My girlfriend and I love each other very much and I really want to take that next step with her. However, she wants to stay a virgin for religious reasons until she is married. We have fooled around and stuff but she is really adamant about remaining “pure.” Do you have any advice?
~ The Boyfriend
Boyfriend, pressuring her into having sex with you might bring you ten minutes of bliss (or five minutes, if you’re also a virgin), but it will ruin your relationship and hurt your girlfriend. If having sex is more important than your relationship, you guys might not be the best match.
P.S. - It’s okay if having sex really is more important, different people need different things. Some people (myself included) need to have sex on the regular to be a happy person. Just don’t try to wheedle your girlfriend, who knows what she wants, into sex.
As a girl, how do you tell your somewhat prude girlfriend that you want to use a double-ended dildo together?
When you say “somewhat prude,” do you mean that she’s shy about having sex, talking about it, or about going outside of her comfort zone? All of the above?
I’ll make a caveat that there’s nothing wrong with your girlfriend for being a little prudish or you being a little (or a lot) not prudish, as long as neither of you make the other feel embarrassed. Making someone feel embarrassed about sex is rude and it’s a bonerkill (unless you’ve got a humiliation kink, but that’s a whole different conversation for another day).
Have you used any type of dildo with her before? If you have, talk about that experience and segue into the double-ended dildo. It’s a decent template for bringing up new sex ideas in general: “Hey, sugar bunches, remember when I ___ your ___? Since we liked that so much, I think we should try _____.”
If you don’t have that prior experience to build on, or you don’t like that suggestion, just ask her what she thinks about it.
When you talk about it to her, don’t try to convince her, but do tell her why you’d be into it. Maybe she’s not turned on by the idea of a double-ended dildo, but she’s probably turned on by the fact that it gets YOU hot.
Don’t pressure her, but don’t hold back either. Frame the discussion the same way you talk about other things. For example, if you talk about your feelings together, tell her how you’d feel about getting to share this cool thing together.
I met a guy at a club, we made out and he walked me home. He was expecting sex but I was drunk and didn’t want to do something stupid so I didn’t invite him in. We talked on Facebook and after a bit of flirting he asked if I wanted to see him again, I said yes, but he hasn’t specified a date. Does he want to just finally get me into bed, or actually get to know me? Should I ask when he wants to see him or will I sound ultra clingy?
Before you do anything, figure out what it is you want, because you haven’t made it explicit to me. It seems like you do want something more than sex, but maybe you’re not sure what you want with this guy because you just met him.
Consider the possibility that he’s not sure what he wants, either. Also, he may want to finally get you into bed AND get to know you. The two are not mutually exclusive. (He may also want to get you into bed, and depending on how that goes, get to know you afterward.)
It’s okay to be unsure about what you want, but be aware of your goals and desires before you reach out to him. Send one short message asking if he’s interested in getting a non-alcoholic beverage with you, and if he says yes, talk to him in person about what it is that you’re looking for. Don’t talk to him about what you’re looking for or try to get to know him better over Facebook. Talking in person will help you gauge his interest in pursuing something more than a hook-up.
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