• Yes, maybe some people in the greek system are different from the stereotype and decent people, it’s hard for the rest of us not to group you guys together. So many of you are alike. It’s impossible to identify each individual, as terrible as that sounds. I’m still going to stereotype you.
• You and your army of immature skanks don’t even disappoint me. Because if you all did, then that would mean I give a shit. You used to annoy me, but now I don’t care.
• I thought AU was supposed to be full of politically active, engaged youth. The Citizens United ruling, the death of the health care bill, the goddamn Tea Party - more than ever, students need to be fighting for the change we believed in.
Unless you’re all just AU Dems throwing out talking points, happy with being lied to and the corporate co-opting of the presidential administration we believed cared about students and their futures just a year ago.
• Dear Eagle:
Is it true that Charlie’s real name is Clark Kent?
• Dear Eagle:
Ten students are MIA in Haiti, you lead with an IFC infraction.
Is Katie Couric running your paper lately?
EDITOR’S NOTE: Refer to today’s Quick Take for our answer.
• Almost 7 years ago President George W. Bush ordered military forces to invade a country already suffering from nearly 10 years of near genocidal sanctions enforced by the United States. The invasion of Iraq was based on the “single question” as Bush put it. The question was, will Saddam Hussein end his weapons of mass destruction program? Well soon it was made apparent that there actually were no such programs, and the whole invasion was based on an entirely false pretext. However, 6 months after the invasion, the Bush administration announced that they were in fact lying when they claimed that they invaded to end the WMD programs, really the reason for invading Iraq was to bring democracy to the poor people living there…and nobody laughed. However, during all of this time it was never suggested in the corporate media that we might have been invading Iraq for the obvious motive of gaining further control over the world’s most precious resource.
Now, 7 years later, we have a president who has said he stands for change, but is in fact pushing ahead with Bush administration policies in Iraq, such as the massive U.S. embassy set to be built, a virtual city within a city, where naturally security forces will reside at all times. Furthermore, Obama is escalating the totally misguided war in Afghanistan to make it a never-ending conflict that could end in disaster for the U.S.
In short, change never comes from leaders; it comes from the people who make their voices so loud that leaders are forced to make concessions. This is why the time for activism is now, right now, no more waiting around for our glorious leaders to throw us some peanuts, we want change, NOW!
• That guy who doesn’t like “The Quick Take” is obviously the mystery man giving blow jobs in the Arboretum. TQT is fun.
• The new “campus beautification” shirts Phi Sigma Kappa made could be funny ... if those guys were actually hot themselves.
• I think AU should start random drug testing of Housing and Dining staff. I bet half of them wouldn’t pass.
• Why are my student fees being spent on drag shows? If I wanted to see a bunch of ugly women I would go over to Georgetown University.
• To the dork who wrote about cylons: There is no way the library could be cylons, they’ve got to be Klingons with that noble sense of honor and pride. Kaplah!
• As part of the new Civitas program AU students aren’t supposed to use the word angry, rather “grumpy” nor “stupid.” They’re supposed to say “Moody.”
• Is it bad that my respect for people goes down the minute I learn they’re in a frat/sorority?
EDITOR’S NOTE: Doesn’t that make you as ‘close minded’ as they are?
• I hate music. It’s got too many notes.
• In the really awesome Wikipedia game that is sweeping campus, you can get from Hitler to Neil Kerwin in under four clicks. Just sayin.
• Yo, old man on the 2nd floor of the library ... what are you doing here? Why are you having such a loud conversation on your phone? Why do you have an iPhone?
• I’ve always been curious about fraternities. Are frats simply an excuse for guys to engage in homosexual behavior while under the guise of the “brotherly bonding experience” and the phrase, “no homo?” I’m not sure if that kind of fun is a national thing or simple an AU thing. Your frat brothers are your bros right? You can do ANYTHING with them.
• STOP TALKING ON THE GODDAMN QUIET FLOOR, IDIOTS! I AM ROBBED OF SERENITY AT THE ONE AREA OF CAMPUS THAT IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE GUARANTEED. Seriously, I thought I found a place where I could escape the inane dumbassery of my peers.
• Why have all of the Eagle Rants sucked this semester?
And stop hating on the Ginger Kids
• Alex Knepper: Most hated individual at American University?
• Fire alarm, twice in one night in MGC? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.
• DID anyone else notice the hipster invasion? How did it happen with out anyone stopping them?
• Dear Quick Take Hater:
Do you know that scene in Raiders where Harrison Ford goes through a lot of trials to find the golden treasurer? That’s Charlie. Charlie goes through the muck and mess of the Eagle to find that one true golden piece in the entire issue and presents it to us to savor without the usual Eagle yypos.
