I wanted to write this week about Chuck Hagel’s Senate confirmation hearings. I wanted to write about the utter disrespect, callousness and vitriol that was heaped upon the former senator and war hero. I wanted to write about Sen. John McCain’s supreme fall from grace as he unjustifiably attacked first Secretary Hillary Clinton and then former Sen. Hagel for cheap political points.
But there is another issue that I simply have to address that is too important to ignore: our government’s attempts to restrict my Second Amendment rights.
Now the government is trying to take away assault rifles. Look, I know they’re not for hunting; you wouldn’t be able to eat venison with 10 armor-piercing rounds in it. Assault rifles aren’t for hunting. They’re for my self-defense, from our big, overreaching socialist government.
The problem is, if (and when) it comes down to defending ourselves from Big Brother, how can we know that assault rifles will be enough?
Uncle Sam’s got a whole army. For us, the “little guys,” assault rifles are simply not enough. If we truly want to protect ourselves from Big Government, we need something more. We need weapons just as powerful as what they have.
We need predator drones.
Predator drones are controlled remotely by a single guy in a room. I could use one from my basement and Big Brother would never find me. (There’s another amendment that says they can’t come in my house anyway.)
Drones are the most cost-effective for a fledgling resistance. They kill the opposition without putting a single defending soldier’s life in danger. And predator drones are the most precise weapons we have. The civilian casualty rate is dropping, so we’ll get fewer of our defenseless citizens and more of that socialist Big Government.
The Second Amendment does not define “arms,” and just as technology has advanced over time, our understanding of the Constitution must change with time. So, predator drones should be considered arms, and I should be allowed to own one.
It is my fundamental right as an American to protect myself and to have access to the tools I need in order to protect myself.
If senators like John McCain can be so cruel to a fellow war hero and veteran of the same war (Vietnam), there’s no telling what senators in the future will do to people like me, who haven’t served in uniform. Today, they want to take away our guns; tomorrow, our bullets.
If they want to take away my predator drone, they’ll have to steal the joystick from my cold, dead hands.
We’re just lucky that they still let us use the same vehicles our military uses. I got my Humvee in camouflage, just like theirs, so in case of a government takeover, they won’t see me coming.
Now they need to take their big, socialist hands off my weapons and my right to protection — and let me have my predator drone!
(The preceding satirical column originated from a late-night conversation with friends at AU. This should appear as a surprise to no one.)
Ryan Migeed is a sophomore in the School of Public Affairs and the School of Communication and the vice president of AU College Democrats.