• Dear abroad students at AU,
In the U.S. the use of emoticons is limited to flirting. Please stop sending mixed signals.
Thanks!
• I can’t wait for Glee tonight!
It’s just filled with such wonderful warm fuzzy feelings.
• If we’re playing this badly against schools like CUA and Macon, how are we going to withstand the force of a major basketball school like Albany?
• Where can I buy an “I heart Charlie” shirt?
EDITOR’S NOTE: Only from me personally.
• McDonald’s McCafe McSucks and can McKiss my McAss.
• Dear AU Library:
Who pays your fine anyway?
Best,
AU Student
• That was an EPIC fire alarm being sprung in the MGC last night.
• I just spotted a Marine in uniform on the quad. Nom nom nom!
• Dear Tavern,
The chicken tenders were woefully miserable today. Please fix that.
•What’s the point of fraternities and sororities?
All you do is hang out with the same people every day. It’s a sad way to meet new people, and you tend to be very inclusive.
• Alright everyone ... here’s the truth. Everyone in AU are [sic] incompetent, unreliable, lazy and unmotivated to do anything. This is why we fail as a university compared to Georgetown and George Washington. They dream further and much better than us. Visualize AU as a valley of ashes where no one going to go anywhere with their degrees anyway. Just transfer, do it, I’m doing it, he’s doing it, let’s all do it. AU is garbage.
• My childhood nanny calls me more often than my parents. :( LOVE ME, DADDY!
• Contributing to Eagle Rants gives my life meaning. Thanks Editor. You have instilled in me a new will to live.
• To the guy who sits next to me in my GOVT class: You are a complete tool and I want to punch you in the face. Stop laughing at all the professor’s jokes and answering all her rhetorical questions. You annoy the shit out of me.
• If I rant enough, will someone love me?
• Yesterday I spent 30 minutes doing homework and five hours watching Gossip Girl.
• I rant because I’m lonely, and my soul yearns to be understood.
• I love my long distance boyfriend so much. But I love my girlfriend (who he doesn’t know about) even more. Houston, we have a problem.
• Does TDR actually wash their dishes? I am beginning to suspect. I demand disposable plates and utensils.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Be careful what you wish for.
• Hi, it’s me again, the girl in the one year relationship who still hasn’t had an orgasm.
So I am beginning to think my boyfriend is suspecting that my fake orgasms are fake. I really need The Eagle to do a good story of the orgasm speaker next week. Please?...
• Dear Editor,
I was just wondering if you have the power to see what IP address the rants come from, thereby giving you the knowledge of how many students are doing the posting? What all do you know about the ranter when rants are submitted…
EDITOR’S NOTE: We know nothing. It is completely anonymous.
•Sometimes when I Eagle Rant, I feel like I have the power to control the student body with my subliminal messages. muahahahaha
•Short boy with glasses in my JLS class: your mind turns me on.
•To the illogical person who has a problem with non-handicapped people pushing the handicapped button to open doors: Why would I voluntarily touch a germ infested handle in the middle of a swine flu epidemic when I could just as easily press a button with my foot and avoid touching the door? It’s not like the button will start rejecting opening the door for handicapped people because non-handicapped people use it. Let’s use our minds a little please.
•To whoever said they saw 13 of their Eagle Rants in a row: My record is 15. HA
• My father asked me if I was watching “the game” on Sunday. I replied that I didn’t know there was a game. Oh, if I could bottle the disappointment in his voice! You’ve raised a pansy, sir.
• Dear very cute boy,
You should talk to me more and before the semester ends! :]
• To the dick who stole my bike,
My brakes are shoddy. I hope the bike falls apart while you’re riding it. Sweet dreams douche bag.
EDITOR’S NOTE: I would like to direct this Ranter to a previous article in The Eagle entitled “Rant: Fuck you Bike Thief.” I believe you will empathize with the author.
• When did Eagle Rants become a dating service?
