There has been another Eagle Rants coup. The former Rants editor is back editing Rants for the time being! And apologies for the hard-to-find Rants. They were accidentally stashed under “Opinion” by this editor who’s a bit out of practice. Apologies.
•@ Can we have a pokémon battle?
Yes, we should have a pokémon battle. Where shall we meet up to battle?
McDowell Pokémon Trainer
•@awkward, single lesbian: Gay, straight, or otherwise, you always meet someone when you least expect it to happen. Don’t give up
•Wow, there has been a lot of griping about SG elections and “late” eaglerants postings lately. I’m sending you a hug, editor!
•@Cake or Death… But do you have a flag? Thanks for EI reference it totally made my day.
•@This way, when asked “how can you still be a virgin?”, I can just say “I’m saving myself for marriage” Many non Christians also believe in saving themselves for marriage or “the one” they eventually will marry. Stick with your atheism, my friend.
•@ashamed virgins: I’m a smart, attractive guy who was a virgin until age 25. I’ve had a number of girls come onto me, but I’m introverted and didn’t want to open myself up to a girl who wasn’t the one. I’m now a grad student at AU and in love with my future wife. I’m so glad I waited for her and didn’t cave into pressure to lose my virginity at an early age. We’re both atheists and didn’t wait for religious reasons. Knowing that we both saved ourselves for each other makes our relationship that much more special.
•What is Holi?
•Why does McDonald’s not have veggie burgers? Burger King has veggie Burgers. wtf. So discriminatory towards vegetarians.
•Does AU have a competitive chess team? I want to join.
•@Total anal G-spot stimulation- there is no such thing as an anal g-spot, the g-spot is located on the ventral wall of the vagina, not in the anus.
•@”not to rain on your fetish parade…..but is the poop thing sanitary???” Yes, we always sanitize our hands with alcohol solution after. And the poop never comes into contact with out mouths/noses/faces/eyes/vagina. It goes in the toilet when we are done playing. Anal play is very safe as long as safe sex practices are observed.
•I’m 22 and I met my also a virgin bf at AU my senior year. I would ever have been interested in him if he were not also a virgin because I wanted someone like me who had high standards and didn’t just have sex with some random stranger at a party (not that I am condemning people who do make that life choice). Being a virgin is something to be proud of. Anyone can act impulsively at a party full of drunk people. Not everyone can exercise self-control and wait for the true love of their life.
•I saw Nick Rangos running around this weekend with a bunch of other guys with backpacks. Off to a weekend stud convention?
•VOTE FOR CHARLES MERRICK FOR SG PRESIDENT! #MONARCHYINTHEAU
•So, I like how Charles Merrick is a joke candidate, and yet he made better points at the debate than anyone else. He actually has real ideas about what he wants to do rather than pandering and blathering on about how great the existing SG is or how much he cares about our opinions.
•@kegel responses: I’m the original ranter. Thanks for the responses. But I’m a virgin and don’t plan on having sex until grad school, so I will need a different way of determining if my kegels are working other than input from a guy and his penis. Thanks so much
•All that I feel is the realness I’m faking
•No, I’m not alright. I’m miserable. But I can’t tell you about it, and it sucks because you’re the one person I want to tell the most
•I just transferred to this school and i’m already considering leaving… I get weird looks. Whether it’s sheer coincidence or bad luck, i’m not comfortable here right now. I started here brand new, it shouldn’t be like this
•@WGI Fan 1, I haven’t been paying much attention this year but I’ve always been a fan of Raiders (dunno if they’re around any more because of money problems), Fantasia and Corona.
•What on earth does saying “thank you” to people serving me have to do with “liberal guilt”? You sound like a real winner.
•Also at wearing hoodies vs dressing like a “tribesman”—native clothing is often sacred and it’s extremely disrespectful to wear the clothing without having earned it. Look up “cultural appropriation” you fool.
•@2 minutes of Tim McBride, and 30 seconds of Abby. Nice endorsement kids. Plus… take a look at Bronstein’s endorsement video. They are funny youtube videos. Get over it!
•Fixed tuition IS NOT POSSIBLE at AU.
•Are you, are you
Coming to the tree
Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me.
Strange things did happen here
No stranger would it be
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree.
•who do you think you are, running around leaving scars?
•Why on God’s green earth would they make a Three Stooges movie? Why?
•I’m so frustrated. GRAD SCHOOL, Y U NO MAKE A DECISION??
•I wasn’t planning on voting for her, but the people who made the attack video on Emily should be ashamed of themselves. This has been a nice and clean campaign season so far, and I really lost respect for the candidate who would accuse a colleague of being homophobic because she attended CPAC. I thought I knew who I was voting for, but based on this, I think I’m switching my vote. Emily, I don’t know you, but keep your head up girl!
•Anyone else get tired of playing the “Let’s Hear What Campaign Rules Abby Broke Today” game? It used to be that everyone would go back and forth, picking up violations, but this year, she’s racked up two huge ones, now getting investigated for a third. I loved her campaign videos and I’ve met her, and thinks she’s a great person, but I’m not voting for someone who has proven three times that they can’t follow rules. Still not understanding McBride’s endorsement.
•Tim McBride is so cute. Why must he support Abby?
•It seems like we’re getting somewhere! Offices at AU finally seem interested in making an orientation for transfer students with actual content. I’m excited that new transfers coming in the fall will start their year off knowing more than I did. O and by the way New Student Programs: “a continental breakfast” is not the same as leftover bagels from the freshman orientation.