Just call him Connecticut Jones!
EDITOR’S NOTE: Whoever wrote this clearly knows me well, so thank you anonymous friend.
• TKE had the first ever guido party. It was during welcome week and I have the pictures to prove it. Thanks for following in our footsteps everyone.
• If you don’t believe in evolution, you should probably go fuck yourself.
• AU should administer a mandatory IQ test before admitting students. That way all of the idiots can be weeded out before it’s too late.
• ATV: Bullshit.
• RE: Letterwearer in philosophy class ... since you’re taking a philosophy class, you will at some point learn that rational beings would never sink so low as to join greek life. Face it, Socrates, a true Greek, is rolling in his grave over people like you.
• FUCK EVERYONE WHO OWNS A BIKE AT THIS SCHOOL AND NEVER RIDES IT!! Your rusting piece of shit fixed gear is taking up the bike rack space. When I’m rushing to my class after biking to school, I don’t need to try to shove your bike as far away as possible just so I can lock mine up.
• To all of the upperclassmen currently living on campus: You can’t depend on Housing and Dining forever. Get the fuck over it.
31 Comments
Alex Knepper
Feb 4 at 12:36 AM
“Alex Knepper: Most hated individual at American University?”
Certainly I’m the most talked about in the Eagle Rants. Keep it up, radical postmodern Marxist queer Chicano feminists of color!
curiousity
Feb 4 at 12:42 AM
what is this wikipedia game that apparently is “sweeping” AU? Mysterious person, you caught my interest.
ahem
Feb 4 at 12:50 AM
I call shennanigans on this EagleRants time stamp. It was not posted at 8:00 pm. And I know this because I have been wildly procrastinating a five page paper due tommorrow.
Alex Knepper
Feb 4 at 1:11 AM
I swear if anymore of you radical postmodern Marxist queer Chicano feminists of color continue to insult me, I’ll be freeballing in silky short shorts for a month. Take a look at my ass bitches “cuz” you’ll be staring at it. Sorry women, you can’t touch.
Radical Postmodern Marxist Queer Chicano Feminist
Feb 4 at 1:41 AM
What is there to stare at?
Liberal Douche
Feb 4 at 2:03 AM
Alex Knepper is hilarious. I love that guy, regardless of whether I agree with him or not. Throwing “Chicano” into that label was AMAZING. Way to go dude
Alex Knepper
Feb 4 at 2:39 AM
“What is there to stare at?”
Simple - just stare at the junk in my trunk, keep your eyes on my badonkadonk “cuz” my short shorts are gonna be so short and tight, you radical postmodern Marxist queer Chicano feminist. Remember, you can’t touch, men only… but you can admire my beauty.
Seriously though...
Feb 4 at 3:05 AM
Enough about Alex Knepper. If he’s not the guy in the arboretum, I don’t want to hear about him. Who is this mystery man? And why is he giving blow jobs in the snow?!
OJ Simpson
Feb 4 at 3:16 AM
Can I touch, Alex? I promise to wear a glove.
Alex Knepper
Feb 4 at 2:02 PM
I have a secret admirer!
Paprika
Feb 4 at 4:55 PM
“To all of the upperclassmen currently living on campus: You can’t depend on Housing and Dining forever. Get the fuck over it.” I’d be happy to move off campus into some of the nice apartments I looked at at the housing fair…if I wasn’t poor! Seriously, we’re not all rich kids at this campus. I can’t be the only lower-middle class person here!
Chris Grumpy
Feb 4 at 5:27 PM
Of course you are! You are all rich! So you can may be over inflated salary. Now, I need to go eat a twink(ee!)
Re: Curiousity
Feb 4 at 7:48 PM
The amazing game is a variation of six-degrees of separation in which you try to get from entry to entry on wikipedia in a certain number of clicks. For example, the ranter mentioned going from Hitler to Kerwin in 4.
The way I originally heard it was trying to get from anywhere to Jesus in under 6 clicks, or something like that.
i facebooked infamous alex
Feb 4 at 8:05 PM
soo I had no clue wtf an Alex Knepper was & ya I can totally see what the hype is all about
SquirrelBoy
Feb 4 at 9:27 PM
To the person who said to stop relying on Housing and Dining: We wouldn’t be so upset if during our tours on campus when applying we weren’t told that we could get housing. They told us we would have housing for 4 years here, but now they’re taking it away. You don’t see a problem with that?
e
Feb 4 at 10:17 PM
I’m not even Greek, but what is up with all the Greek-hating?
