• I have a great boyfriend at AU ... there’s hope ladies (and gents)!
• Just because we aren’t on the quiet floor doesn’t mean you have to yell.
• The guys who play hockey every Tuesday and Friday night on the Quad are so hot!
• I accidentally found something rude my roommate said about me online. For someone that everyone thinks is exceedingly nice, you sure are inconsiderate. I have lost all respect for you.
• Dear “The Mudbox Should Sell Pens,”
Just so you know they give away free library pens at basically all of the help desks on the first floor.
• The recent waxiness of the tavern cups is unacceptable. My Coke tastes like crayons.
• Employees of the Tavern: Smile! We’re nice people. We’re just hungry!
Diners at the Tavern: Treat the employees with some respect! They deserve it for putting up with our attitude every time they’re overloaded with customers.
• A housing lottery for students that inherently discriminates against those of us who have to work full-time jobs to pay for our education: if it’s not in violation of some law or school code, it should be.
• I was in an GOVT class tonight and about 10 people had bottled waters in the class, including the teacher. STOP using bottled water. TAP WATER IS JUST AS GOOD. STOP WASTING PLASTIC! Am I the only one who notices this? Oh, and after you savor your beloved FIJI bottled water ... put it in the recycling! (it is only 2 feet away from the garbage)
• Dear resident who thinks that he/she owns the place,
Keep in mind that you share the floor with 50/60 other residents. We’re sick of seeing your crap in the bathroom, in the kitchen (ALL over the counter drying or stacked up in the sink), and seeing the laundry room as your own closet. It’s a bit much, and we’re all sick of it. And your habits of you leaving your crap everywhere.
Tired of dealing with your stuff
• Dear Prohibition. I am tired of letting you get me down! Please leave. No one wants you here, and Intoxication is much more exciting friend, even if they’re a bit sloppy in bed.
• “Come on, let’s get some Times New Roman, Helvetica, or even Papyrus, if the department insists on having some fun with it.”
Papyrus is even more of an abomination than Comic Sans. Helvetica all the way!
• Awkward kids need lovin’ too.
• I am proud to be a Wonk, and I will never deny it.
• The food offerings at AU are pathetic. Get rid of Bon Appetit. I feel for the people working there (I worked in service for a long time) but they seem miserable and are angry most of the time. That, on top of really shitty and unhealthy food, is enough to make me want to check out GWU or Georgetown.
• Dear Tall Undergrad Guy in the gym: STOP walking around with a scowl on your face. It makes you look weak, especially since you’re not even THAT built.
• Can we stop judging each other based on wealth, putting people down for being “rich kids” or “poor kids”? We all work hard, and I’m sure all of our parents work hard. Different upbringings do bring about different attitudes, but aren’t we supposed to be in college learning our true attitudes, away from the comforts of home? Lay off!
• OIT needs to get it together. I got kicked off the Internet [I’m in Starbucks right now] for something I didn’t do [I called them, they told me someone downloaded “Tropic Thunder” on my account. Never seen it, no interest. Wasn’t me]. So I went to OIT yesterday at 3:00 and I was told they wouldn’t be back from their meeting until 4:30. So I came back then, and they just never showed up, since they end work at 5:00. So I went at 3:00 today, and the girl at the desk basically told me they were gone for the day and I should come back tomorrow “around 10 or 11 because that’s when they’re almost always here.”
Okay then, fine OIT. Just don’t post on your sign that you’re around 9:00-5:00 if you’re not. I don’t like having to go to Starbucks to get my lecture notes off blackboard.
• Oh dubstep, where have you been all my life. HW just got that much cooler. womp womp womp womp
EDITOR’S NOTE: Rant a few good dubstep songs please!
• @ the comic sans ranter…there is a whole website/movement dedicated to the proposed death of this font. Google it.
