• Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail will keep blow jobs from being given in the arboretum. Definitely heard some noises in there on Tuesday night.
• I’ve noticed there are a ton of skateboarders on campus this year? Anyone want to teach me to long board? I’m serious
• The girls on the AU gymnastics team are pretty hot.
• It would be cool if disgusting couples would stop hooking up in the lounge and the north side bridge.
• Just because you can make out/dry hump your girlfriend in the lounge doesn’t mean you should.
• I was walking the arboretum today. I think I saw an imprint of where some guy was kneeling in the snow. Was this a sign of the mysterious BJ guy? I think so!
• I think to solve the housing crisis we should all move to the arboretum with the guy who gives blowies.
• Dear annoying dramatic girls at AU,
We all see right through your vague Facebook status and know you just want attention. Work your shit out in private. I don’t want to hear it.
• Dear Eagle:
IF AU cared about Haiti (which I’m convinced we don’t) why aren’t we allowed to donate our library and parking fines to relief?
• SG needs to update its Web site more than once in a blue moon. My friend being the head of Club Council (and me trying to organize a club trip) is how I found out AUTO was back online. So much wasted time looking for alternate transportation and arguments!!!
• RE: the evolution rant last time:
New rule. If you don’t believe in evolution, you become a monkey again. Any takers?
• I really don’t understand the complaints about the housing plans for next year. Many people are complaining about their inability to finance off campus housing. I know the economy is bad now. However, some blame also rests with students. Students at AU attend a school that costs around 47k a year. If you really can’t afford 47k a year or are unwilling to take out a loan (or two), then you are much better suited to attending a public in state college. If you already have tons of loans and still can’t afford AU then this school isn’t for you. Save your money and your sanity by attending a college within your financial means. Otherwise you are following the same irresponsible financial spending pattern that led to the recession in the first place.
• I normally can’t stand Alex Knepper, but the radical postmodern Marxist queer Chicano feminists of color comment on last week’s Eagle Rants made me lol
• Why is it that ugly people always have the most obnoxious sex? It’s 2 a.m. and I can hear my neighbors bed shaking, her moaning, and him asking what about me. Really guys? is the necessary? I’m gonna go with no. So much for living on the quiet side.
• Person on L7 making loud, obnoxious, angry sexual threats when playing Mario Kart…that is NOT ATTRACTIVE. I doubt any drunk man or lesbian would want to hook up with you making that much noise. So please…do us all a favor and SHUT THE FUCK UP!
• Snowstorm + no channels except for ATV=the Shining
• okay, listen up all you “south of the mason-dixon” people, snow is not reason enough to stay balled up in your room all day. those of us from up north have no problem trekking through the snow to go out/eat/not go crazy. man the hell up.
• I am being kicked off campus next year despite the fact that I will be a senior and pay 100 percent full tuition for everything. WTF. Housing and Dining did not inform me of this until a few months ago. Fuck housing and dining.
• So apparently if you move off campus for a semester due to personal reasons, housing and dining does not let you move back onto campus the following year.
SCREW YOU HOUSING AND DINING!
• Why does housing and dining not offer room selection by credit hours anymore? Grrrr
• Dear sorority girl in my group project group:
I have always thought that sorority girls were vapid, shallow, dumb, fake, conformists who only enjoy drinking and gossiping. But you have completely changed my perception of sorority girls at AU. You are friendly in a sincere way, conscientious, polite to even the dumbest of our group members, and you really work hard in a collaborative manner.
You don’t seem trashy or slutty and you don’t wear disgusting amounts of make-up or jewelry. Congratulations on joining greek like and not becoming a stereotype. If only there were more like you. You are probably the nicest girl I have met at AU.
• Whenever I bring up marriage to my boyfriend of one year, he never says anything. (It’s not like I want to get married anytime soon, not until I’m at least 28.) I always try to bring up our future together, but he never wants to talk about it. Does this mean that he doesn’t see a future with me and he just doesn’t want to tell me that so that he can continue to get sex? Why else would he always avoid talking about marriage?
• Is it cheating to flirt with other guys on Facebook chat and not tell my boyfriend? It’s not like I do anything with them. Most of them don’t even live in the same city. What do guys think about that?
• Is there a club on campus for pregnant girls?
• I am a female and I do not understand what all the feminists are complaining about. Women have the choice in their lives to go work, stay home with their kids, or do some of both. Men don’t have that choice. Men are severely socially stigmatized if they decide to stay home with their kids while the wife works. Men do not have the options women do. So why are females the ones complaining? If I were a man, I would be pissed off at the injustice.
• If I have sex with a girl, my boyfriend doesn’t need to know, right?
• How dumb do you have to be to suspend Nick Hendra? Jeff Jones you need to reinstate him, now!
• Nick Hendra is like Michael Jordan. Without him our eagles are an endangered species.
• Yo, Jeff Jones, I’ll let you finish in a few, but that’s got to be the biggest boneheaded decision of all time.
Is Jeff Jones getting paid off by other schools to bench our best players? If not why did he bench Hendra? Putz.
• Dear Charlie:
Can you fix something about the headlines “Mets Among Losers in MLB Offseason” Mets is synonymous with losers. It’s like calling someone Fat Obese, or Skinny Thin.
EDITOR’S NOTE: As a Met fan I agree completely.
• The fact that I have been subjected to ATV for the entire weekend has been PURE TORTURE. PUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TORTUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I WANT TO GOUGE MY EYES OUT
• ATV being the only channel available during snowpocolypse has led me to my downfall…goodbye cruel world!
• Jeff Jones liked Nick Hendra when he needed a 300th win. Now that Jeffy has it, he doesn’t care.
• Can’t afford housing? Chances are you can still afford a blow job in the arboretum.
• Famous words before a disaster:
“Indians, what Indians?”-General Custer
“Iceberg alert, full speed ahead”- Captain Smith
“Lets go to the theater”-Lincoln
“Lets suspend Nick Hendra”-Jeff Jones.
• I feel like the upperclassmen complaining about housing are a vocal minority. I can’t imagine anyone actually wanting to live in the dorms.
• Sad fact: I haven’t met anyone at AU who’d be worth claiming my virginity. Maybe I should just hook up with the AU threesome and get this over with.
• I don’t like you romantically, but I don’t think you quite get it
• OMG, Mother Nature should have snowgasms more often =)
Radical postmodern Marxist queer Chicano feminist of color say: Alex Knepper can suck it.
• Today I complained about the disproportion of single women to single men on campus. MLIAU.
• I don’t think snow days are anything new for the staff at the school newspaper. Everyday seems to be a snow day for “The Eagle” in terms of journalistic talent.
• College ACB you are awful