I also loved Alex Knepper’s Chicano comment.
wait what?
Feb 5 at 12:36 AM
I agree that if you were told when you came to AU that you would get four years of housing, you should have the opportunity to get four years of housing. The new policy should be grandfathered in.
BUT
is someone really claiming that the reason they can’t move off campus is because they can’t afford it? The dorms are exponentially more expensive to live in. You need to do a better job of shopping around.
stuck in the dorms
Feb 5 at 1:19 AM
I get a housing loan through the school.
Open your eyes
Feb 5 at 2:35 AM
Some people take out loans to pay for their housing, or have scholarships. It’s not so simple with an apartment. Stop judging. Some people are in very tough financial situations.
Robert
Feb 5 at 2:49 AM
All these upperclassmen complaining about housing reminds me of the Republican Party. Like the Republican Party these immature kids fail to take personal responsibility into their own hands. You all aren’t middle school kids anymore, try to be more mature or at least act more mature.
The school is not your mom or dad. Housing and Dining will/should not hold your hand through the entire process. Sorry housing isn’t working out for you but life rarely is perfect. Our 20-21 yr old upperclassmen are SO mature they are probably getting acne over this issue, LOL.
Peace
Robert
Feb 5 at 2:55 AM
One more thing. This also reminds me of the mortgage crisis in 2008. Too many people overextended themselves financially and spent more than they can afford.
Perhaps, this housing crisis at AU is another similar situation. When something goes wrong with one’s financial situation, just blame the school instead of actually trying to find the tons of affordable housing. Yes, you won’t find good deals for housing near campus but you’ll be able to get affordable housing reasonably near campus. AND no the school will not bail you out if you get an apartment/house you can’t afford.
Cat
Feb 5 at 11:55 AM
To everyone talking about Housing and Dining and living off-campus: Yes, it sucks that AU isn’t doing a grandfather policy for this whole shenanigan. But unfortunately, there isn’t a lot we can do (complaining doesn’t amount to much). And while there are people that are dependent on scholarships and loans to live here, you can make it work! Just get creative with how and where you’ll be living. Take it from someone who lives a 20-30 minute commute from school: you get used to it. (And having your apartment/house ROCKS.)
Why do you want to kick me out?
Feb 5 at 12:44 PM
Can’t overextend what wasn’t there to begin with. I have a job, it’s called my work study. I get paid every two weeks. This money has a habit of going towards things like food and prescription medication and Sallie Mae interest (curse you Sallie Mae and your new loan policies!). I’ve been trying to save and I’m not moving off-campus by myself. Unfortunately, it looks like we’re splitting a two-bedroom between two of us and that’s not cheap. I can’t work full-time and my parents haven’t been supporting me. Also I’m 19. Thanks for caring.
Person
Feb 5 at 12:49 PM
I don’t understand why Greek life is such a horrible thing…granted, I’m in APO and not a “real” frat or sorority, but people need to lay off other people’s decisions. I know plenty of students that are nice, chill, smart…and involved in Greek life. They’re just glorified clubs, for fuck’s sake. Get over it.
Laura
Feb 5 at 6:47 PM
“TKE had the first ever guido party. It was during welcome week and I have the pictures to prove it. Thanks for following in our footsteps everyone.”
Sorry to break this to you, but you guys still aren’t original. Tons of guido themed parties have happened before yours.
Fact
Feb 5 at 8:47 PM
The guy in the arboretum will gladly give blow jobs even if you are in a fat.
wait what? (again)
Feb 7 at 12:26 AM
a. i have a loan that pays for my off-campus housing (from sallie mae). my parents aren’t supporting me either.
b. two bedroom between the two of you? no wonder it’s not cheap.
A ha!
Feb 7 at 2:34 AM
Can’t afford housing? Chances are you can still afford a blow job in the arboretum.
e
Feb 7 at 12:43 PM
I am also using my Sallie Mae loan for off-campus housing. AND last semester, My roommates and I paid just over $500/month, (I was splitting a 2-bedroom with 3 other people). University housing is about $1200/month.
Blowjob Guy
Feb 7 at 1:20 PM
Neil Kerwin now redirects to Adolf Hitler on Wikipedia. Now the Wikipedia game never ends!
Partyallnight N. Sleepallday
Feb 10 at 4:06 PM
RE: Alex Knepper - excellent use of the word “badonkadonk.” Bravo!
RE: Mystery arboretum man - why weren’t you giving out blowies when I was living on Northside? It would have been so convenient…
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