“You might be a liberal if…” isn’t funny or clever. Most of the time what you all are describing does not accurately portray actions of people who are politically (or even socially) liberal. Just in case you did not understand… it’s NOT FUNNY and NOT CLEVER.
Your protest was weak,
Rick Perry shot you down.
Go occupy your dorm rooms,
No one wants you around.
•@guy who wants advice on approaching girls- in my opinion, if you come up and introduce yourself and say something to make me laugh, I am automatically hooked hope it helps!
•@person who says to stop whining- the world may not revolve around me but if I pay this much money to go to a school, I expect something as simple as AC when it is 80 degrees outside… it’s not that hard of a concept
•Can we possibly have an actual conversation instead of sitting awkwardly and not talking?
•@”do you like to make it go back and forth?” I’m not sure…What is “it”?
•never knew that finally having a boyfriend would mean less sex…
•I hate being in that awkward middle phase where I’m too attractive for ugly people yet too ugly for attractive people. Being average sucks.
•I’m sorry. I’ll miss you.
•To those that attack the editor- they have to slog through the cack we submit, and then we scream at them for little problems. Respect the editor, damnit- this seems a thankless job.
•Your ex is so much prettier than me! Now I am insecure and self-conscious. Great
•I’ve narrowed down The Commodore to two people: Chris Litchfield or Phil Cardarella
•Im loving these attack ads! Really shows how pissed off the Dems are. Thats what happens when you endorse Republicans and get rid of your President
•@all second semester seniors who don’t like their friends anymore, I feel your pain! It’s never too late to meet new people I am a second semester senior as well
•I will support you through anything, without exceptions. That’s what people like us do for each other. But you make so many of your own problems… you could just not do that.
•Remember the time The Eagle talked about diversity, but forgot gender parity….
•@“Two years ago, Nate Bronstein demonstrated the power of a charismatic SG president.” Did it come with any results?
•Where is the school getting the funds to give away ‘iPad 3s’ at various events last week and this week? Use the money to help all students, not to give only a few students iPads.
•You know what would really benefit the SG elections? Knowing how to vote. The SG needs to do more advertising what they do to new students. THAT would get more votes.
•It’s incredible how obvious it is that you’ve done something horribly stupid only after you’ve gone and done it.
•Give SG a conniption - vote Charles Merrick.
•So being polite somehow equates to liberal guilt? Okay, then. If you don’t want to deal in niceties, no one’s making you. But it’s absurd to project your own prejudices against liberals onto something as innocent as being polite. Not all polite people are liberals; there are plenty of polite conservatives and people of other ideologies.
•This is not all that we are.
•are decent straight guy friends too much to ask for?
•Least favorite part of election season: all of the people who keep claiming that the SG ‘takes itself too seriously’ or is ‘too political’ and have no idea what they’re talking about.
•I don’t know what I did to you to make you apparently not like me so much, but if you goal was to make me feel awful you accomplished it. I’m anxious all the time, I feel way too nervous to be alone and I’m really afraid of seeing you around campus. I hope you’re happy that you’re happy that you made me cry.
•Can SG just end already?
•Guy at the computer across from me just crammed six pieces of gum into his mouth and started smacking away at 5 zillion decibels. Writing this paper just got a LOT harder.
•Can we seriously get rid of the Board of Elections?
•Really? What was up with that Hamlet review in the Eagle? It sounds to me like the writer just doesn’t understand Shakespeare.
•Having recently spent an unusually large amount of time in the SCAN building lately, I can safely say I’ve discovered where all the attractive nerdy boys on this campus have been hiding. GET AT MEH MEN OF PHYSICS.
•I’m writing in Chris El-Dabh for every student council position…I am that guy.
•Seriously, I left rants for like a semester and now they’re all about sex. Where did the humor go?
•Also, stop “@” responding to things that are silly. LET PEOPLE RANT GUILT FREE. If someone wants to rant about how thirsty they are, they really aren’t looking for an answer here people. I don’t need to know that most drinks I buy are going to make me thirstier or that I feel more school spirit away from AU because of insider-outsider group phenomena. SERIOUSLY GUYS?!
•I hope one of the girls running for president wins because these guys are just ridiculous.
•Throw your hands in the air like yous a true playa.
•If you’re a mock star, you are hot. Fact.
•Upset that there is no Frederick Douglass scholarship equivalent for non-minority kids…race should not be a factor in applying to the university’s only full ride opportunity/ significant scholarship. I’m white, smart, driven, and not by any means rich and I got nothing from AU. I feel really cheated.
•I am SO SICK of my roommate’s rudeness. When someone offers you something of theirs that you don’t want, you don’t bite their head off and snap at them. You say “Thank you, but I think I’m going to use ____ instead.” UGH.
•My fear of loneliness compounded by the fact that I’ve been single all my life makes me wonder if I’ll ever know a happy ending.
•It’s 7:10. Where the F are the rants!
•Reason 958 why living off campus is great: you never have to deal with Mr. Bronstein’s infamous forkscapades.
•That awesome moment when you get a good grade on a paper that pretty much BS’d.
•Come on, Eagle Rants! Without you, I might actually have to be productive tonight!
•Eagle rants ed. I am begging you. Please post them in the next hour. There is a heaven for penises and I will take you there.