“Don’t have your political orgasm here today, hold it off as long as you can so you can work longer and harder.”
-Alec Baldwin, at a student leadership conference in Washington, D.C.
Don’t even think about trying to
grab a quick bite to eat in the Tavern, especially if a veggie burger is on the menu for the evening. While waiting in line for a meatless patty of soy and ground vegetables with provalone, not one, but two burgers were grilled, from start to a medium-well perfection, while the hungry and not-so-patient herbivore stood by. How long can it possibly take to cook something that is more or less already cooked? Eating a raw burger is way dangerous, but the worst that can happen eating a frozen veggie burger is ... a chipped tooth?
Carpeting with multi-colored flecks hides baby cockroaches in the Berkshire Apartments, determined one AU student who lives there. In a rant to friends Wednesday night, the senior also noted the insanity of the building’s layout. “The hallways are wide enough for a Buick, but you can’t fit two people into a kitchen ... madness.”
A group of students bundled warmly for sub-zero temperatures were spotted walking across the Key Bridge in Georgetown, clutching a desktop printer they had lovingly dubbed “Eddie the Epson.” When stopped by a curious passer-by who inquired about the strange object they were carrying, the students explained they were getting ready to chuck the now-defunct inkjet over the bridge because it had caused so many problems for its owner. The most they could hope for the printer now was that it would float, rather than sink, in the murky Potomac below.
Too far, way too far. Moms are catching on to AOL Instant Messenger and text messaging. Their touch is a taint. However, their new grasp on technology is tenuous. Observe a text message to one Scene staffer from mommy: “operationemptynestisagomissyouafterbreak.” She sure can write a check, but the space bar escapes her. Another Scene staffer’s mother has a tendency to sign online, type epic stories on to AOL Instant Messenger along the lines of “your father was cooking sausage for the neighborhood cats yesterday and took a nap. I was reading a new novel in the bedroom and fell asleep. We woke up hours later to the house filled with smoke and the detector blaring. Now dad is scrubbing soot off the walls and cursing those cats. It was a close call - we almost lost the house and you’re 3,000 miles away! Hope you’re having a good day, honey! Love, Mom,” and then sign offline. Thanks, Moms.