Don’t let untrue sex taboos become the butt of a joke

It’s 3 a.m. and he has it in you right now. It hurts. You are two sober, consenting adults who have just embarked on the journey of anal sex. But let’s back up a moment and figure out how you got here and why.

First off, why have anal? Why do something that supposedly hurts so much? Well, we are here to dispel some myths and hand over some tips. With practice, it’s worth it in the end — the rear end, that is.

For starters, you are going to need a personal lubricant, and if you are new at this, you’ll need a lot. We suggest going the extra mile and buying a quality brand specifically used for anal. Any kind will do, but we always recommend using silicone over water-based. However, if you graduate to using silicone toys, be sure NOT to use a silicone based lube with them — it will actually melt them. Yes, melt.

Once you have a good lube in hand, you can begin to discover the prostate. The prostate is basically the male G-Spot. The outside of the prostate has millions of nerve endings that control erection, ejaculation and orgasm, making it an incredibly sensitive spot. The prostate itself is located on the belly button side of the male body, and feels like a ripe avocado (yeah, we just ruined that fruit for you). The prostate and area surrounding it is very easy to stimulate, yet too many men and their partners let it go untouched.

Many have difficulty getting over the taboo of touching their anus, let alone something inside it. Typically, our minds make it out to be something gross, when this is really not the case. And, for all of the potentially gross drawbacks to getting to know your prostate, there is much bigger satisfaction. It all comes down to using the right amount of lube; whatever you think is enough, use more. Go slow, and enjoy.

Rimjobs also come up as a taboo in our society. However, the act cannot only be incredibly satisfying, it can also be incredibly useful for relaxing the anus. This comes in handy for foreplay, whether or not you decide to engage in anal sex.

It’s also important for us to note that anal play of any type, including anal sex, can be for anyone. Far too often, guys think that investigating their prostate suddenly turns them gay. And the same goes for women who think their man is into dudes if they want her to stick her finger in them. This notion simply does not hold up. Gay, straight, bisexual — it doesn’t matter. Anyone can enjoy the feeling that comes from anal stimulation, no matter their gender or sexual orientation.

These preconceived notions come from a lack of communication. Communication is essential to make sex worth it for you and your partner. You cannot read your partner’s mind, and there is nothing wrong with asking them what they want and how they want it. This idea of communicating is especially important with any type of anal play where things can get painful if done too hastily.

Perhaps the most important thing about anal play is to know yourself. Before others discover you, discover yourself. Start to learn more about what you can handle and what makes you have that “O” moment. During moments of self-pleasure (and we will soon be writing an entire column about this), learn what you enjoy. Sometimes this will be your first experience with that part of your body, but before someone else goes there, it’s important for you to know how your body reacts.

Remember, cover your peter — it will be much neater. Condoms, which are absolutely essential for safe anal sex, can be found at the GLBTA Resource Center and the Wellness Center.

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