Dear AU Central: I hate your e-mail ticket system. I have a request, I send it to you. I get a nameless, one-sentence reply. And your e-mail bot says my question is answered! Solved! And that my “service request” is now closed. Well, I asked a question about the same damn ticket after your inane reply, and what have I gotten back? Nothing. Let me talk to a REAL PERSON, AU Central.
• To the ranter who outlined 3 reasons why WONK sucks.
1-You are right
2-the whole fear the turtle thing makes so much sense! I thought that was such a dumb campaign too!
3-You are right
• Whoever said that likealittle is the new Eagle Rants was seriously disturbed.
• To the person ranting about the girl coughing in class: It’s not being selfish! Some people don’t have staying home when they’re sick as an option! You’re the selfish one!
• Founder’s Ball changed my life in a very real, very fundamental way. Thank you SG and RHA!
• I don’t use aderall either, and I don’t understand people who do use who don’t have ADD/ADHD. It feels like cheating. It’s called self-control and self-discipline. Maybe instead of leaving everything to the last minute, y’all could learn how to balance a social life, work, and classes like I do. It’s really not that hard. I hope real life kicks your asses.
Whenever someone tells me they’re thinking of going to AU, I tell them if they’re not going for SIS, then don’t bother. It’s not worth the price tag, administration, registrar problems, health-center fails and general disregard for students here. We’re second to money. It secretly makes me very happy.
• The Dav has one dubstep song on their playlist. It makes my day every time I hear it.
• I just got a book report assigned to me for the first time since about fifth grade. The kicker? It’s for an upper level philosophy class.
• Where did all the Tabasco Sauce in The Tavern go?
How can one attempt to enjoy a turkey cheesesteak without it?
• Dear Housing and Dining,
Thanks for putting me in a triple in the squalid shack you call Letts Hall this year and then refusing me priority housing over all the freshman for next year. I’m super excited that I get to live in the dungeons of Anderson Terrace while some frosh gets to live on 6.
P.S. TDR is overpriced, the only good things about it are Kevin, Christine, and waffle fries.
• To the people complaining about the wonk campaign-
Get over it. They spent the money and it’s here whether anyone likes it or not. It’s not like anyone outside of D.C. (or really anyone who doesn’t pay attention to metro ads) knows anything about what a wonk is or its association to AU.
• Dear Kosher Boy,
I am sorry that I always steal your kosher box lunches, and I feel guilty when I do. But, I am obsessed with the pastrami sandwich! Nomnomnom
• omigawd people have too much time on their hands if they complain about trash cans in an academic building. Pockets, fellow students, pockets.
• There is no reason for anyone to make a movie about “The Great Gatsby.” It’ll be 90 minutes of a pink car and a green light (not in the same scene).
• AU, FIX THE RODENT PROBLEM.
• I don’t want to go to classes anymore. I want to travel to London and become a famous underground dubstep dj. Upon my overexposure I will head to Rio where I will be a successful bikini model. After that, I will become disillusioned by my fame and move to New Zealand’s lush country side where I will work at a cheese producing farm. I will then return to the U.S. and finish my education in Southern California. Next I will start an unprecedented franchise of quality Italian food in SoCal so they can know how pasta is done. I will return to my native New York and live in Carol Gardens and lead a happy life with my family. But right now, I need to study for my midterm tomorrow.
• It was so extremely unprofessional and offensive to put Michelle Rhee on a “panel” with AU undergrads who played dress up career day and pretended to be experts. That made AU look so bad.
• I’m so tired of smokers polluting my lungs with poison. AU students for a healthy campus unite! Fight for a campus wide vote to ban smoking from campus. Hundreds of college across the country have done it, from private schools to public schools to community colleges. We can do it too. Fight for your right to clean air!
• Wow Roosevelt Institute, really? You had two hours to fix the sound on the “Waiting for Superman” movie showing and you gave up after 10 minutes. Wow. Thanks for ruining the movie, as no one could hear it since you didn’t bother turning up the volume.
