Satire: Student in committed relationship with &pizza
“I feel like I’ve found someone who really gets me”
AU sophomore Gabby Myerson is in a committed relationship with popular D.C. chain &pizza, she said.
“I feel like I’ve found someone who really gets me,” Myerson said. “I was a little nervous at first, dating such a popular pizza place, but I really feel like I’m being prioritized in this relationship.”
Myerson recounts that, after the couple’s first date, there was no fighting over who would pay for the check, and she even got a coupon for their second date. The couple originally met on the dating site Yelp, and exchanged multiple messages before their first date.
“I think I messaged first,” Myerson said. “I was nervous because &pizza had 4.5 stars and I thought I was a little out of my league. But &pizza responded saying that they were in fact open on Sundays, and it was on.”
Friends of the international relations major admitted to being surprised about Myerson’s unique relationship status.
“It’s not everyday your friend dates a pizza place, but as long as she’s happy, we’re happy,” junior Hannah Bleecker, who met Myerson a little over a year ago through a mutual friend, said.
Despite most of Myerson’s friends being supportive of the relationship, junior Lane Diaz said she isn’t buying it.
“I guess I’m just more traditional, but I believe relationships should be between two people, not a person and a restaurant,” Diaz said. “Does she even know how many calories are in one slice?”
Myerson said that she isn’t letting the haters get to her, and is looking forward to celebrating her three-month anniversary with &pizza. So far, she has planned a night complete with getting sick of all the food on campus, ordering pizza and then binging Netflix instead of finishing her anthropology paper.
“For our one-month anniversary, &pizza got me 20 percent off my next purchase, so I want this to be really special,” Myerson said.
Myerson admits that, though her relationship may seem perfect from the dozens of food pictures she posts on Instagram, the couple has had their fair share of messy moments.
“The time I got tomato sauce on my favorite sweater was really bad,” she said. “Our first big fight happened when I tried to order a pizza with pepperoni and pineapple on it. But our relationship has only become stronger since then.”
As someone who used to date around with multiple D.C. restaurants, Myerson said she is enjoying being in something more stable. Previously, Myerson was in a relationship with the Tenleytown location of Nando’s. She even visited Nando’s in London, before they amicably ended things in October.
“The PERi-PERi sauce just got a little too spicy,” Myerson said.
Despite the rough patches the couple has experienced, Myerson is hoping to introduce &pizza to her parents soon.
“I wanted to bring &pizza home next weekend, but my mom said she was already making lasagna,” she said.
Bobbie Armstrong is a journalism major in the School of Communication. She is an outside contributor. The opinions expressed by the author are hers alone, and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Eagle and its staff.