“Anyone who disses on Harry Potter is a snob.”
-Professor Kelly Joyner to a man, in a creative writing class
Halloween brings out the best in everyone. Case in point: an anonymous tip-dropper claimed two females and a male were seen throwing toilet paper in the general direction of Ben Ladner’s residence around 2:15 Sunday morning. The trio allegedly had stopped by the Tenleytown CVS on the way home from a costume party and purchased eight rolls of TP, which the anonymous source said didn’t make it as far as the house and “mostly just hit the lawn.” Eagle staffers were unable to find traces of the TP when they investigated the scene.
Let’s talk about secret prisons. I mean, most people don’t know it, but the Scene staff used to run a secret prison in Eastern Europe, too. But ours was filled with people who annoyed us, not who may or may not have had a tie with blowing something up. See, in ours we had Tori Spelling and Sinbad. It was really fun, though, see, because we didn’t have to deal with any stupid legal systems. We could just make them think they were drowning all the time. Ha! Good times.
“We have candy to help you think,” said one Scene staffer’s professor right before a quiz. Riiiiight. Because sugar rushes totally help you settle in and focus. The Scene staff remembers what happened the last time it got jazzed up on too many M&M’s and those little “fun size” candy bars that are no fun at all. It was a good thing that none of us are diabetic, or things could have gotten really hairy. The only thing that could have made that test any worse was if the professor had given out Jell-O-shots. We can’t wait to see how the curve works out.
Halloween weekend is, for some, a weekend of parties. We at the Scene went to some of those parties - with the sole purpose of reporting back to you, loyal reader. We never knew this guy really existed outside of movies and bad TV, but we encountered on our travails none other than the “Guy Who Does Pushups When He’s Drunk.” That guy! The guy who will prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that HE can do more pushups than anyone, “I schwear!” Noble, really.
-Compiled by the Scene staff
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