• I came to the event to hear Michelle Rhee speak, as the advertisement said. I didn’t come to hear AU freshmen pretend to be on the same level of educational knowledge as her. That was so embarrassing and awkward for everyone at the event.
• Dear Eagle Ranters,
DAVENPORT LOVES ITS CUSTOMERS. seriously. you all are wonderful. whether you’re coming in for your usual double shot long or your peppermint mocha, or your skim sugar-free chai, we love you. and your loyal business. (and when you compliment our jewelry once in a while)
• To the two girls and one guy in the basement of the library: It is Thursday night and you keep complaining about how you can’t finish your Georgetown cupcakes that are sitting on your table. I haven’t had dinner. Get out of here.
• Why is Today@AU advertising “spring break storage”? Are our dorm rooms and our stuff in those dorm rooms not going to be there when spring break is over? Why would everyone not just leave their stuff in their rooms? WTF
• Dear Roosevelt Institute,
Inviting a prominent speaker to campus is no excuse to hijack her talk and spam everyone at the event with wasted paper advertisements of your club. Not classy.
• I got into all the medical schools I applied to, but I don’t want to go to medical school anymore. I have no idea how I am going to tell my parents. I’m scared they won’t love me anymore.
• I miss my puppy!
• I love, love, love this school. I love the classes. I love all them campus events. I love all the student clubs. I love the professors. I love the food. I love the city.
• 1 class, 20 kids, 3 boys, 1 is gay, 1 is a douche. Go AU!
• Did you really just take the shuttle from South side to North side?
• Eaglesecure still sucks. In fact, sometimes Eaglenet even works BETTER than eaglesecure. :(
• Regarding the March 1 article on a smoking ban: Until they legalize weed, leave cigarette smokers alone. You choose to be a WONK, I choose to smoke a cigarette between my 5 classes, 2 internships and job.
• I hate acting stupid in class but not realizing it until it’s beyond way too late. I am eternally embarresed.
• here comes another library rant to the obnoxious loudmouths. Are the five of you really that oblivious that NONE of you notice the entire floor glaring at you?! It’s louder here than the mcdowell 6 lounge at 3am. And that is saying something.
• Perhaps more people would run for SG class & school council seats if a) the stinking credits rule was eliminated, so that I could actually run for the class council that I’m a member of, and b) if we actually saw class and school councils doing anything.
• Coming soon, my new novel: How to Anonymously Ruin Student Government Elections for Fun and Profit. Based on the true events of March 2010.
• Dear Roommate,
Why is your music so loud!? Turn it down! Geez! I’m being considerate and wearing headphones, yet I can’t hear anything because your music is so loud. You can listen to it without headphones, I guess, but at least TURN IT DOWN SO IT DOESN’T BLAST MY EAR DRUMS. Are you deaf!?
Roommate who is afraid to confront you because you anger easily
• Conspiracy theory: Housing & Dining wants to dump all of the freshmen into Letts Hall so that they can convince all of them to move off-campus, thereby solving AU’s housing crisis.
• AU Men’s Basketball,
Thank you for an awesome season! It has been a pleasure going to your games and cheering you guys on. You make me proud to be an Eagle.
• I have no idea what I want to major in, much less what I want to do with said major, and I’m really scared that I’ve wasted my time, money, and my parent’s money to figure this out.
• Dear Dav worker, my keychain is for my convenience, not yours. Please pour my coffee like you get paid to do and then refrain from talking to me.
• I believe I have the most difficult jobs at AU, explaining the stupid “neighborhood parking policy”. OMG! WE ALL HATE IT! I’m tired of telling people why they were cited in their own neighborhood. I’m sick of getting cursed at, yelled at and hung up on. Why do we even have such a policy??? And to the tiny old lady who keeps tattle tailing on people parked in the neighborhood, GET A LIFE! Stop calling us to make our lives terrible ... That is all.
• TDR needs fish and chips. Actually, the AU campus needs fish and chips.