•@ "Dafuq is wrong with you?"
As an American, I'd like to invade Dafuq tomorrow. They stole our Cheese Nips.
•RAWRRR. I planned Thursday to be silent and roommate-free so I can finish my huge paper. Except it sounds like my neighbor's shower tiles are being replaced one by one and there's SO MUCH BANGING AND LOUD NOISES.
•"These didn't used to be so low" -Carl Saggin'
•@"Why is the final schedule so cruel?" Because if every class started its final on-time, then 4:00pm class finals would go until 6:30pm, thus messing up 5:30 classes for everyone. Hey wait, that's not such a bad idea...
•I don't give a fuchsia about you!
•Huzzah for those Carl Sagan rants!
•Update: the deafening construction on my neighbor's bathtub stopped almost immediately after I sent in that rant. Eagle Rants, you have magical magical powers.
•Ugh, I'm already antsy to get my grades posted already.
•My neighbor is loud, annoying, and rude at all hours of the day. I hope he moves or drops out. I would add "graduates" to that list but since he apparently never does any homework, I don't think that's a possibility.
•Wish I could just have a hook up for finals week, I need some way to get rid of all this stress
•Editor- I don't understand why you can't get the message to STOP CENSORING rants. If people have comments about Sarah McBride, and they're not obscene, by your own rules, you have to publish them. She's a public figure and like it or not, people have a right to express their opinions. If she didn't want the criticism, she shouldn't have published in the Eagle. You guys published it, you have to allow ALL sides of commentary.
[Editor's note: Hateful Rants will not be published. See Rants rules.]
•@fruit sharer: you made my day
•NANTS INGONYAMA BAGITHI BABA!
•@”Even the Texas Rangers who she claims to have helped deny working with her.” Are you seriously using this as your evidence? NO ONE she works with is allowed to confirm that she worked with them. Evidence discovered through a psychic is not admissible in court because we don’t yet understand the science behind it, so the police have to say that they found the evidence on a hunch via good police work. Are you really that clueless?
•@”And its very convenient that she can't do it on command isn't it?” Ya, it’s convenient that you can’t dream on command either. You must be lying whenever you talk about your dreams. Just because you don’t understand the neuroscience behind what she does doesn’t mean that she is faking it. People said the same thing about the first scientist who said that washing hands before delving babies would prevent more babies dying from infections. Why is it impossible to think there could be mind germ or mind DNA that we haven’t yet discovered?
•Can we vote to change the once a week summer rants? Is there any way the new editor will change his/her mind and decide to do daily rants? I can't take the weekly suspense! And it hasn't even started!
•@”Actually, the person harassing me started harassing my friends as well so I stepped back to protect them, and now because of this person and their friends I'm afraid to go out on campus except for class.” Why can’t you just ignore this person? I doubt AU has bullies who would follow you around harassing you. But if there is one, have you told your RA or campus security? PS Sorry for your situation.
•I can't wait to see my LDR bf either. That sense of peace knowing you will see him is wonderful. But I have to wait 6 more weeks. :(
•@”It's people like you that make people afraid of the gym.” People WHO, not people THAT.
•@”Maybe the OP just doesn't have things in common with the people they've met.” Assuming the rant was not jointly written by two friendless people, the plural pronoun “they’ve” does not go with the singular noun “OP”. You’re welcome.
•I don't wanna leave AU next week!
•@”@ Chick who tried to give me an HJ. Don't try to perfect what I already have. You'll just embarrass yourself.” Curious, how does one perfect a penis with a HJ? Is it through really tight squeezing and then it just morphs shape like play dough? jw…
•@obsequious guys rant: Personally I like having an obsequious guy who wants to be my slave.
•@ “Thanks AU...for one more year of horribly overpriced food and limited dining options.” You do realize AU was voted best vegetarian and vegan food for any college in the country right? AU food is great. Stop being a snob. Sorry you don’t have a personal chef following you around.
•@"Can we revoke the campus plan?"
