• My texts always get ignored and my attempts to initiate social contact with people who I’d like to hang out with are hideously transparent.
• Dear girl sitting next to me,
I am indeed, as you guessed, too hot to be straight. It’s actually BECAUSE I’m so hot that I made the decision to be gay — to pursue physiques more like my own. Nevertheless, you are very flattering and don’t be surprised if I compliment your hair or shoes next time you look fashionable. I’m sure you’ll find that I’ll make a great classmate and an even better friend if you’d consider such a relationship.
The hot guy in your Philosophy class
(P.S.: If you have any other tragically adorable gay guy friends, hook me up! :D)
• The Asbury building is a completely ugly and the blight of the campus. Can we please rebuild a new building in its place? First arts students got a new building, then the business students, then the SIS students, then the SOC students: When will the psych students get some love? Psych is one of the most popular majors at AU. Stop ignoring us!
• Student Union Board: If you are going to organize events and give out free food, you need to do it in an organized manner (like by giving out slips with numbers on them to people as they walk in the door). That way people who were there before other people, don’t get screwed over. Either get organized or stop wasting my tuition money buying hundreds of burritos.
• My best friend is thinking of breaking up with her boyfriend because she can’t afford to buy him a nice birthday present for his upcoming birthday and doesn’t want him to know that. I told her this beyond ridiculous and there are plenty of things she could give him for his birthday that don’t cost money (like a massage, baking some cookies, making a cute card with magazine cutouts, writing him a poem, etc.) But she didn’t like any of my ideas. I don’t know what else to tell her. What are some good ideas for birthday presents for college guys that don’t cost any money?
• I’m straight, but before I met my current boyfriend, I had sex with a lesbian girl just to try it out. It was nice and everything, but I prefer being with a guy. Now she won’t leave me alone. She is extremely jealous of my boyfriend and constantly calls me, texts me, e-mails me, and is creeping me out. How can I get her to back off without hurting her feelings (or inciting revenge)?
• Has anyone else noticed that now that the Eagle changed their commenting platform to no longer let people comment without registering, there are significantly fewer comments on all the stories? Comments were the best part. I miss the witty comebacks! Dislike.
• I consider myself a fierce, intelligent, a carefree gal. I guess I can’t have a guy that’s on the same level as I am mentally. Darn.
• Being off campus has lead me to attend less and less organization meetings.
• I most ardently believe that most life crises can be cured with ice cream, a Snuggie, a beer or a big ole’ fashion hug ... combine all of these in no particular order and you’ve got what I secretly call ... “the cheapest therapy ever.”
• Spooning should be an Olympic sport. Everything all PG, nothing too high profile. It’s just affection and it rocks.
• My male dog > your crappy boyfriend
• People don’t think you’re stuck up because you’re quiet.
• Wonk ...’Nuff said.
• Dry campus? What a joke.
• My roommate thinks I’m a pushover because I’m quiet and study a lot in the dorm instead of hanging out. I want to be nice, but also let her know I’m not someone she can belittle. What do I do?
• To the girl who couldn’t stop whispering at Tuesday night’s college Democrats speaker: Did you not see everyone around you giving you “Shut the hell up” glances? Why would you come to an event just to talk the whole time and disturb everyone around you? Can you really not shut your mouth for one hour? It’s not that hard.
• When Britney said, “Kill the Lights,” I don’t think she meant Leonard seven’s lights. Please don’t leave me in the dark.
• Why aren’t there any reader comments? The newspaper should bring back the ability to comment anonymously.
• To my fellow floormate:
It’s great that you love to play your guitar so much. You even have a decent voice. But when you play it for six hours in a row SINGING THE SAME SONG OVER AND OVER, it gets to be a bit much. Please give the guitar a break for a couple of hour and let us do our homework in peace.
• You are quite possibly the most adorable boy I’ve met this year and I live for our conversations after class. Can you just ask me to dinner? Please?
• Note: Letts 3 South has, in fact, NOT had 15 alcohol transports.
• Dear Students:
I wanted to say thank you for peeing in the Tenleytown Metro Station on Tuesday night underneath the escalator. That’s really classy.
• Sex in the library? Ewww.
Sex in the new SIS building? Exciting.
• I’ve never seen a more incompetent group of people. Is that what $50,000 is worth?
• I LOVE WORKING WITH MY BFF AT PHONATHON, WHEN MY BFF ISN’T THERE I FEEL LOST.
• Where did the photos outside of the bookstore go to? Freshman Beanie Day forever!!!!!
• Why are there NO hot guys?
• I AM PRO CHOICE, BIRTH, AND ADOPTION!
• When were all-freshmen dorms ever a good idea?
• How the hell am I supposed to get a date when AU’s female to male ratio is like 75:25 AND of that 25%, like a quarter of those guys are gay, another quarter is made up of jerks, and another quarter already have girlfriends?! Que terrible.
• WHY THE HELL IS EVERYONE SO DAMN UNFRIENDLY?!?! I’m getting sick of the attitudes.
• Today’s my birthday and I’m afraid no one will remember.
• Did AU pay “Covert Affairs” to use the word “wonk” in last week’s episode? I know it was technically a word before, but in all my life I’ve never heard it used ... If we did, that was a huge waste of money!
• Leonard 3, it really is ok if you don’t go running and stomping down your hall at all hours. I promise I won’t be disappointed that let me get some sleep.