Oscars elicit laughs, yawns and a few surprises

Media Credit: Courtesy of ACADEMY OF MOTION PICTURE ARTS AND SCIENCES Jack Black, John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell shed light on a comedian's plight at the 79th annual Academy Awards.

Laughter, confusion, anxiety and outrage: These were the four emotions that pervaded the 79th Academy Awards ceremony last Sunday. And though the Oscars seemed to drag on forever this year, this Scene reporter sat through it all and recorded his reactions ... all of them.

8:28 p.m.: Oh, thank God! That mindless preshow red carpet affair is over!

8:42 p.m.: Ellen says something about gays and blacks in show business, and the camera pans to Portia de Rossi - and then Will Smith. Oh television, how I love your power to visualize.

8:44 p.m.: A tambourine in Ellen's hand? A gospel choir? Ellen's doing pretty well. She's funny, but she plays it safe. I like that. I like nonthreatening people.

8:50 p.m.: What?! "Pan's Labyrinth" won Best Art Direction?! How outrageous and unexpected!

8:55 p.m.: Oh, man, Will Ferrell has the best fro ever right now. And this song is tight. It's so true - comedians totally have it rough at the Oscars. Remember that one time when Jim Carrey didn't even get nominated for "Man on the Moon"? But then he was one of the award announcers that year and was all like, "It's not whether you win or lose, it's great just to get nominated." And then he pretended to cry. That was high-larious. Jim Carrey should totally be the Oscars host next year.

9 p.m.: What?! "The Little Match Girl" totally got robbed for Best Animated Short!

9:13 p.m.: OK, so that guy in "Police Academy" who made funny sound effects with his voice? Cool. But a whole choir? More frightening than an anorexic Carson Daly.

9:27 p.m.: I may not know anything about sound editing, but I really think Lon Bender should have won that Oscar.

9:31 p.m.: Were James Taylor and Randy Newman always this lame?

9:37 p.m.: Al Gore's not really going to announce his candidacy for president, right? Oh man, DiCaprio is totally Al-struck!

9:44 p.m.: Blasphemy! "Cars" was way better than "Happy Feet"! Dang penguins!

9:46 p.m.: Wow, if this montage is correct, writing is the most exciting, dramatic profession there is!

10:06 p.m.: This video for Sherry Lansing (Jean Hersholt Award winner) is so boring!

Continued...

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