-Your license has just been revoked.
•ONE INCH. ONE FREAKING INCH. What kind of sick human being forces a sleep-deprived, hopeless college student to remount a project because the illustration board is ONE INCH too short.
•Dear Editor, Dorm ≠ Res. Hall
•I respond well to jerks
•It is me, the AU Vigilante. I am here to give my only warning to those who seek to take advantage of the drunk and vulnerable. Starting this summer and next semester I will be doing safe walk backs, quad patrols and other activities to ensure people are safe on this campus and the surrounding area 24/7. I will also create a system in which anyone can reach me if they ever feel unsafe. You may not see me, but you will feel my presence fighting evil on this campus. Vigilante Out
•Hope is not lost. Faith is not broken. The Vigilante lives
•can we make war against all the biddies?
•I do like you, I really do, but some things about you I really dont like.
•IF YOU SAY GDI AGAIN IMMA PUNCH YOU IN DA FACE <3
•Why do I bother playing support if my carry is just going to end up rushing a black cleaver and a warmogs. LoL fans will know what I mean. So many bad AD carries.
•I wish I hadn't wasted so much time in the beginning of the semester trying to be friends with one group of people. I feel like I missed out on making other friends who I would have clicked with better. I feel like it'll be harder to start up friendships as a sophomore than it was at the beginning of freshman year.
•I really don't want to have a big wedding with lots of people. Large crows for extended periods of time really stress me out. I'd rather just elope. But I know my brother and sister want a big wedding party. Is it selfish or emo to elope? Btw, my bf also prefers a very low key elopement.
•I love you so much. I wish I could give you your love language, but in this situation I cannot.
•Atlantic > Slate + Salon
•I wish eagle would allow anonymous commenting on the articles again like they used to a few years ago. It really sucks how now the articles don't have any comments. But I guess I'll just have to suffice with commenting on articles via eagle rants.
[Editor's note: Our comment system changed, making comments no longer anonymous. You can always make up a username.]
•Taking a shot of whiskey right before my exam today = best finals choice I've made yet.
•The only reason I really want to know your sexual preference is because I think you're dating potential. I know it's technically not my business and that you have every right not to make it public, but I really am curious. Unfortunately, it would be extremely odd to ask, so I'm left trying to figure it out with very little clues.
•@That’s cute. But also sad. I’ve lost my iphone 4 times in my 4 years at AU and it has been returned to lost and found all 4 times by anonymous strangers. # reasons I love AU.
You were lucky. Most of us have not. My experience has made me a lot less naive and willing to trust random AU kids to look out for my best interest. Someday you may lose your iPhone and it simply won't come back. Then you'll get the point.
•@"Hahaha, here that nice guy? One girl says sure you can be sloppy seconds after she has stopped whoring herself out, and the other "I like nice guys" but am a complete ditz. Screw em' acquire capital."
^this guy is a moron and a douchebag. Don't listen to him. I mean, come on- he used the wrong type of "hear". That's failing at basic middle school grammar.
•@ "I don't care that girls think the straight men at AU are ugly and nerdy. I've always had good luck." Amen, sister!
•@ "I am 23 years old, have never had a girlfriend, and I am a misanthrope. Yes, I am a proud product of AU." Are you from NJ and smoke a lot of weed? If so, I think I know you...
•I know. And if I seem like a b***h sometimes, it's because I don't want to give you the wrong impression.
•"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known" -Carl Sagan
•I want Finals week to be renamed "Student Deathmatch Super Fun Time Week."
•I know it's messed up but a part of me hopes you fail your ivy league finals and drop out so that we can be near each other again. I'm dying of loneliness.
•I love AU. I have had the best years of my life here and am glad that I won't have a single regret when I leave. #sucked the juice out of college and had the most enriching years of my life
•Let's play a game called "If I didn't go to AU, I would be at x college." I'll go first. If I didn't go to AU, I would be at University of Florida. So glad I came to AU.
