•yesterday I purposely turned the encyclopedia on the first floor of the library to page 1089.
•There is this guy who kind of looks like a young hot Robert Downey jr...thick glasses and everything....but I can't tell if he's gay or just another hipster. So RDJ lookalike, if you aren't gay, make eye contact with me at TDR and let's watch iron man together.
•@person annoyed about sniffling: It is my biggest pet peeve when people are annoyed at people who sniffle. It's a frickin bodily function, it's not a bomb exploding in your face. Sometimes there aren't tissues around, or sometimes your nose still runs even after you've blown it. Chill the f*** out.
[Editor’s note: Thanks for the laughs!]
•editor, I'm sorry your so sad. in al honesty these rants SOMEWHAT remind me of last year. I think it's just last year we had police blotter, collegeacb, and more active userson LAL that funny stuff around campus got posted on here.
here's my rant: I went an entire day wearing my underwear insideout and backwards (without realizing) and then I noticed my shirt tucked into my undies. SORRYNOTSORRY
•@jog on first date
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER ASK A GIRL TO GO ON A JOG AS A FIRST DATE!!! I DONT CARE IF SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE NEEDS TO JOG, OR LOOKS LIKE SHE JOGS BY HERSELF ALL THE TIME!! (Unless you discussed jogging as one of both of your favorite past times it should NOT come up now) THAT IS SUCH A LOADED PROPOSAL AND CAN BE TAKEN THE COMPLETE WRONG WAY!
dear god i worry for the boys at this school.
•@"I find I learn about my fellow American U students just by spying on their computer screens in the library" haha yes! I feel like such a creeper but it's so much fun. glad to know I'm not alone
•Next semester is my last one before I graduate. Despite the fact that the last four years have given me a lot to rant about, I really do love AU. My life started when I came to college.
•Your Eagle Rants suck
•@ChristianRepublicanboy, get at me please. I love country music and america. So sick of Dav hipsters....
•@is it weird to ask a girl to go on a jog as a first date? i want it to be casual, but part of me doesnt think this is a good idea... feedback?
like seriously dude? its a sad day when a JOG can be considered as a possible date option. #poorcollegekidproblems
•@"is it weird to ask a girl to go on a jog as a first date?" As long as you don't make it sound like she needs to go for a jog I think it sounds like a cute idea.
•Best party of my college career involved no rando hookups, but lacked pants, and from what I can remember had some very scandalous garland. I'm not sure if this is what regressing or progression feels like....
•Dear semiboyfriend. Call me your girlfriend or lose me. Sincerely, Frustrated and wondering if I'm your booty call.
•hey eagle rant editor! i want to write an anonymous relationship advice column, who can i talk to to get such a thing going! i think it would be awesome, and fit perfectly on the eagle rants page in an opinion section :D
•"I'm sick of one night stands" Challenge accepted.
•@"@The rant about AP credits:" I said suck because they still do... But my grammar does suck, I'm sorry. Maybe that's why I have no AP credits?
•I have 8 papers due in 6 days... 5 of which were assigned since last Wednesday. FML.
•How many pages have you written in the past week for classes? I'll start the bidding at 22.
[Editor’s note: See below. Someone raises your bid to 29.]
•I'm stuck on campus until the very last day before winter break. As possibly the only person left in my building on that day, I will be repurposing my lounge's furniture for elaborate shenanigans in the hallways.
•@Christian and Republican is impossible: It's not. I am and proud of it and other Christian Repubs, let's be friends.
•So the only free time I have to go into the city is during the weekend and that happens to be the time every week when the Metro SUCKS. Thank you DC for "amazing public transportation"...
•Study break: I'm making little elf suits for the mice in the dorm.
•@ All the people who posted a rant about me after I said I wish someone would: You guys are the best. Seriously made my day, THANK YOU!!
•PSYCHO YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT.
•That awkward moment when the librarians are making more noise than the students on the quiet floor. You can stop yelling when you talk. Oh, and please stop hitting on each other...
•@your swipe is only worth $8... the cost of a swipe varies based on what meal plan you have.
•@Fourteen days: you can do this!
[Editor’s note: Ranters supporting each other makes The Eag so happy!]
•that awkward moment where you see typos in Eagle Rants.
[Editor’s note: Happens every day. The Eagle is tired of editing Rant grammar and is leaving it all up to you guys!]
•Wanted: A boy who like Kiel James Patrick. Please come find me.
•"How the hell did I not ask you out? The opportunity practically presented itself on a silver platter and I didn't take it. I'm an idiot" You can make up for it next time you see her!
