MTV has desecrated the name of punk music. Shame on you MTV. And shame on you Fall Out Boy.
I don’t care about fair trade this or equal rights that ... I want my Starbucks and quality make-up not eco-friendly garbage.
Dear cranky students on the third floor of the library - we’re not sure if you’re aware, but there IS a silent floor. Athletes work way harder than you think - our sport is a full-time job AND we work just as hard as you do for our grades. Don’t insult us by saying we don’t work for our education - you have no idea what “work” really means. If you really give a shit how much we talk, put in your iPod, and keep your nose in your book ... or just kindly ask for some quiet instead of bitching to The Eagle.
I HATE my condescending, know-it-all roommate - she has no idea. At least not yet ...
I’m tired of people are this place thinking that they go to some Ivy League institute. American is ranked 83 in the nation, there are like 30 state schools that are better. GET OVER YOURSELVES!
This kid in my Comparative Politics class has the ugliest goatee ever. You’re 22 years old dude, stop trying to be your dad.
I’m sick and tired of feeling like one of the only girls with morals on this campus. No, I don’t want to hook up with sketchy frat boys on Friday nights. No, I don’t want to wear clothing that barely covers anything. And no, I want to drink until I pass out for fun. This does not mean I’m boring. I simply respect myself.
Hey, boy who spoke to me after class? ASK ME OUT. We had a pleasant conversation and you seemed like a normal, straight male at AU! Plus you’re kinda cute! COME ON! Talk to me again and ask me out!
PDAs in TDR are an unacceptable combination of acronyms. Please don’t make out or paw at each other in the Firewok line, as if TDR didn’t make me want to vomit enough already. :(
I have a paper due on Monday, I’m worried about how I did on that test I took last week, and the money I could have been saving with GEICO is ignoring me. Seriously? He stalks everyone BUT me?
“Props” to Kyle Borshoff and Mike Cannon: seventh and eighth in the NCAA respectively.
The Earth Hour thing AU participated in kinda made me want to buy a Hummer and run it on idle for a few hours out of spite.
People who went insane over changing the showerheads a couple years back and the people going nuts over the possibility of removing the trays from TDR need to take their heads out of their asses. It is not infringing on their freedom and if you don’t appreciate a change in TDR policy then they don’t need to buy a meal plan next year. What selfishness!
To the girl in McDowell who keeps bitching about me walking around at night in my boxers: WHY THE HELL DO YOU CARE!!!!!!!! I have a shirt on too. What is the big deal, could it be the two inches of thigh that my boxers don’t cover up? I don’t get it; If I was at the pool I would have way less on! Stop bitching just because you don’t look good in your pajamas.
Could the fraternities please start throwing parties open to guys who aren’t members? Sorry that I joined ROTC instead of a frat, but seriously I can’t handle drinking in McDowell one more time.
To whomever has had their life ruined by drinking Pura Vida instead of Starbucks: Wow. Wooooowwwwww ...
Dear athletic girl in a knee brace - I am aware that my half hour on the elliptical is almost up. You do not need to stand there glaring at me. I will get off when my time is up.
I see you every time I eat in the Tavern. I really want to say hi to you, but I feel like that is awkward. Would it be weird if I friended you on Facebook? ... I may or may not be in love with you ...
Your secret admirer
Dear Facebook attention whores, I don’t care about your love life. Work it out in private, not on your status.
Dear guitar guy who lives below us,
We love you. Please turn your amp up.
The room above you
I rant just so I can feel something ...
To the girl I met at Guapo’s ... I am the Batman to your Robin.
Dear Professor Dargan,
Your Afro is sexy, as is your poetry. I may have failed your class, but it was only because I was dreaming about you.
Dear Subway workers,
I’m sorry you’re stuck dealing with college kids, but I don’t want to hear your drama. I just want my sandwich. P.S. - Bring wraps back.
If you shave your beard I might lose interest in fucking you.
The other day I dropped a bowl of cereal in TDR. It broke. One of the workers with dreadlocks quietly walked up behind me and whispered “Don’t worry bouwt it. I’ll clean it up. Take your time.” It was a beautiful moment.
If you’re blackout drunk every weekend, don’t give me shit for smoking a bowl. They’re both illegal for us, asshole.
Dear neighbor girl,
It’s really great that you always get laid. It’s even better that he apparently has a huge penis. But I’m studying and you’re very, very loud.
I would like to make it known that the all-girls floor is not actually a vault filled with virgins. With that said, please stop trying to meet ladies here, creepy boy on the fifth floor.
If you honestly care that someone uses the elevator to get to the third floor, you badly need to get a life.
I love my roommate, but if they don’t stop singing along to the music they play AND the music I play, I’m going to scream.
I feel so judged when I work out. I’m a curvy girl - curvy as in actually curvy, not curvy as in actually fat - and people give me funny looks. Just because I’m not a size two doesn’t mean I’m a lazy ass.
Dear girl in my religion class,
Yes, you’re Jewish. Fantastic. This class is about religion in a historical context. You do not need to ask the professor why God wasn’t angry at Jesus for being wrong. You sound like an idiot. And please, stop shitting on other religions. It’s rude and ignorant.
Just because I believe in God doesn’t mean I’m racist, insensitive, or extremely conservative. I’m probably more liberal than you are.
Congratulations on study abroad. You know I can’t afford it. So please, continue to shove it in my face. Douchebag.
Don’t raise your finger in class. Your point isn’t any better than us hand-raising plebians. Fuck you.
Leave some strawberries for the rest of us, bitch.
The kids who always raise their hands in class don’t really motivate me. They just make me reflect on how I want to drink and how I don’t want to raise my hand.
Last year, I think I made my RA cry. I felt bad about it. SO, what should I do THIS year?
The Kosher box lunches are WAY better than the Gentile ones. The sandwiches have REAL bread. Yum, yum.
Hey, let’s do something other than put flowers in our hair, and sit in circles on the grass and play guitar. Peace will not come any sooner.
To the neighbors who insist on blasting music, shrieking loudly, and yelling like three-year-olds every time I attempt to nap: prepare for revenge. It’s on.
To the female lifeguard who works the Saturday shift - I debate pretending to drown sometimes just so you will come rescue me.
Wow ... Greek Week was a MESS. I think slime was possibly the worst best idea ever. I’m going to remember this forever.
How come everybody has to talk about my life like it’s some form of entertainment? Why do people care who I hooked up with last night or if I’m dating the guy down the hall? It’s none of your fucking business. Can’t people please mature past gossiping like dumb high school kids and get their own lives? It’s getting ridiculous.
Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn’t mean we deserve to conquer the universe.
Had a salad for breakfast ... thanks shallow AU men.
To the girl I met at Guapo’s last night… I dip my french fries in mayo.
The guy I met last night told me he wanted to be the Batman to my Robin. FML.
The only reason I get up in the morning is to see if my rant made it to the paper.
One time my friends drew giant penises all over campus. It was fairly epic.
I can count to 12 ... If you know what I mean
EDITOR’S NOTE: We have no idea what this ranter means. Do you?