Editor’s Note: This week’s Eagle Rants brought to you from Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.
•Can I please join the class of 2015? Hell, 2017 would be fine too. Judging by the people I’ve met so far in 2016, I’m not sure I’ll be able to go through my life being associated with them.
•I really hope The Eagle doesn’t record IP addresses. I would feel weird if people knew how much I already hate my own class, and I haven’t actually met any of them yet.
TOR for the win from now on!
[Editor’s Note: The only information we know is what time it was sent. You’re safe
•To everyone:Shut up. Really though. Can we, as a campus,make a committment to going one year without getting our panties in a wad about every single political, SG, Greek Life or RHA event to happen? Really though. Someone gives a speech, or SG doesn’t give money to your “Oppressed Puppies in Northern Africa” club and by all of y’alls Facebook statuses, it’s like the world is ending. Everyone just relax.
•All I do is pin, pin, pin, no matter what. Pinning stuff I can’t afford-d-d-d, can’t give it up! #newpersonalmotto
•We’re annoyed by some of the people on the Class of 2016 too. But, don’t judge us based on a few active people on that page. We just want to be loved
The Silent Majority of the Class of 2016
•Okay, everyone needs to calm down about the Class of 2016. Yeah, sometimes they don’t quite know how to act, but at least they didn’t try to secede from Student Government like the Class of 2015. Love, a Junior
•**** Those stupid diaper looking high waisted cut off jean shorts. Ladies, you don’t look cute to any of us
•“LIKE OMG GUYZ! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIND WHAT BOOKS I NEED FOR MY CLASSES” “GUYZ…HELP ME REGISTER FOR THIS! OMG I’M DESPERATE!!” Class of 2016, there is something called american.edu, and it has loads of information. All of the cool kids are on it, and you should check it out too!
•I’ve never been one to read into signs, but this is pretty ominously coincidental.
•Got my tuition bill in the mail just a week and a half before it’s due. Not to say that I shouldn’t have seen it coming, but a little more warning than that would have been nice. And when I called AU Central, the first thing their recording says is that they aren’t even pretending to stick to the August 1st deadline. Way to drop the ball on this one, guys. I’d expect this screw-up from a lower tier university, but not AU.
•“blah blah blah will be available to the student through their own portal” also known as maze. really AU, can we not use those billions of tuition dollars towards organization?
•Bu, bu, but I wana be a first year! Goddamit Hogwarts, why didn’t you send my owl T.T
•Some people here are so evil!
•Screw Michael Phelps!
•Getting into the class of 2016 “party group” was a fantastic decision. These kids are hilarious.
•Seeing the class of 2016 Facebook group has made me seriously consider transferring.
•As a 2016er I have talked to a majority of people who don’t partake in the Facebook page and we want all upperclassmen to know there are normal freshmen out here. Some loser freshmen who makes a page for himself to gain popularity with his fellow freshmen is a loser and no one cares and like everyone on the page who posts all the time doesn’t have a life during summer. Really hope there are normal freshmen at AU.
•Lochte! Come on!
•I miss tenders.
•@It’saTrap I’d join that PAC. No, but really, you’re a badass XD.
•Some of those male gymnasts are damn cute.
•Dan Cathy could have supported anything, ANYTHING, other than anti-gay organizations. Was St.Jude’s hospital so flush with money to refuse some Chick-Fil-a bucks? Was there one less person with leukemia or cancer because of the stupid and useless donations to the Family Research Council? Come on!
•I like to support Team USA by screaming “You suck!” whenever athletes from other countries appear on screen. Helps to build morale.
•Freshmen, stop fighting with each other on Facebook. WONK is your true enemy.
•since the incoming freshman are reading this, let me just say this: admissions knows about your page. and the videos. and the photos. and the strange sense of obsession you all have with each other
•Your nickname in my head is Blowjob Lips #3. How much respect do you think I have for you?
•wingstop from Chicago !!!!
•wtf there are no chase banks in dc and there is no buffalo wild wings or wingstop wtf
•why do dc sport team sucks wtf
•I’m so excited for the women’s gymnastics olympic finals. You have no idea.
•can we all get out of high school and stop complaining about freshmen?
•People hate my class already because of the same three posters. OMG
•@Adult language: THANK YOU SO MUCH! If more people understood this…
•DC in less than 3 weeks. Can’t wait to get home!!!
•To the hot guy at work:
There’s only a few weeks left until I quit my job so can we please finally just hookup in the storage closet?
