• The shuttle king is the sh*t.
• Shuttle King is the WORST.
• The shuttle king is the bomb.
• @ “I will not date you/hook up with you if you are opposed to going down on me.” Not opposed.
• Every vagina has a gnome in it that just wants to steal the secrets of your penis…go gay!
• @“It’s midterms time”...yes
• THEY GOT SAND IN THE POTATO SALAD!!!
• Protesting Angela Davis isn’t a reaction to the protest of Gov. Brewer last week. It’s a reaction because students dont want their money being spent on bringing a woman accused of helping people murder a Judge brought to campus. Such antics need to stop and we demand that SG send on many on rational people, not fringe lunatics—no matter political persuasion.
• @room reference: gates?
• @A Woman
I don’t understand why guys won’t go down? Guys gotta reciprocate if they want the same treatment.
• @“I’ve hooked up with women before just not in college. I want to try again. Who is down? (ps I am a ladayyy)” qwac qwac qwac qwac qwac everyone come to qwac
• The SPA Leadership program is a bust. People don’t leave because it’s hard, people leave because it’s a waste of time. UGH…
• Why would I waste one credit hour I could be taking on Human Sexuality courses on Leadership? SPA needs some major reforms.
• SPA Leadership should be renamed “SPA How to suck at life class”
• SPA Leadership, could you suck any harder? This isn’t even rhetorical, could you?What’s wrong with these SPA Leadership chicks? I hook up with one, and I find out of have chlamydiae.
• My theory is that SPA Leadership may be connected with Al Qaeda. SIS kids unite to take down those terrorist fiends!
• I’m leaving leadership because it isn’t worth it. UGH
[Editor’s Note: We get it.]
• @“Why is every guy I am sexually attracted to a Republican?!”- Clearly because we’re the best
• People in long distance relationships who harbor an irrational hatred for couples that get to see each other every day disgust me.
• RA Jay was a tool
• @Dear Conservatives and associates pissed about Jan Brewer: Angela Davis lives and breathes protest. She can stand those pricks down.
• @nice guys: If you’re a “nice guy” to a girl up until you realize she doesn’t want to date you, then go on about how she’s a cold shrew that friendzoned you and how no girls date nice guys, like, nah mate, girls do date nice guys. You just aren’t a nice guy. You’re a passive aggressive beta with internalized misogyny and a serious victim complex.
• What a miserable week. The one person I want to talk with is so active they never have free time. There’s so much work I have to do. I’m homesick. My friend is leaving. I just want to go to sleep for a while and wake up when it’s all done. Can I do that?
• Yeaaaaa for same sex experimentation!!!! I just wish it was easier to do.
• Marketers influence who you are from the moment you can understand anything!!!
• To the girl in my Jerusalem class, if you say one more stupid comment that does not contribute to the class I will smack you. End of story.
• Boom Booom Boom I want you in my room!!!!
• @”I am a girl and I masturbate every day. Is that normal?” I did the same thing when I got my new awesome vibrator. It totally helped relive my stress. Are you using a vibrator or your hands? It took me 5 minutes to get to orgasm with the vibrator, but it takes me like an hour without one. If you can get to orgasm rather quickly, I don’t see why it’s a problem.
• “All the sororities with the letter phi in them call themselves “phis.” This is what I suggest: a fight to the death to determine who will be called the phis. The surviving sisters win.” Hahahah fantastic idea (for the record, Phi Mu would win)
• @Ranter with a 3.7 GPA: People like you are the reason that being an “honors kid” has such a stigma attached to it.
• @person saying calories matter more than fat content: You are so wrong. Calories from fruit/vegetables/grains will be burned faster and more easily (like by just breathing and walking places. Whereas calories from fat take much longer to burn and are stored as body fat. Person trying to lose weight, eat at least 2,00 calories a day and CHECK THE SATURATED FAT level of every nutrition label for all the foods you eat. It should be as close to zero as possible and no higher than 10% per serving.
• @”I am a girl and I masturbate every day. Is that normal?” If it is taking up a significant amount of your time and taking you away form other activities you used to enjoy, it may be that you are using masturbating as a way to cope with excessively high levels of stress in your life and perhaps you should examine what is causing you so much stress and eliminate that problem. If not, power to you.
• I’m into girls and I’ m totally into you
• You, hot guy in my CCC class, just talk to me or ask me for my number already
• @UN-friendzone: YES! My current BF and I were friends for months before we got together. I was very hesitant when it became evident that we liked each other because I didn’t want to hurt our friendship, but now I’m SO glad that I took the risk.
• @I GLITTER BOMB ALL OF YOU MOTHER TRUCKERS!!!! and @“*glitter* *bomb**glitter* *bomb**glitter* *bomb*”
Umm I love you? Can I glitter bomb with you?
• @“I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!” Can we be best friends?
• @“May the odds be ever in your favor” Real or not real?
• @“I am a girl and I masturbate every day. Is that normal?” Uhh heck yes it is.
