• I’m not sure what makes me happier, Charlie running the Eagle, or Glee coming back…
• Hey Undergrads who I overheard talking about this weekend’s “riot” at JMU, and how it’s a “school for dumbasses”...you’re lucky I’m nice. From a “dumbass” JMU Alumnus who is now an AU Grad student. If JMU is a school for dumbasses, and I’m in Grad School where you do Undergrad, what does that make you?
• Hey, after cleaning the stairs with something ultra-slippery, could you please put up a caution sign. Because that hurt.
• To the girl that works the Thursday afternoon shift at the gym: I can tell you’re bad news, but I’m asking you out soon anyway. I’ve been putting this off long enough. You’re hot.
• I didn’t want to date you anyway, you’re so pretentious and self-serving. Get over yourself.
• When I become nice and wealthy with my Kogod Degree I’m going to turn around and donate enough money to name the SIS school after George W. Bush.
Take that granola eaters!
• Great Men with Cats:
George W. Bush
• I think there should be a contest to name Charlie’s Cat. Or maybe a cartoon called Charlie’s Cat where the Cat becomes a talented opinion writer for the eagle and advocates something like a ban on neutering. Then the Eagle can be accused of being anti-bob barker.
SPECIAL EDITOR’S NOTE: Charlie’s cat already has a name; it’s Tito, and he is greatly loved by Eagle staff!
• I’m pretty sure I’m the only shoegazer on campus… please tell me there is someone else out there at AU! I don’t care if we fight as long as we are arguing over whether Ride or Slowdive are better.
• ROOMMATE NEWSFLASH: Someone wanting to sleep takes precedence over you doing anything involving lights and noise. I feel like I’m stating the obvious, but apparently not.
• Eagle’s Nest — I don’t need a new ID card, your register needs a new swiper.
• I would just like to thank the individual who named their document ‘F YOU AU LIBRARY2’ on the printers today. Made my day.
• A message for my body: Please find a new way of coping with stress, because the whininess, crushing self-doubt, and insatiable hunger are not appreciated. Thanks.
• This school should be embarrassed by the horrendous turnout for the KPU event yesterday. I mean seriously three former chairs of the joint chiefs and barely 100 people!!!!! What an embarrassment to the university. Also the “distinguished panel” why were there no professors only a bunch of fake Greek foreign service club boys!!!
• I was decidedly neutral about Nate Bronstein until he stayed the entire time at Take Back The Night, participated in it, and offered rides to people off campus after it was over at 2:30 a.m. I respect that hugely and he has my support in the future.
• “continual search for AU’s identity” I like that—in the sense that we are actually active in searching for said identity. I definitely felt the same about the lack of campus involvement, and I’ve been so happy with the passion elicited from the most recent big knepper debacle. But now the flame is gone, and whatever passion was shown is slowly fading away again.
• Dude seriously! Stop video chatting on the quiet floor at 3:30 a.m.! I’m trying to write a paper!!! Shut up!
• Should I take the reference to Jiminy Cricket out of my 50-percent-of-my-grade paper for my Honors colloquium? Oh the conundrums of college…
• I just found a toenail on the 2nd floor of the library… Seriously! Who clips their toenails in the Library?!?!? And on the quiet floor of all places?
• I didn’t speak up at Take Back the Night because I’m still not sure if what happened to me counts as violence.
• What happened to the Police Blotter? Eagle Rants have been too short lately, and PB is the next best thing.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Find it here
• To the two annoying girls sitting behind me at the KPU event who were talking full volume while those around them were trying to listen to the panel: How rude can you be? Do you not care that those around you are trying to listen to the panel? If you don’t want to pay attention, then why don’t you just take your conversation outside? Do you not care that people in front of you kept turning around glancing at you to shut up? Do you have ZERO self awareness? Just…wow. Get some maturity please. asap.
• Civitas still sounds like something I caught over spring break. IT BURNS!
• What is this incessant drumming outside my window? STOP!
• Looked out my window the other day ... we have a club lacrosse team??? No one told me!
• Can’t wait for all the douchebags to graduate and finally realize, “f***, I’m actually not the shit.”
• Cheating doesn’t count if it’s with an ex. It’s law.
• You, me and a bottle of jack.
• Is chivalry really dead?
• I > you.
• I could def fo sho write for the eags.
• I know we’re just friends and it would be a good idea to take things slow… But eff that. School’s almost over. Let’s fast forward to the part where we make out.
• Fun fact: you can’t hole punch your Smartrip AU ID… found that out the hard way.
• Go Greek or go home.
• Know who’d be awesome to have come to our school? Ann Coulter… then at least Knepper could have some competition for insulting the largest amount of people
• Can my roommate get a spouse so they’re in my room less?
• I enjoy reading the police blotter and knowing that at least two of the write ups involve me. Awesome way to remember my weekend.
• There is this new buff guy whose working in Jacobs… It was great fantasizing about him until I saw him in a quilt. Questionable, but then again we are at AU.
• The Gathering is actually pretty awesome
• In these last moments of the semester I hope to accomplish the following:
hook up with more people
keep my grades from slipping
find a significant other
find and move into off campus housing
possible? I think not
• Pandora is awesome. Genius watch out!
• You ever wonder how quadding ever became a verb? It’s kind of disgusting actually… laying outside all day just to be “seen” be everyone else, day drinking while attempting to show off your “great” body to your fellow peers. Get off your lazy ass and do something. We all know you’re not doing work.
• Hey!! I’m not sorry that it’s over just sorry for the way we let it end…
yes I’m referring to my college career.
• Reading all these rants that say “I’m ## and never been kissed” has made me realize that I’ve had 7 first kisses ... and none of them truly meant anything to me.
This makes me so very sad.
• To the freshmen who was calling his high school girlfriend in the SOC theater. I heard every word and I feel like I know your relationship too well. Also I liked the part about how your fantasy in the tropical resort was “so tropical and shit” the rest was gross. It’s a classroom and there are mics everywhere. Welcome to college.
• All of these specialized fraternities are little more than glorified cults. I want my friends back.
• Jen was a great editor, she will be missed by this reader!
EDITOR’S NOTE: Agreed!
• Does everybody REALLY know that the Bird is the word?
• Perfect Plan to make relationships last longer:
Every six months you earn a “Get a Random Hook-Up for Free!” card. You get one steamy night with a rando ... then you’re back to your lover with no guilt, no regrets, and a recommitted attitude. Be honest, you know you’re never gonna have another chance with that cutie in Microeconomics.
• I have noticed that not all Eagle Rants are published each Monday and Thursday. I’m not trying to complain but why can’t you publish them all? Do you pick and choose which ones are more interesting than others?
EDITOR’S NOTE: Some are too disgusting to be seen. Some are boring. It’s subjective.
• The Eagle needs to stop printing so many paper copies. Everyone reads it online, hundreds of copies of the Eagle go to waste each Monday and Thursday.
EDITOR’S NOTE: All the leftover papers get recycled by our publisher. No worries.
• Tito Szold should have his own column.
• I love how the Design show was barely up a week and they took it down for Freshman Preview Day. Are we not proud of our design students? Do we not want prospective students to see their excellent work? Just a thought. And I’m not even in the design program.
• I would like better variety of vegetables at TDR. I’m SO tired of squash!
• I love how they give school tours out of Katzen but the tour guides know nothing about the classes that actually go on in Katzen. You’re taking up space as it is, at least get the information right.
• I should not have, and will never again hook up with you.
• Guy in my sociology class. You are absolutely adorable. Very cute. Can we fall in love kinda soon?