2008 Woodie Awards
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Sports
Five Cents...Dawson, Dirk Diggler and Danza: The Hollywood All-Pro Team
By Patrick Ambrosio on 2/1/07
It's Super Bowl week, and since nobody cares about two teams from the Midwest, here are my choices for the Hollywood All-Pro team, the best at every position from movies and television.
Quarterback: Jonathan Moxon, West Canaan Coyotes
There was a lot of competition at this position, from Steamin' Willie Beamen to Shane "Footsteps" Falco, but at the end of the day Moxon is the best movie quarterback of all time because of five little words: "I DON'T WANT YOUR LIFE."
Running Back: Al Bundy, Polk High Panthers
Films tend to overshadow the running back, so the most prolific running back in entertainment history also happens to be a Midwestern shoe salesman who once scored four touchdowns in one game.
Running Back #2: Jamie O'Hara, Notre Dame Fighting Irish
A career backup, O'Hara was a disappointment throughout his four years in South Bend, often being criticized for his lack of effort in practice. However, in his final game against Georgia Tech, O'Hara ignored his coach's play to run out the clock and threw a touchdown pass in order to get the defense back on the field and give Rudy a chance to play. Bonus points for also starring in "Swingers."
Wide Receiver: Rod Tidwell, Arizona Cardinals; Deacon Moss, The Mean Machine
Every team needs a pair of loudmouthed wide receivers, and it doesn't get much better than these two. While Tidwell is a little too short and hasn't had much of career since his big game against Dallas (unless you call starring in "Boat trip" a career), former prison inmate Moss brings the toughness that the team needs, as long as he doesn't get busted for cocaine again.
Tight End: Brian Murphy, Washington Sentinels
He's a deaf football player, not much explanation is needed.
Offensive Line: Billy Bob, West Canaan Coyotes; Manumana, Texas State Fightin' Armadillos; Rudy Zoltek, Urbania Giants
While at first these three appear to just be fat lineman that audiences laugh at for being fat, each brings something different to the team. Billy Bob owns a pig named Bacon, Zoltek scares away defenses with his obvious intestinal problems, and Manumana is Hawaiian.
Quarterback: Jonathan Moxon, West Canaan Coyotes
There was a lot of competition at this position, from Steamin' Willie Beamen to Shane "Footsteps" Falco, but at the end of the day Moxon is the best movie quarterback of all time because of five little words: "I DON'T WANT YOUR LIFE."
Running Back: Al Bundy, Polk High Panthers
Films tend to overshadow the running back, so the most prolific running back in entertainment history also happens to be a Midwestern shoe salesman who once scored four touchdowns in one game.
Running Back #2: Jamie O'Hara, Notre Dame Fighting Irish
A career backup, O'Hara was a disappointment throughout his four years in South Bend, often being criticized for his lack of effort in practice. However, in his final game against Georgia Tech, O'Hara ignored his coach's play to run out the clock and threw a touchdown pass in order to get the defense back on the field and give Rudy a chance to play. Bonus points for also starring in "Swingers."
Wide Receiver: Rod Tidwell, Arizona Cardinals; Deacon Moss, The Mean Machine
Every team needs a pair of loudmouthed wide receivers, and it doesn't get much better than these two. While Tidwell is a little too short and hasn't had much of career since his big game against Dallas (unless you call starring in "Boat trip" a career), former prison inmate Moss brings the toughness that the team needs, as long as he doesn't get busted for cocaine again.
Tight End: Brian Murphy, Washington Sentinels
He's a deaf football player, not much explanation is needed.
Offensive Line: Billy Bob, West Canaan Coyotes; Manumana, Texas State Fightin' Armadillos; Rudy Zoltek, Urbania Giants
While at first these three appear to just be fat lineman that audiences laugh at for being fat, each brings something different to the team. Billy Bob owns a pig named Bacon, Zoltek scares away defenses with his obvious intestinal problems, and Manumana is Hawaiian.
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