•That unfortunate moment when you realized that the guy who gave you a ride back from a party (while you were sober) had some things in common with you and you didn't do anything about it.
•Before I started lifting weights I was like a 120 lb. virgin.. As soon as I touched my first weight it was like BOOM, still a virgin
•About the football thing: You knew it when you applied/chose AU. Or if you didn't, if it was that important, you should have made it a criteria in looking for a school. But personally, I'd say it's more about the academics than the athletics (for me anyway) and perhaps that's what you were thinking when you chose to attend AU; so if you overlooked it then, can't you overlook it now? Alternatively, transfer to a school with a football team?
•@"You know how girls get, right?" Yes, I do, because I AM a girl, and I hate girls who make excuses for not having a handle on their emotions. Is it your time of the month, sweetheart? It's mine too, you don't see me sobbing and yelling and freaking out - take some Midol and get over yourself!"
I love you
•@truthaboutKristenStewart: It's all over Tumblr.
•@I don't think a good morning text and a goodnight text is too much to ask from a long distance boyfriend. Am I wrong here?
You're wrong to have a long distance relationship
•damnit. yesterday I ranted I had fourteen days left in this hellhole abroad. turns out I had fifteen and today I have fourteen. why didn't I change my flight when my mom suggested it? DYING.
•why do i seem to find the jerks who are only physically interested in me? Of course, the only decent guy who's interested in me AND my personality is abroad right now, and I'll be abroad next semester #timingfail :(
•Hey what's with the hating on Letts 4 North? Sure almost everything has broken at some point, but at least our floor is tight
•Why in the hell have the Eagle Rants gotten so pitiful and scathing? I remember the last time I sniped someone's grammar just to be an ass; I remember the last time I ignorantly bashed on someone's religious beliefs and politics. Seriously people, rants are NOT for:
-Public policy debate
-Being a dick
So, let's get this nice and crystal clear: play nice, play fair, and don't be a complete tool. Sincerely,
- All the normal people who read these
•If Greece defaults on their debt, what does that mean for Greek Life!?!
•@"Wow, Clark and Roper Halls were the ones that saved the most energy last month..." I'll have you know that students in both halls took the challenge quite seriously and purposefully reduced unnecessary electricity use, even going so far as to unplug the vending machines. So thanks for mocking us.
•Why is it that being a conservative at AU automatically makes everyone hate you? I'm not rude to you about your political beliefs, don't be rude to me about mine. And for the record, conservative =/= republican.
•That moment where you're hooking up with one of the 3 guys in your class and none of your classmates know.
•That awkward moment where a guy keeps inviting you over to watch movies when you aren't interested.
•If you missed the basketball game Monday night, you really missed out. People need to start going to games, our team is actually really freaking good!!
•"is it weird to ask a girl to go on a jog as a first date? i want it to be casual, but part of me doesnt think this is a good idea... feedback?" DO IT. if she likes jogging too! otherwise it could be awkward.
•"How the hell did I not ask you out? The opportunity practically presented itself on a silver platter and I didn't take it. I'm an idiot" next time! im sure you'll have another chance!
•Were you in IB in high school? Wait, really? I didn't realize you were, I guess I didn't hear you the first twenty times you mentioned it in class. Stop thinking and acting as if you're better than everyone else. You're not. And also, stop answering other students' questions before the professor gets to them; I'm paying over $100 a class to learn from HIM, not some prissy-assed girl who thinks she knows more than the man with the Ph.D. in the front of the room.
•Dear next door neighbor: I'm super delighted you like playing electric guitar so much but it would be awesome if you could do it less than FIVE TIMES OR MORE A WEEK and maybe turn your amp down a little, plug in some headphones or realize that we hear you ALL THE TIME I especially enjoy it when you stop playing guitar and just start singing at the top of your lungs, it really brightens my day
•"I still think about you even though we haven't even seen each other..." This is intense but just adorable. Make plans to see this person again. I'm sure they want to see you too!
I appreciate you assigning us a 3,000 word essay on an event that happened in North Korea during 2011.. and not teaching us a damn thing this semester. This should be fun, because you know.. There is so much information available on an event from North Korea... in 2011... /sigh/
•Rob Battaglia resigned from the AUSG Senate...one less member to take themselves too seriously
•@Oregon pronunciation: I know how you feel. Signed, student from Arkansas
•I know how stressed out I am by the number of times I masturbate during the week.
•To the first date jogger-- depends on the girl, but I personally would worry that I"d be sweaty and gross while jogging. Maybe a walk instead? That's still pretty casual.
