Editor’s Note: Today’s Eagle Rants brought to you from Eagle Rants Editor’s hometown in northern New Jersey.
Starting today, Eagle Rants will be posted once a day once a day by yours truly or another Eagle staffer until the end of the semester.
Enjoy Welcome Week everybody!
•How do I find this 2016 facebook page everyone rants about?
•@pissed off waiter—sounds funny, but I’d be scared of causing some old person to have a heart attack b/c of the caffeine…
•Actually it isnt that SG itself is corrupt, just it’s president.
•I really wish my internship paid. 25 hours a week is a lot to be working for free.
calm yourselves, join ATV.
(Two can play at this game!)
•What position does Emily’s little have? I thought she writes for the Eagle? Huge conflict of interest?!?
[Editor’s Note: The Eagle strives to avoid conflicts of interest. Zoe reported on Student Government last year, but her coverage was limited to matters outside of the SG presidential election wherever possible. She will not report on SG now that she is a member of the organization.]
•SSS stands for “sh*t, shower, shave,” and it’s what guys do when they’re getting ready for work, going out, or just need to take an hour to reflect on life.
•Howie Day? AU. We are in 2012. Please cut this early 2000’s nonsense. Who’s performing in the spring? Frank Sinatra?
•My hometown’s mayor’s profile picture is Mayor Quimby: Hahaha thanks for the chuckle
•@“Then she adds on to our 2 million dollar house with brand new renovations to almost every room” Poor, poor you. Try getting a job and putting yourself through school instead of being a rich, spoiled, ungrateful brat like 90% of the people here
•I am inexplicably attracted to dorky guys with vaguely questionable hygiene and longish scruffy hair. I feel like I shouldn’t be attracted to this kind of guy because it’s not quite what I’ve been conditioned to think girls should find attractive.
•I routinely facebook stalk and fall in love with random guys on the internet.
•I’m a straight woman, but sometimes I pretend to be a gay man on the internet.
•I think I would like sex, but I don’t view myself as sexually appealing unless you removed the area between my boobs and my thighs. Which coincidentally, contains some parts necessary for sex. Catch-22.
•@“what, you don’t think boys are capable of princess appreciation? YOU MISANDRIST!” : omg this comment totally made my day. hehe
Boys are totally welcome in the Princess appreciation club.
•what? the incoming freshmen are acting like freshmen? call the goddamn police, this is the first time thats ever happened. ever.
•PSA: Cash is the only acceptable tip, ever. If you want to get artsy-fartsy, please do it on your own time, and not with the biggest portion of my paycheck. Looks like SOMEONE’S getting the old coffee-switcheroo treatment next time she comes in.
•Where are all they hiding all the straight, attractive males?!?
•As much as I dislike Twilight, after seeing him on Jon Stewart I have to admit that Robert Pattinson is really hot (especially that accent). The sadder part about this realization is that I really want to see him make out with another hot guy.
•YO lambda chi boyfriend, can you just love me already?
•I think my roommate already hates me, and she hasn’t even moved in yet.
•I have had sex all summer long.
•Where has all my money gone? Where are my clean clothes? Where is my food? Where is my fun?