• Dear Eagle,
Can you possible make a classifieds section for AU singles? If you can, can I please be the matchmaker??
• Last week, I posted about my roommate interested in a semi-formal date/snuggle buddy. If you’re interested, e-mail .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)! Don’t be shy!!!
• Unfortunately all the guys worth dating at AU are gay. Fortunately for me I swing both ways. But where are all the cute single not-straight girls?
• Dear Neighbor,
I know you have a very healthy sex life but please keep in mind that our walls are not real walls so thumping against them is very audible.
Your Neighbor trying to sleep
• To guy sitting next to me in my German class, I think you are soo HOT!!!
• How many rings do you have, Red Sox fan? If you were all that great you would have been at the World Series but you were not.
• People in my sociology class: when the professor is lecturing and you loudly talk over him about meaningless things, it is extremely rude and annoying to those of us trying to listen! I know you’re bored but please shut up!
• Look, complaints about TDR should go on the TDR complaints board. Complaints about your roommate should go to your roommate. Complaints about your professor should go on evaluations, or Rate My Professors. Send these gripes where they’ll do some good; quit forcing the people looking for entertainment to read about your legitimate and occasionally depressing concerns!
•To everyone complaining about people taking the elevator to the second or third floor: a) stop being assholes, not all disabilities are visible; b) how can it possibly make that much of a difference to you anyway?
• Threesome seekers: not lame, just can you think of any other place possibly in the world that would be sketchier to meet people than Eagle Rants?! Apparently, a lot of people can’t, actually.
• Please stop whining about the lack of straight guys on campus. What is way more appalling and sad is the lack of lesbians and queer women on campus! Where my single ladies at?!
•Everyone at this school wants to save the world but all I want to do is work at a fashion magazine. I feel like such a freak.
• Dear neighbor,
As much as I enjoy hearing your boyfriend have sex for a few minutes, then talking effing loudly for a few minutes, then have sex again, could you do it when I’m not laying in my bed a mere inches away from all of your excitement?
• I would just like to send out a big “fuck you” to the jerk who stole my phone at TDR tonight.
• Remember the first episode of Spellbinder where the dude goes into the parallel world? Haha, that was epic.
• To the piece of shit who stole my friend’s iPhone:
REALLY? YOUR PARENTS ARE PAYING TENS OF THOUSANDS OF $$$ TO GO HERE, DO YOU NEED TO BE STEALING SHIT?
• I HATE HALLOWEEN, but thanks to the people who made mine fun, anyway. Let’s hang out again, I’m serious.
• Dear roommate,
After learning about how much of a klepto you are at stores, etc…I semi-suspect you’ve stolen the earrings, cash and thermos I’ve lost since I’ve been here. It’s unfortunate and probably wildly unlikely, but true.
Love,
Your worried roommate
• To the boy I’m actually obsessed with: I want us to date. And sit on the quad all day. And eat shitty TDR food. And watch movies. And hang out. Drunken hookups are so last month. Make a move!
EDITOR’S NOTE:
(Set to the tune of “Kiss the Girl” from “The Little Mermaid)
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
My, oh, my
Look at the boy too shy
He ain’t gonna soberly kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Aint it sad?
Tell him or he won’t ever
Kiss the girl.
Kapish?
• How sad is it that I submit tons of Eagle Rants because I know I have no chance of ever having a post secret posted online?
• To the boy (who lives 2 floors below me) that I met in the basement of a party while we were waiting for the cops to leave: I see you everywhere but neither of us do anything more than acknowledge the other’s existence with longer-than-usual locked eye contact. Change this, I don’t have the confidence to.
25 Comments
chuck norris
Nov 11 at 11:02 PM
1. au’s busiest student…really? while that is busy i feel like there are more??? because of that, my math prof is doubling my hw amount. you . suck.