I love you but your biddie best friend has to go. Every time she visits our room, I want to scream...
Sincerely, love you not her.
•@dear person who wants to get to know me (the one who plays roller coaster tycoon)...do you love math?-- I love both!!!!!!!
•I hate classes where EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD is due the last day of the semester. Spread the misery out a little, please?
•Dear stupid giggling biddies,
The quiet floor is called the QUIET floor for a reason. Don't bring your unwanted noise here.
•@"I still think about you even though we haven't even seen each other for a long time..." I know exactly how you feel-- I ran into a guy who's that person to me this weekend. I had just convinced myself to give up but every time I see him... I can't V.V and I almost never see him.
•@The person from upstate NY-- I'm from Northern NY and I agree with you completely! Where I'm from it starts to snow on Halloween and doesn't stop til March at the earliest.
•The other day I was in CVS and I saw some guy smelling a bottle of shampoo, and I totally freaked him out by running up to him and telling him really excitedly that I do the same thing. Then he was embarrassed and said he was trying to do it all sneakily so no one could see...
•@The NAVY ranter-- Don't be hatin' on the Air Force. I'm a proud Air Force sister. The Chair Force saves the country one cup of coffee at a time
•Don't re-download eagle secure. Disconnect from the internet, connect to "connect2eaglesecure," wait, and then select "eaglesecure" from the available wifi options. You may have the repeat this process if it doesn't work immediately. Beats re-downloading though.
•How many double-spaced pages have you written for classes this past week? Winner gets the right to b**** about it. Bidding starts at 29 pages.
•Why hasn't the IT department been fired yet?
•To the girl in my M/TH American Political Parties class who doesn't shut up,
SHUT UP! Your answers and comments are incredibly drawn out and saying "like" and "um" every other word makes you sound dumb. Your 67-sentence answers can be condensed into 1-2.
Somebody Who Would Rather Hear the Professor Speak
•You don't have to keep downloading SafeConnect. Just double click on it in your downloads folder. 2x faster at least.
•Also, person who pointed out I wrongly said "Timonese" rather than "Timorese": you misspelled "sanitation."
•meow from abroad.
•So apparently AU's administrators like to fight statistics with statistics. Well, just because you give out X aid, and Y percent of students don't take out loans, doesn't change the fact that AU students graduate with the MOST DEBT IN DC. The answer is still plain and simple: AU IS NOT DOING ENOUGH.
•@"try to get laid right now" button: I don't know if that's true (i mean, that button probably exists year-round), but now that i've committed myself to focusing on studying and getting all my papers done , some guy who i've known for a while wants to start going out. WITH TWO WEEKS LEFT IN THE SEMESTER. seriously, I admire his courage for asking me out and I do like him, but now isn't exactly the time to start a relationship!
•Yes, male biddies do exist. However, they frequently go by the title of douche, tool, or a$$ hole.
•Looking for a nice Jewish girl. A nice one. A cute smiley one.
•My career as an undergrad will be ending in 9 days, and somehow I've made it out of college without writing a paper longer than 10 pages. #winning
•You've got beef with the occupiers? Really? Making assumptions about what type of wood was used haha?!?! Get a grip. Let's hear the reasons...list them and perhaps we can educate you some.
•@I really hate animated movies! Why doesn't anyone want to watch gory horror movies with me?--Gory horror movies are the sh*t. I love being scared.
•@"Can someone please explain what guys find attractive in females? I've seen some rather unattractive ones get attention and I'm just not comprehending."
answer = S-E-X
•@ smoker who says I shouldn't complain because "you walk next to 2 busy streets where vehicles put out carbon monoxide": Actually I purposefully walk in the middle of campus rather than by the street so as to not set off my asthma. But because of jerk like you who pollute the air for others who do not wish to breath polluted air, I have no escape.
•Why is Disney World under construction. WHY!
•So let me get this straight, you think because cars pollute the air that justifies your smoking om campus and making otherwise clean air (no cars go through the quad) dirty. What kind of warped logic do you have? That's like saying well wars kill people all the time and to a much greater degree so me murdering someone is no big deal. STOP MURDERING MY LUNGS!
•People who claim to care about the environment, yet smoke, are the worse kind of hypocrites there are.
•@"Person who doesn't want AU to have a football team,
I feel like you must be a guy."
Actually, I' m a girl. A girl who likes going to school with smart/sensitive/intellectual guys, not bro-y jocks who act like a-holes and bully others because they use they think with their fists, not their minds.