•Hey guys, remember when you all were incoming freshmen and like, “lawlz everyone on the facebook page for my class sucks,” and then you got to AU and realized that only the lame people post all the time and you made friends and it was awesome? Give the 2016ers the benefit of the doubt. There are bound to be a few chill ones. I hope.
•So far everyone I’ve met who’s going to AU absolutely does not get sense of humor. To them, I’m just going to be the weird girl who celebrates Half Christmas and wears snapbacks and pinnies.
•I assure the upperclassmen that there are many members of the class of 2016 who dgaf about the Facebook group and are actually relatively normal. The obsessive, stalkerish clique that dominates the page has already been socially f*cked over by the rest of us
•@class of 2016- thank you so much for your Facebook page it makes coming home at night wasted that much more fun, but can you please go back posting videos it hard to read posts when you are seeing double
•The class of 2016 page on facebook has three types of people in it. The first is people who constantly post, but in their posts show how bored and lonely they really are. The second type is people who want to look like a badass by posting topics such as “Which is worse, slavery or the Holocaust?”, but are actually pussies. The third is people that don’t post at all, and just avoid the page all together. So to all of the upperclassmen who criticize us, I deeply apologize for the few that ruin the reputation majority.
•I hate how everyone is judging the Freshman/First-year students before they even get to AU. Imagine if they did that to us when we came in. I just think everyone deserves to have an equal opportunity to develop friendships like we did, rather than starting off being hated. Think about it.
•@”I’m actually depressed because I don’t have cable to watch the Olympics.” Umm you realize everything is online right? Nbcolympics.com. You’re welcome.
[Editor’s Note: But you need a cable subscription in order to watch on Nbcolympics.com…]
•I’m not a class of 2016er but I would like to creep on my future classmates. Why does the group have to be closed?! grr.
•Are any other AU girls interested in starting a Disney Princess appreciation club?
•I think I’ve become addicted to asking questions on yahoo questions.
•What is the west coast equivalent to American University if there had to be one? I would say prob Loyola Marymount. Thoughts?
•When will daily rants be back? I miss having other ranters give me boyfriend advice.
[Editor’s Note: Probably when we get back to school. I’ll announce when I figure that out.]
•I would like to see statistics on what percentage of AU uses the college dating site datemyschool. I would guess that the percentage would increase with each new entering class because younger students are even more comfortable integrating technology into their lives.
•I’m really anxious about meeting my new roommate and making friends. Advice?
[Editor’s Note: Get out of your room and join a club.]
•there are probably about 1,500 or so people that haven’t posted anything in the Class of 2016 page. please do not hate all us yet.
•After reading the debates on the class of 2016 page, you start to wonder if they would make the same comments if they were having a conversation face to face…..
•OMG, Big Y now has internet?! I have been away from WMASS too long.
[Editor’s Note: Yup! Super easy to log on, and they have a little Internet café area to sit in.]
•Class of 2016, chill the F*** out. Stop arguing on every motherf***ing thing. WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU. F***.
•Why is it so hard to find guys who are down for a threesome in the ratio of 2 guys 1 girl?!
•@ Stop buying from corporations:
I would, but unfortunately, the government ain’t making anything that competes with big business and small businesses are almost non-existent in my area. Where else do I get the things I want or the things I need? I’d have to make it all myself. Big business is taking over. They almost built a Wal-mart right in my home town.
•@ F*** People.
You’re right. People are the problem. But in regards to my response to “Stop buying from corporations,” we have become dependent on Corporations and Government. We make money just to spend it either on stuff we need (or in many times stuff we don’t need or don’t even want). And if we don’t spend it, the government takes it. Things are f***ed up.
•I’m starting to look old.
•The student evaluations of professors seems to have disappeared from the AU portal. What gives? A friend at GW has a professor who previously taught here and I was going to check out his ratings for her. Did they rename it?
•This is just weakness. Other people have it a lot worse than I do.
•As an addendum to my rant from earlier today; I’m going to cope with my stress by mopping the first floor of my house and then working out like I’m a 1970s Soviet weightlifter. Yeah.
•Not gonna lie, my favorite part of the Olympics is ogling all the sexy men in their form fitting and/or revealing uniforms.
•omgomgomgomgomgomgomg school starts so soon and i’m no where near ready
•I hate the word folks, and if you say it to me, I hate you a little bit.
•Nothing like a good, manly SSS to bring in the new day.
•Does this year’s incoming class suck academically? Each year we get a press release about how the incoming class is the greatest class in AU history in regard to SAT and GPA statistics. This year we haven’t heard anything. My gut feeling reflects my concern that AU settled for second best for the incoming freshmen. I hope we won’t see a rankings drop again.