• Re: lots of friends but still feeling lonely:
What do you think it takes to truly feel connected? Sex? Cuddling? Weed?
• In Pine’s CNN video clip she says that if she would have brought her baby to class and then bottle fed her rather than breastfed her, there wouldn’t be an issue. Um, yes there would be an issue. The reason you couldn’t take your sick baby to day care was because sick human being infect other human beings. So you decided to expose your whole class to a sick baby. Use your brain a little bit.
• Professor Pine: Your baby is 5 months old right? That means 5 month plus 9 months in the womb. So you’re had over a year to figure out what you would do in the event your baby was sick. Yes, our society needs much improvement when it comes to supporting working mothers. But at least admit your own shortfalling when it comes to planning ahead.
• @LDR ranter: You can do this. Think of the military spouses who sometimes go almost a year without seeing their loved one. I give you some perspective. At least your bf/gf is not in imminent danger. And at least you get to communicate with via all the modern day technology that we are lucky to be able to afford. I hope that gives you some perspective. Yes, LDRs are had and lonely. Bu it could be much worse.
• @ranter in LDR: I am also in an LDR (one of the main LDR ranters from last year). Let’s support each other. ☺ I’ve been in an LDR for 3 years now. 7 more months to go. The first month is the hardest. It does get easier. But I won’t lie, it is always hard. I cry almost every day. But I know it makes me a stronger person, and it makes me that much more thankful when I actually do get to be with him.
• Editor, Sorry so many people are mean to you. I appreciate you.
And thanks for posting rants earlier today. You rock!
[Editor’s Note: I feel like I probably ruined this moment by forgetting to post rants today]
• It’d be nice if people could return movies to the library as soon as they’re done watching them, instead of waiting until they’re due. I’ve never had luck getting Zoolander out and I really wanted to watch Space Jam this weekend. :/
• @happy person who wants to cut- stay strong I’ve been there and found out there were underlying issues I hadn’t been dealing with but cutting is never the solution. you are beautiful and amazing never forget that!!
• Where are the girls who love Dave Matthews Band as much as The Sauna?
• @” You’re a boy..you obviously liked me…please stop being a jerk and knock on my door..with love from the girl who you should like xoxoxo kiss my ass” “Just for that, How about no!” YOU DON"T EVEN GO HERE!
• If you are a straight, single guy here—you’re doing it wrong.
• @person asking if they will get kicked off the network for watching porn: lolololol
You realize the whole school (and every college kid everywhere) would be kicked off the network if that were true right?”
• Spec Ops: The Line is the best military game I have ever played. Get it.
• so guy with horn-rimmed glasses who likes BWE. Yes, I will go to your room and watch it with you and other things. Note: other things.
• I want to make you feel wanted.
• I just want to kiss and make out and casually just be petted every now and then. Who is with me????
• I just had sex, and it felt so goood!
• Best place to poop on campus: the handicap bathroom on the second floor of bender. You’re welcome.
• I’ve been in a horrible mood all this weekend despite having a fine time and I don’t know why. I’ve concluded I must just be a whiny bitch, but that doesn’t quite explain everything.
• Where are all the girls who love Dave Matthews Band as much as The Sauna does?
• @Why am I so lonely- I totally understand what you are saying! I am assuming you are a freshman like me?? I think it will just take time to adjust to this new life here…..
• @Why is McDowell 4 the only cool floor in this hall?
You could also just come hang out. We’re pretty open here xD”
• I think I just heard the term “sugar tits” in the hallway. #college
• I’ve only been here for one month and my entire mode of communication has degenerated into internet memes.
• @open mic
What did you sing again? I remember that I liked it, but I forget the name of the song.
• Eagle Secure is possibly the worst part of this school
• Area 95.5, the DC dance music station, is actually really jamming.
• To the socially awkward gay guy. The girls here are beautiful, no matter what you say, so hush.
Sincerely a straight and single guy
• I don’t know if it’s just my floor or if all floor meetings are just passive aggressive bitch fests. Probably just my floor.
• I love the feeling when you see a rant and know EXACTLY who wrote it.
• Dear person having noise problems in the Berks: I typed up a detailed explanation of what you can do to deal with the noise, but the editor didn’t print it. I’m sorry you’re having noise problems and I hope it gets better. Editor, that wasn’t very nice, I was trying to help someone.
• Fallin’ hard for one of Andotennial’s RA’s… #swoon
• When do the AU gamers meet? Will you all judge me because I’m not very good at gaming, but still like to do it?
• To the person on Tumblr insulting the political cartoons, jealousy is not a pretty thing. Please be nice.
• Re: gay population (from 9/15): so glad someone else understands this.
• I just wish I knew the truth as to why I wait for you, longer than the average person would.
• Short girl, you have a rockin’ ass
• Aww, hang in there girl. Just glad you’re okay. We love you AP!!!!!!! <3
• I knew that rooming with this particular friend was a bad idea but she wouldn’t listen. no were fighting everyday and I’m really stressed out. I don’t think I can handle this much longer: I can’t study or do express myself and every time I open up to her about I’m inconsiderate and close-minded. I can’t tell if she’s my friend or if I’m her convenient maid. I hate that I was right (as were all of my friends besides her)
• Guys: if I say I can’t Skype because my roommate is in the room, the clever response is not “She can join too!”
• I have such a thing for jewish girls. Are there any out there who would go for a gentile like me?
• To all the Hughes people running for RHA positions: the more aggressively you campaign, especially on Facebook, the less I want to vote for you. In fact, it really makes me want to punch you in the solar plexus.
• I am out of things to look at on the Internet.
• I’m a freshman and I have to ask, does the homesickness ever go away? Or do you just learn to live with it? and How long does that take? Because it’s tearing me apart right now.