2. contrary to other’s convictions, au is a great school. just because you got rejected (god forbid you have a set back and plans change) from an even more competitive school doesnt mean the student population is lazy or the like. while there might be a “typical” student i do not believe it is attributed by laziness or apathy.
asdkljfds
Nov 12 at 12:42 AM
to the girl who said she feels like a freak for wanting to write in a fashion mag: I FEEL THE SAME WAY, only I wanna be lady gaga/a lit student who gets an amazing job. did we pick the wrong school?!
s
Nov 12 at 1:07 AM
There is a word in some other language for when two people have feelings for each other but think the other person couldn’t possibly feel the same way. It is sad that our desires have been relegated to anonymous eagle rants.
seek.third
Nov 12 at 1:45 AM
Why yes, actually…craigslist! I’d rather keep it in the university pool.
Ghandi
Nov 12 at 2:04 AM
Dear student who compared AU to a “valley of ashes” - I hope you find a school that appreciates your terrible grammar, spelling, and even worse analogies. I would say people here look pretty damn far, considering they all want to accomplish the impossible task of saving the entire freaking world. Good riddance.
Dear student who wants to work for a fashion mag: amen. Let’s not save the world together and instead just do something mediocre but satisfying.
CAS Student
Nov 12 at 2:52 AM
Dear student who wants to transfer,
Get the fuck out of AU, motherfucker. Could you tell me, how you know the extent of dreams at Gtown and GW? Dreams are based on personal ambitions. You can succeed regardless of where you go, if you have the energy, attitude and commitment to excel.
If you aren’t succeeding at AU, how do you plan to succeed at schools you view as superior to AU? You need to get a grip on life, and stop blaming AU for your problems. Don’t blame AU for your failures as a person. GOOD RIDDANCE.
Thanks
Cadmiumred
Nov 12 at 12:58 PM
Blah, blah, blah,
I’m controlling and love it,
blah, blah, blah.
Der...
Nov 12 at 1:27 PM
If you’re going to hate on your school, at least learn to spell.
AU lesbian
Nov 12 at 1:28 PM
the the queer girls writing to eagle rants complaining about not finding women:
where the hell are you looking? start coming to q&a events, qwac (queer women’s advocacy committee) meetings and the resource center. several of us are single including myself; you’ll find us.
AU lesbian2
Nov 12 at 2:57 PM
dear AU lesbian(1?)
i hate the word ‘queer’ it’s so offensive. that’s why i dont go to ‘q&a’ events or the qwac. why use such a sensitive word for something so public? beats me…
Healthysexlife
Nov 12 at 5:09 PM
to the girl/neighbor who complained about my healthy sex life.
Maybe you should leave you room more, I’m sorry that on Saturdays at midnight you’re always in your room, or for that matter anytime every day you are in your room. Get a life and can you be like your other roommate and go back to Boston every weekend.
"queer" girl
Nov 12 at 11:44 PM
I really don’t like that word. It’s always sounded a bit like a disease. (And no I’m not anti-GLBT rights and/or individuals.)
Queers & Allies events, while well-intentioned, are kind of lame because the same people are always at all of them.
And the Queers & Allies t-shirts are boring. (“Come out & play?” Really? You couldn’t think of anything more original?)
CAS Student
Nov 13 at 2:13 AM
Dear AU Lesbian,
Honestly, I find it surprising that the LGBT community does not use words such as “queer”, “homosexual” and even perhaps even “fag(got)” in every day terminology. Considering how much anti-LGBT bullying happens in high schools and middle schools, it would be better to try and take back these words. The words “queer” and “faggot” are offensive simply because society has given it an offensive definition. If more LGBT people used the word “queer” or “faggot” the word would become less offensive. You would in essence disarm the offensiveness of the word.
Just my take on how to make society a little bit more welcoming for LGBT people.
CAS Student
Nov 13 at 2:21 AM
I’d like to respond to queer girl’s criticism of Queers & Allies (Q&A). I think she is correct in her criticism.
Q&A in my view is more like a get together fuck club in the mold of a LGBTA student organization. Most of the new members come to Q&A at the beginning of the semester to look for fuck buddies and never return when they find a lover. I feel that the LGBT community needs to get its shit together.
