. Anything more than one inch of turkey is like going into the Anderson bathrooms more than once - just plain excessive. Thanks, maybe another time.
I wish these over-achieving people could give some of their drive to other workers around the world. Imagine receiving the food you asked for from one of the local delivery joints instead of the wrong goods. I would greet the food with a tear of joy. Why the delivery clods have a hard time telling a turkey sub and a pickle apart, I’ll never understand.
Maybe the dorm bathrooms would have toilet paper that wasn’t bought at True Value. Maybe hamburger buns would be the same size on both top and bottom. The possibilities are endless. If people made a few adjustments, life would be great.
To those people who try a bit too hard, please warn us first. To those who don’t try hard enough, I hope you learn a lesson.
Everybody’s entitled to their own opinion. Just keep yours to yourself.