• To all the poser feminists out there who decided Pine’s story was your moment to shine… when you have more than some nipple centered catch phrase or memorized political slogan, I’ll continue to read your posts. Otherwise, GTFO!
• @I have everything I could ever want at this point in my life. So why does cutting myself suddenly seem so appealing?
Don’t worry, you aren’t alone, the solution is in the question. Try opening yourself up to new experiences and new challenges. The human soul needs goals and stimulation to stay motivated and fulfilled.”
• @ What’s the best way to lose lower stomach fat?
A: Eat less, exercise more.
• Umm, we subsidize the Dav because decent coffee is expensive…. And while the University is more than happy to provide shit coffee to students everywhere else, the faculty and staff require a higher standard
• The reason I applied to this school was because of it’s politically active ranking. Why the ever-loving sexual intercourse are you trying to change the student government into the student assembly? You think that’s going to go over well? Do you?
• REATH! WE MISS YOU, COME BACK!!!
• I get the impression that everyone thinks I’m a creep. I’ll admit it. I can be at times. I have pornography on my phone. I masturbate on a regular basis (sometimes in public bathroom stalls). I may get attached to women. But do I ever stalk or try to harm anyone? No. I’d never do that. I’m not the kind of creep you think I am. So you haters can all go f*** yourselves.
• Theres always that one girl thats on my mind. Currently its you. I feel you ditched me on that date this weekend. I can understand if you did have a lot of work to do. But if not, you could at least tell me to my face that you don’t want to see me, instead of avoiding me. Come on. We’re supposed to be adults. I feel like we’re both acting like children. You avoiding me. Me taking it so hard. If you just told me that you weren’t interested, I could move on. I wouldn’t hold it against you.
• The TDR box policy is such bs and I hate it so much. So, to whoever made that stupid policy if you find one of those $5 green plastic boxes filled with poop on your doorstep, I am not sorry.
• blacked out and then once I finally stopped vomiting I did the AlcoholEdu program JUST to be ironic.
• Imma big black n***er.
• As an alumni, eagle rants are the only connection I care to maintain with AU. Phonathoners, sorry, but I dislike your calls and have no money. However, I would donate to you if you said I need to do so to fund eagle rants. Much more motivating than class size.
• Don’t you love when people think having a friend of a friend who’s involved in something makes them qualified to speak intelligently on a subject? Guess what, it doesn’t, you sound like a fool.
• when is the eagle going to have the drop-down menus back? it makes me sad every time i try them and they don’t work :(
• Just went to a different floor to take a massive dump. I’m so considerate of my floormates.
• That awkward moment when things that seemed so exciting now just seem to fill you with dread. What is going on?!
• @NoLongerConstipated….I’m pretty sure they put laxatives in the food. It’s to prevent the whole school from getting sick. Enjoy TDR.
• I have no idea how to date guys.
• I’ve read tons of therapy books an seen multiple counselors to get over the abuse I suffered as a child. But at what point can I be better? How many more books do I have to read? How many more counseling sessions do I have to do?
When can I finally say, I am as healed as I am ever going to be?
• I’m sure that Gangnam Style is a fantastic song, but please stop playing it at full blast all the time. Some of us are trying to do homework or be productive with our lives.
• I was concealing a deadly, but silent fart in today’s class. I apologize if I let that bitch breath a little bit.
• MCDOWELL 7: Are you doing jumping jacks? Running in place? Hopping up and down? Stop. You’re annoying.
• Indonesian Martial Arts is kicking my ass, but at least there’s some nice scenery in the form of attractive men. Unfortunately, I look like hell in martial arts pants, so I can’t return the favor by looking nice myself.
• wish there was a shuttle from the berks/avalon/4200/4201 apartments to tenleytown metro - with the housing price raise, not all of us can live on campus :/
• I am mad that Zach Cohen didn’t snarlingly tittle his editorial “Nipping these Rumors at the Teat.”
• Ok don’t tease us by posting rants by 5 pm one day
And them not having them up still at 9 pm on Monday when we need them most! Not okay!
[Editor’s Note: I don’t like Mondays]
• You know that if you had been a bit more patient, you would have gotten what you wanted.
• Some of our sororities have terrible reputations for being fake and catty. I’m not going to point fingers, and im not going to name names, but I know several girls who cried in horror after getting into some of the supposedly “top ranked” sororities. Most of them dropped, but a few went through with the pledge process just because they didn’t want to be left out. I bet their “sisters” don’t know that.
• Who asks people to rank the sororities on eagle rants anyway? Of course the answers are going to be biased depending on who answers the question. How about you wait til spring and go through rush yourself, and not worry about what ranking the sorority YOU HAVENT EVEN MET YET is ranked. Besides they’re all mostly kind of friends with each other so it barely matters
• you dont read these. but just FYI. if i could, i would sleep with you so fast…. #clubcest
• I’m pretty sure my roommate and I are pathetic for procrastinating homework by obsessively refreshing the rants page. Oh well.
• cough cough cough cough cough D:
• RE: Mosh Pit Philosophy
• Can a brother get a warning when Nebraska Parking Lot is not completely filled? I was irrationally angry when I had to park in Katzen.
• I have a weird crush on my 60 yo professor….wat.
• I got tears all over my face.
• I would never go to a reddit meetup but I would casually walk past it several times just to see who is a redditor on this campus.
• will trade meal swipes for massages
• Impeach the new eagle rants editor, this is embarrassing.
• My neighbor is so cute, but I don’t want to deal with floorcest. #dormlife
• The girl I love lives in california, this isn’t as much a rant as it is a sigh…
[Editor’s Note: This is the way the eagle rants end
This is the way the eagle rants end
This is the way the eagle rants end
Not with a bang but a whimper.]