• AU is killing Today@AU on March 6-8? Oh, so those of us with announcements to promote next week are totally screwed? Surely AU could have found some kind of weeklong university-observed break from classes to do this transition; do we have one of those coming up anytime soon?
• LIKE A LITTLE IS HILARIOUS! I love how nerds complain about being nice guys and not getting women lol. I’m a nerd and I realize its because I’m a pussy. Jesus grow a pair and stop complaining about women not liking you. Chicks dig confidence.
• There are no hippies at this school. If there were, they’d live in communes, not use macs, and actually do something. The people at this school or either hipsters or wannabe hippies, they are the worst things in society. I like hippies because they dont like the system so they make their own and keep to themselves.
• Constantin-Mail the UPS envelope.
• A message to all Undergraduate Senators: you’re all losers who will never get elected to any office in the real world. Grow up and stop acting pretentiously.
• Just took my first tour of AU! I’m a freshman.
• How do I get my girlfriend to wear sexier clothes? Its like I’m dating a grandma!
• Did I really get all dressed up just to see you leaving the classroom that I’m going to? Yes. Did I see you? No.
• @ “Thank you god for pretty girls in sundresses. There is a reason I love spring so much.”
It’s only half for you Getting to wear those sundresses is half the reason I love spring so much! The other half is when it’s appreciated by people like you
• Can we talk about dietary fiber for a second? Maybe you spend that long in the bathroom because you never eat vegetables. Just maybe.
• As a heterosexual male with a sense if style and class, I must say that leggings are not pants, and should not be worn as such.
• I want to discuss the exhibits in Katzen, but if I talk to an art student, it’ll go totally over my head, and if I talk to someone completely not interested, well, they won’t be interested. Where are the not-art-experts-yet-interested-in-art people, and where can we discuss those fanciful paintings on the third floor?
• @“May the odds be ever in your favor”
You literally just induced a little bit of panic. Like, I read the words and had a 0_0 moment. Is it normal to react that strongly to literature references?
• What am I going to do with this $5,000 suit? COME ON!
• If you EVER compare Lebron James to Michael Jordan ever again I will CUT you. NO ONE bad mouths Michael Jordan in my house.
• @ SOC Haters- let’s all take a minute to remember that SOC isn’t where all the lost, confused, undecided little freshies go to. That would be SIS. At least the people in SOC definitely want to be there.
• ASSASSIN’S CREED III OCTOBER 30TH. GET PUMPED.
• The best part about this time of year? The abundance of Easter candy. Gotta love Cabury creme eggs!
• Hey Dav Staff, just so you know, “Dance with the Devil” is not the most appropriate song to play in public.
[Editor’s Note: Did this actually happen? Like the Immortal Technique song? Wow.]
• @“Every time I see a rant with the name “Brewer,” I automatically think of Troy Brewer and not Jan Brewer.” MARRY ME.
• o the guys who sang Shaggy’s “Angel” on the car ride after the mixer Friday….You guys seriously made my day!
• 15 pounds in 2 weeks?! What are you doing?!!
• Oh that’s awkward, I guess there’s at least three people quoting Dr. Horrible on here and I’m the one who did not write about freeze rays on March 1. Damn.
• @ER = anonymous craig’s list??,
ER = Eagle Rants, you buffoon.
[Editor’s Note: Thanks for letting me know. I had no idea, this is such a revelation]
• @@“Do you have a rocket ship potter” PLEASE BE MY FRIEND” Haha, sure! Future Pigfarts alums gotta stick together.
• Buffy reference FTW!
• Can we shorten “the Eagle” to “ThEagle” and “Today @ AU” to just “TodAU”
[Editor’s Note: I’m in favor.]
• Hey nice guys,
A nice girl won’t break up with you for being “too nice”. A bad girl might, but you’re better than them anyway. Don’t worry, your gentleman ways will work out in the end.
• Seeking a guy with strong hands to give me a deep muscle massage. My back is just so tense right now, I will do almost anything in return.
• @Look Ladies- Sorry but I’m not going all the way to NY Ave and paying Fur’s $20+ cover charge. This excellent but cheapa$s dancer is headed to AdMo/Dupont.
• gimmie back my mcdonalds D: It’s more obvious how much of a loser I am if I go alone to the McDonalds in Tenley… :(
• Dear online class professor,
I don’t know if this is your fault or Blackboard’s, but it’s getting really old that at least a third of the links you post each week don’t work.
• @Carnivore-shaming: I’m guessing you’re actually an omnivore, because if you truly eat just meat, that’s disgusting. But lolol at the judging looks hahahaha.
• So will Saturday Eagle Rants not be posted anymore? Be honest with us, Eagle Rant Editor. We can take it.
[Editor’s Note: It looks like there’s no way I’m going to remember on Saturdays, so it depends on whether or not one of the people who knows who I am reminds me. #honesty]
• @ girl who masturbates everyday: I’m a girl and I do too. What is “normal” anyway? It varies per person and so I think you’re fine.