•@ "Good Christians aren't Republican": I've personally found Christianity to promote an ideology more in line with socialism and that the Republican ideology, especially about the economy, doesn't line up well with Christianity at all. However, we shouldn't generalize all Republican Christians <3
•@"(but of course I have to come back...)" No one is forcing you to come back. If you don't want to be at AU, then we don't want you here.
AU is an f-ing PARADISE. Why don't you try going to military school for high school and then get back to me on how awful AU is. AU has at least 5 events with awesome speakers and free food EVERY SINGLE DAY. No other school I have every visited puts so much effort into student happiness.
-person who loves AU and dislikes complainers who like to complain for no reason
•The rodent situation is out of hand--Hughes Hall had 20 2FIX complaints for this entire semester, huh? HA! We've caught 3 mice in our room in the past week. That doesn't count the first one we saw that prompted us call Maintenance for traps in the first place. Our room isn't messy, folks. So sick of this.
•I hope the students complaining about events in Katzen aren't scholarship students. Especially since they are planning on protesting events that thank those who donate money to the school so it can provide such scholarship. Because that would be ironic.
•@"That awkward moment when you are the ONLY one that does not want to go home" It's only one WHO not only one THAT. You are a human being. Human beings are WHOs not THATs. Items are THAT. YOU ARE NOT AN ITEM. LEARN THIRD GRADE GRAMMAR NOW!
•Nicholas Kristof is a god.
[Editor’s note: Agreed.]
•I am not a security threat. And my middle name is KURT, NOT FART.
•Just finished an 11-page paper.Nothing to rant about now. BOOYAH!!!!
•Clark and Roper saved so much energy during November because we lived in a dark hell for two months.
•What's good about sad? It's happy for deep people.
•*If you play acoustic guitar on the quad.... your TERRIBLE..... Animal Collective is not music, it's poison...
•It's three in the morning. I'm so spaced out from lack of sleep that ergativity actually makes sense.
•I wish it was socially acceptable to be naked all the time. Figuring out what to wear every day is a pain in the butt for indecisive people.
•Yes, it is 6 AM. Yes, I am belting You and I in the study lounge. Thanks finals week.
•I write a rant about not seeing you in a while. For having these feelings for you. And who do I run into in TDR that day, before Rants went up. But there was so much awkward silence...
•Hi I'm calling from AU, IT'S AN EMERGENCY!!!!!!!
•I. Will. Kill. The. Tech. Department.
WTF CAN'T THEY JUST MAKE THE INTERNET WORK. IT ISN'T THAT HARD. MY FUCKING HIGHSCHOOL MANAGED IT JUST FINE.
Just create a goddam system where the password for the internet is your student ID or something and stop making me download safe connect. If the internet works well enough to make me download something IT OBVIOUSLY WORKS WELL ENOUGH TO LET ME ON THE INTERNET.
•I just don't understand people sometimes. They just don't make sense. At all.
•Whenever I find the jerk who invented Eaglesecure, I'm gonna roast his chestnuts on an open fire.
•Scones all day erry day. #occupytdr
•I'm freaking out about whether I'm just tired and have a sore throat, or if it's mono (I hope I'm just overreacting...)
•Why does everyone else seem so damn interested in my love life? Like more so than I am? Is it really obvious I need to get laid or something?
•If anything, the sh*tshow that was my behavior this weekend showed me that I have the best friends ever. Thanks for keeping me sane through my scrimmage/putting up with my drunk biddiness, guys. Y'all are the best.
•As if running Safe Connect every other time I want to go online on my computer wasn't bad enough, I now have to do it on my phone. #eaglesecureproblems
•"Beware the Jabber WONK, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that snatch!"
•The Dav didn't have soy milk... A good coffee shop would have soy....
•I got a double shot latte by accident instead of a chai -- I don't usually drink caffeine. I'm going craaaazy. I'm sorry English class.
•Ever since our talk, there have been days when you're acting not like a friend and days where you are acting like a friend. I have had many, if not all people tell me that you are not worth it...not even the friendship. Too bad that I am my own person, and I am in this world for ME, and I advocate for myself. I see all the good in people, even if some may not. I believe there's good in you-I can genuinely see it. Do what you want, and forget the rest. You'll be happier listening to yourself.
•@Got any Sodium jokes: Who are you?! That's my favorite meme! My roommate thinks I'm crazy :/
Eagle Rants Dec. 6
- December 6, 2011
•yesterday I purposely turned the encyclopedia on the first floor of the library to page 1089.