Editor’s Note: This edition of Eagle Rants brought to you from outside the Beltway, on a highway in New Jersey. Eagle Rants Editor works on vacation!
•I see Mock Trial is getting their Today@AU ads in early. Nothing like planning in June to attend info sessions in late-August. And apparently they’re recruiting parents as well? #todayatausucks
•Everytime I rant, I’m secretly terrified that the Eagle Rants editor will be able to see who I am. Can the Editor please explain if the rants are truly anonymous, or just once they’re vetted, they’re posted by the editor without names.
[Editor’s Note: The way our system works, all I can see is the time it was posted. You’re safe.]
•@ “Happy father’s day. God bless us, everyone. Except for you, Josh. You suck.”
Someone didn’t get their child support check this month.
•The never-ending boredom is really starting to get to me. Why does my work schedule clash with all of my friends’ schedules?
•The new pricing at the Dav is horrible. Why should my iced coffee increase 43% in cost, just because the Dav needed to renovate their BRAND NEW BUILDING? When your coffee is the same price as Starbucks, it’s time to re-evaluate.
•Sometimes I read certain Eagle Rants, and I can’t help but wonder if they’re about me.
•@hiring someone to take the LSAT for her : Turn her in!!! If she is cheating before she gets in to law school. Imagine all the unethical things she will do as a lawyer when she has more power and access to the inner workings of people’s person lives or the wrongdoings of corporations. It’s your moral duty to tell on her. As a current law students, I can tell you the world does not need any more immoral lawyers. There are plenty of moral people who deserve her spot in law school.
•@healthy behaviors/eating meat: Actually multiple studies have linked eating meat with higher rates of cancer, earlier death rates, obesity, and more instances of food poisoning and food borne illness. If you want to eat healthy, avoid meat. There are thousand of other sources of protein (yogurt, tofu, nuts, beans, peas, milk, cheese, hummus, etc). Don’t murder innocent animals because you are too dumb or lazy to eat meals that don’t involve dead carcass.
•College aged (ie adult) males should consume 3,000 calories a day. This is what the government health organizations recommend. If your boyfriend is only eating 1,500 calories a day, he needs to seek treatment for anorexia.
•AU summer classes are amazing. I just wish more of my friends were here. Everyone leaves after classes are over at the end of the day and campus seems lonely and eerie.
•So the mean girl who used to bully me in high school is now engaged. She’s had 5 boyfriends in the 4 years that I have had the same boyfriend. WHY AM I NOT ENGAGED YET! Why are you causing all this anxiety and making me wonder why I’m not god enough for you? Just propose already!
•Does anyone else think it’s funny how Slate has all these articles talking about how awesome it is for women to choose not to have kids. And then they fun an article about how men should definitely have kids because being a dad is the new fab thing to do and dad are so much happier than non-dads.
•I know I tell you this sort of thing often, and I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but you’re so important to me and I want to everything I can to make you happy. I love you and I hope that we can manage our time apart and stay together.
•I need a casual relationship this summer. I’m in NY. Anyone interested? (hint: I use Magnum XL condoms! :p)
•I’m tired of my boyfriend not being proud of my body. When we started dating, I was squishy (not fat). Now I have lean muscle and way more energy because I work out a lot. I thought he would be excited because he’s super into fitness, but he’s banned me from flexing because it scares him, and he comments on my “manly back muscles” all the time. :’(
•Dude/dudette whose problems are so deep they can’t even tell EagleRants: please, PLEASE tell a friend, or take the risk and tell us ranters. There are people who want to support you, I promise.
•Why does the hot blond wrestler have an equally hot gf? Am I a bad person if I try to get with him?
•AHHHHHH THIS WEEK SUCKED! Summer is supposed to be the good part of the year!
•Unless you and I have wildly different definitions of “no,” stop with the false hope and let him grow up. he’s fallen into a hole. i’ve been down there before, and i know the way out. you don’t, and never will.