Prop 8 and Maine are the best things to happen to the LGBT community. Before the LGBT community hardly gave a fuck about gay rights activism. They were more interested in who they wanted to fuck for the night. Now gays understand that their rights are in jeopardy. At least the community is more active in activism now.
FYI, I am a strong supporter of LGBT civil rights.
AU lesbian3
Nov 13 at 8:55 AM
I HATE THE WORD QUEER TOO AND I FEEL LIKE NO ONE ELSE DOES. Good to know I’m not alone…
!
Nov 13 at 1:05 PM
Dear Foreign students at AU, we welcome you with open arms and smiles. But if you hate america so much than please pack up your bags and get the hell you.
Queer Guy at AU
Nov 13 at 4:32 PM
I hate the Gay life at AU. If you’re not a size 24 waist with perfect skin and give into the slavish pro-abortion movement you’re treated poorly.
Agrees with !
Nov 15 at 2:09 PM
! - I totally agree with you, I had a crazy ex roommate last semester from a country that doesn’t have much love for Americans & let me remind you our school’s motto is “Pro deo et patria” which means for god & for country so feel free to leave AU/America if you don’t agree!
Red Sox fan
Nov 15 at 5:17 PM
Hey Yankees fan, the Red Sox started off with a great season. I’m sorry we just don’t have the money to buy ALL the best players. Think about it- the two teams in the World Championship this year were Yankees (the franchise is currently valued at over $1 billion- over 50% more than the 2nd place Red Sox) and the Phillies who I imagine got a BIG spike in value and interest since their win last year. So congrats for winning because you have such a ridiculous advantage.
AU lesbian
Nov 15 at 5:52 PM
@au lesbians 2 & 3 and ‘queer’ girl:
the word “queer” has a bit of controversy about it, i agree, and using it for something so public is kind of weird (not to mention oddly trans-exclusionary, in the case of q&a). the thing is that the lgb movement has absolutely reclaimed it in the past, oh, 10-15 years? it doesn’t have the sting that it once had, and while i understand your feelings on the word, there are a lot of us that like it and self-identify with it.
sorry that you don’t like it but i guess that’s something that you should voice to the higher ups in q&a.
my main point was that there are certainly a ton of lesbian and bi women on this campus, and that there are several places to find them!
stuck here
Nov 15 at 10:08 PM
To fashion maggie, I don’t care about saving the world either. I’m majoring in the hard sciences (talk about unloved at/by AU) but I can’t afford the colleges I’d want to transfer to.
CAS Student
Nov 15 at 10:59 PM
Dear Stuck Here,
I’m sorry you are being forced against your will to attend a school with a tuition fee in excess of $30,000.
Perhaps if you did better in high school, you would have gotten a scholarship at a school that appreciates the hard sciences. I would suggest that if AU doesn’t suit you, you should find other schools to attend. None of the DC schools are science oriented. I would have been wise for you to do your research prior to coming to AU. Otherwise you are stuck here.
Just a thought.
CAS Student
Nov 15 at 11:05 PM
typo - It would have been…
better CAS Student
Nov 16 at 12:06 AM
Yo CAS student, you really need to STFU.
There are these things called scholarships that a lot of us are here are on. Thanks to said scholarship, it’s cheaper for me to attend AU than it would be to pay in-state tuition at my state university. Not all of us are here on daddy’s credit card.
So shut it.
stuck here
Nov 17 at 1:03 AM
To CAS student, I’m on scholarship here so its by far the cheapest school I applied to (and I did apply to transfer but it was still the cheapest). My parents forced me to pick AU because they couldn’t afford the colleges I really wanted to go to. AU was my last choice because I knew it had such a small science program. And just for the record, I was valedictorian of my (pretty damn competitive) high school. So FU for talking trash about shit you don’t know.
To much better CAS student, thanks for getting my back.
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