•Im sorry but the DG salute looks absolutely stupid in all of your facebook pictures
•We can debate whether or not gym class heros was good all day long, but as long as AU continues to neglect the need for a big, campus wide outdoor music festival with a name like "spring fling" or whatever we're never going to have any campus-wide musical unity. Its sad that the best concert Ive been to this year was at GW.
•The reason I'm failing all my finals: Tetris Battle on facebook. Ack!
•Being unavailable is temporary until she's wearing a ring. Do you seen one on me? Don't count me out yet.
•Here's how I rate The Eagle! F!!!!! Stop trying to be sensationalist and maybe you won't be sued
•CAUS and CASJ...shut up! No one cares what you have to say! If you don't like it here go to another school!
•President McBride wasn't present at enough events? Are you serious Eagle? You "reporters" need to come out of your cubby hole because McBride was everywhere.
•Hey Eagle reporters....get over yourself! You're not The New York Times or The Washington Post...Thanks!
•Hey Eagle...SG Senate got Gender Neutral Housing on campus #giveussomefreakingcredit
•SO MUCH SEX! YAY
•SG does not have a problem with inclusion! Stop making us seem like we are the Antichrist
•I didn't see The Eagle at the SG Senate Townn Hall. It's amazing how the one time we can look good the Eagle is not there. Coincidence...I think not?
[Editor's note: Eagle staffers have been at every SG Senate meeting.]
•Finals...Must Study...OOH cats online!
•REVEAL YOURSELF QUEEN OF THE QUAD!
•Thanks Heather for your fair report of SG Senate! It is good to know that there is someone who takes there job seriously in The Eagle
[Editor's note: Go Heather!]
•What does YOLO mean?
•Alright, Sarah McBride and those who obsess over her, I am very supportive of her but her attention is getting really annoying. We get it, you've been picked up by Gaga and HRC. I hope she remembers where she comes from. Also, her op ed was not necessary. Again, totally supportive, but her need for attention makes me gag.
•The "call me maybe" video, yeah, was that filmed on campus?
•I just overheard a girl ask who Tim McBride was... really, a whole year at AU and you don't know who he is?
•Eastbound and Down, baby.
•Peace to the homeboy Yangmo Ku. Keep ya head up, dawg.
•It won't be worth it without you.
•I never want to come back from Russia.
•the only time I go to breakfast at TDR is when I pull all nighters in the library- another punishment for staying up all night. am I the only one who thinks TDR breakfast sucks?
•To the girl constantly posting about how much she hates her roommate and how she is in love with her best friend who already transferred, hi. This is your roommate. Want to have an adult discussion? I'm not going to get upset; I've heard it all before. Might as well clear the air because we are only living together for four more days.
•No puedo hablar español, pero quería apoyar a la nueva sección bilingüe diatriba. Gracias Google Translate!
[Editor's note: Jajaja.]
•@ China. That is all.
Man you know what's up. 我爱中国！
•Editor, I love you.
[Editor's note: Aww thank you. This editor loves you too.]
•I started waking up early so I can read the rants when they first come out each day. I wake up early today and NO RANTS yet!!! AHHHHHH!
[Editor's note: Sorry! This editor is posting Rants from downtown at D.C. Superior Court in between covering murder cases.]
•Look, I just got accepted to AU a couple weeks ago. I’m just an average guy. I like sports and DVDs, but I’m worried the AU community won’t accept me because I’m “different.” You see, I was born with Werewolf Syndrome. My whole family’s got it for crying out loud! Before I enroll, I wanna hear what the AU community has to say about this.
•People here are so shallow Here!! I have a micro pene. Ok there, I said it! Why can’t someone just give me a shot.
•The Incubator has just died.
•Why are there so many people hanging out and talking in the library during finals week? What the hell happened to courtesy?
•If you want your eagle rants questions answered the day after you ask them, tomorrow is the last day to do that before next fall. Ask away!
Eagle Rants May 4, 2012
- May 4, 2012
•@ "Dafuq is wrong with you?"